I have a meeting on GCSE results day

[Bertybop]

I have a meeting on GCSE results day which means I'm not going to be there when my step son gets his results.

AIBU or is this not a huge deal? I don't remember my parents even coming with me to get mine, I just went in with a friend to collect them.

Some context:

My meeting means I have to be in the office which is an hour and a half from home (I'm usually WFH). I go into the office once a month for a compulsory meeting.

DH is also WFH normally but has just had a promotion which has dramatically increased how many online calls he has to be in and he's interviewing people (online) on GCSE results day as well.

DC's school is 45 minutes from our house (he moved in unexpectedly at the beginning of the year which is why it's so far away) so taking him to get his results is at the very least going to take two hours (to get there and back, collect them/see friends etc).

He's no contact with his mum.

I couldnt take annual leave for that day as I used my last day of leave for his 16th birthday.

I hadn't spoken to DC yet to tell him it'll be my dad (he's retired and he and dc get along really well) taking him to get his results but DH accidentally let it slip in the car yesterday that I had to be in the office that day (wasn't done on purpose, he was just trying to figure out what we were both doing next week). DC then told me afterwards that he was upset that I wasn't going to be there and was very off about it.

I understand he wanted me there but AIBU to think this isn't a huge deal? I won't be there in person but I would've rung him as soon as possible after my meeting. He's going to smash his results, I have no doubts about that at all.

I just literally can't do anything to get out of this meeting but now I'm feeling guilty as hell. When I asked people I work with what their teenagers did they said they just went with mates to get them. And tbh I would've assumed he wanted to go with his girlfriend.

I think most people are blaming the Dad.

My DD asked me to attend collecting both gcse and A level results. I think it depends on the teenager (some would cringe at the thought) but if he wants you to be there then I think a parent should be present as he clearly wants the support ! Hope he does well x

I think it’s lovely that he wants you there with him though I remember a lot of us going without our parents. Has he got siblings who have done this already and had you or his dad there?

One of you really needs to be there. This is a huge deal and you knew the date ages ago, it should have been in both of your calendars.

And not everyone has the type of job where you can take time off when you’d like to.

His dad needs to pull his socks up and sort this out. He should never have arranged to do interviews on such an important day, which were totally avoidable. It's not like it has come as a surprise.

Life's a marathon not a sprint. Getting good or bad results is not the be all and end all. It's not the end of the world nor is it necessarily what will set you up for life. I've personally not taught my kids to focus solely on academic results. It's bad for their mental health and either way doesn't reflect their worth as individuals or their potential.

I went because DC was changing schools amd
which sixth form to sign up to was dependent on the results so I wanted to be there to help him navigate next steps. However, there were few parents actually in school on the day.

But, it sounds like he wants one of you to be around on the day, and a factor in what you have described is that it seems results day is an after thought and not been factored in by either of you. So rather than your DH, especially, and you saying up front ‘ oh dear, have a work meeting, looks trickery to be around will you be ok, do you want me to rearrange “ sort or thing that shows he’s being considered on an important day in his life; it has come out in a by the way kind of way that seems that it’s not on either of your radar.

Talk to him, and find out what if anything is moveable, what does he want you around for? It may be that he wants dad at home when he gets back from getting results to celebrate/commiserate with. It’s not just about going to school at that moment.

I am sure he’ll be fine but you don’t get these moments back. Do you really want to miss it? Nothing would keep me away from my child’s results day even if I risked getting in trouble at work.
This is the only time he gets his GCSE results - is your work that mean that you can’t get into work for 10ish after he has picked them up?

You’re sure? You have literally no idea what he does or if it’s possible for someone else to step in for him. How odd.

I teach thiis age group. There's a balance to be struck between urging them to work hard and guarding against catastrophising. It's quite likely my DS will get v poor results. If that happens there is a plan A, B and C none of which involve anything that cannot be done over again. If resits are needed, that's fine. Life changing is OTT.

My parents never came to mine

Iv been told to wait outside in the car when I take mine.

My son was on holiday so I had to pick them up and call him!

This is surely his dad’s issue?

In our area it is pretty normal to go to school alone. It's a parent free zone.

Not a big deal. I went alone and got my results and my parents worked. I went in the AM and went straight to my factory Summer Job and told my parents the next days.
Kids these days are so soft and entitled.
I worked 2 miles from my house and 3 miles from my school, i used to walk to and from work and school unless the weather was really really bad.

I took AL for both my kids result days, GCSEs and A Levels. Was never a question if I would attend or not.

Yes, it’s a very big deal. I went with my son when he got his GCSE and A-level results, as did loads of other parents. I have already booked next year off for A-level results day (for my younger child).

Soft and entitled???

He’s fucking 16 and has recently had to go no contact with his mother.

For fucks sake the lack of empathy astounds me!

The OP has posted that it’s a compulsory meeting.

it may be compulsory but can it be moved? I have never worked anywhere where my colleagues wouldn’t move it for things like this. Even teachers at my children’s school were allowed to get in late so they could attend their children’s results.

I wasn't there for my own results... the envelope was waiting for me when I got home from holiday a few days later.

I did go in for my A-level results (alone) but work kept putting me in for a shift on that day, and even rang me up wanting me that morning despite having been clear for months that I was not avaliable that day.

Parents have work to do. That's life.
You can care without being there on that particular moment.

It’s a massive deal to him and that is what matters! You’ve known for months when results day would be, I can’t believe you’ve both made other things your priority, that’s unforgivable in my book!

One of you should be there, did Dad not think?

I just went with my mates then we all went into town I couldn't imagine my mum coming with me