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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have a meeting on GCSE results day

218 replies

Bertybop · 17/08/2025 16:51

I have a meeting on GCSE results day which means I'm not going to be there when my step son gets his results.

AIBU or is this not a huge deal? I don't remember my parents even coming with me to get mine, I just went in with a friend to collect them.

Some context:

My meeting means I have to be in the office which is an hour and a half from home (I'm usually WFH). I go into the office once a month for a compulsory meeting.

DH is also WFH normally but has just had a promotion which has dramatically increased how many online calls he has to be in and he's interviewing people (online) on GCSE results day as well.

DC's school is 45 minutes from our house (he moved in unexpectedly at the beginning of the year which is why it's so far away) so taking him to get his results is at the very least going to take two hours (to get there and back, collect them/see friends etc).

He's no contact with his mum.

I couldnt take annual leave for that day as I used my last day of leave for his 16th birthday.

I hadn't spoken to DC yet to tell him it'll be my dad (he's retired and he and dc get along really well) taking him to get his results but DH accidentally let it slip in the car yesterday that I had to be in the office that day (wasn't done on purpose, he was just trying to figure out what we were both doing next week). DC then told me afterwards that he was upset that I wasn't going to be there and was very off about it.

I understand he wanted me there but AIBU to think this isn't a huge deal? I won't be there in person but I would've rung him as soon as possible after my meeting. He's going to smash his results, I have no doubts about that at all.

I just literally can't do anything to get out of this meeting but now I'm feeling guilty as hell. When I asked people I work with what their teenagers did they said they just went with mates to get them. And tbh I would've assumed he wanted to go with his girlfriend.

OP posts:
anythingbutlillies · 17/08/2025 22:42

You are being unreasonable.

I think it's really poor form that neither of you have prioritised him on what to him, -rightly or wrongly - is an important day.
I feel for him and you both should be looking for ways to make things work for him on Thursday.

DelafieldDiary · 17/08/2025 22:42

My kids got their results by email. They didn’t have to go in so neither did we! If this child wants their parent to go, the dad has to take the time off not the OP. Why isn’t he the one twisting himself in knots with guilt?

Lindy2 · 17/08/2025 22:52

The results day has been known for over 12 months.

It is a bit of a shame no one planned ahead to be available.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 17/08/2025 22:54

It’s a huge deal I think.

Dd has hers on Thursday. I booked annual leave months ago, as has usually very flakey exh, and DS (11) has been shipped off to the GPs for the week (to be fair he wanted to go, and I’m working mon - weds).

However, the person not expected to revolve their live around it is her step-mum!

If anyone should be in the frame for having the day off it’s his dad! This is a “make sure you tell work not to arrange interviews on that day many months in advance and be there at all costs” situation.

Edit - that being said, when mine came out my parents booked for us all to be on holiday not getting back til the next day, so even I didn’t know mine on results day!

YoureAMeanOneMrGrinch · 17/08/2025 22:55

AllyDally · 17/08/2025 22:40

Same, no ones parents went when I got mine, mine were both working anyway, I went with a friend. That was 1996.

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Mine was 2006. It wouldn’t even occur to me to go with my child unless they asked me to. I’d be available via phone if I was working

ThatCyanSheep · 17/08/2025 22:56

YANBU. He’s your stepchild. My dad didn’t come with me for any of my results. My mum sat in the car for both - but for a levels we knew I’d got into uni.

seasid · 17/08/2025 23:00

My parents booked a holiday during my GCSE results day - leaving me to do it on my own. I was gutted and even 15 years later, I haven’t forgiven them for not wanting to be a part of a big day of mine. Parents don’t really attend in the pick up, but it’s about being around to celebrate/support your child on the day.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 17/08/2025 23:01

AllyDally · 17/08/2025 22:40

Same, no ones parents went when I got mine, mine were both working anyway, I went with a friend. That was 1996.

Show quote history

Mine were 1995 and I believe most people went with their parents.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 17/08/2025 23:03

seasid · 17/08/2025 23:00

My parents booked a holiday during my GCSE results day - leaving me to do it on my own. I was gutted and even 15 years later, I haven’t forgiven them for not wanting to be a part of a big day of mine. Parents don’t really attend in the pick up, but it’s about being around to celebrate/support your child on the day.

I’ve just reminded my poor parents today about them making us all be away on my GCSE results day! And there was no internet to speak of / email in those days.

AllyDally · 17/08/2025 23:05

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 17/08/2025 23:01

Mine were 1995 and I believe most people went with their parents.

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Guess it was different at different schools/areas 🤷‍♀️ Certainly with most of my friends we were pretty independent and parents weren't involved in a great deal by that point. Mine were mega supportive though, just never would have crossed our minds they needed to go with me.

Catsandcannedbeans · 17/08/2025 23:06

Totally depends on the kid. I went on my own, so did my brother because we knew we would at least have passed, dad went with oldest two brothers, mum and dad went with my sister (because she was liable to totally freak out), other brother didn’t even know what day it was so didn’t pick his up.

I am a maths tutor and sometimes I have students who go alone, sometimes their parents take them. Once I’ve taken a student since I was taking my niece. All I can say is if it means a lot to him - take him. If you think he’s done okay, and he’s happy to go on his one or with just his dad, don’t go.

Dutchhouse14 · 17/08/2025 23:07

It's clearly a big deal to him and probably depends on what his friends are doing but it sounds like there's not a lot you can do now.
Just make a huge fuss of him, go out to celebrate in the evening, get a congratulations card and stick some money inside.
Is he staying on at 6th form/going to college and is his place dependant on his GCSE results? Because I think that makes a big difference.
Who will be on hand to support him if he doesn't get a place?
I've 4DC and tbh I've been led by them on GCSE result day.
Sometimes they just wanted to go with friends ( with me waiting anxiously by the phone!) other times they wanted me there - or at least waiting in car.
It's always a big deal and a big day for them.

If he goes onto do ALevels and wants to go to uni be prepared to take day off on ALevel results day in case he nerds to go through clearing.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 17/08/2025 23:08

If he wanted you there then yeah, its a huge deal and yabu, sorry

Cancel the meeting and be there for your step son

stichguru · 17/08/2025 23:08

Is there potential that his grades might alter his next plans? If he is on the borderline, say with whether he'll get the grade to do a particular A-level or other course he really wants, or not, then one of his parents NEEDS to be there. Otherwise grandad being there is fine. I still remember phoning my great-aunt (basically nana as all my grandparents died before I was born), soon after I got my GCSE results and her being really happy for me. She was 90 and 3 months at the time and passed before she was 91, so it's a very special memory as she wasn't there for A-levels or BA or MA.

stichguru · 17/08/2025 23:10

Like might plans have to change?

RampantIvy · 17/08/2025 23:12

Bellibolt · 17/08/2025 16:57

When did it become necessary for parents to attend? My parents certainly didn't.

When the school buses don't run in the school holidays and the school is in a market town with poor public transport (in our case).

I waited in the car park for DD when she got her results, then I went inside because it took ages for her to enrol for 6th form, and it was cold and raining.

ilovesooty · 17/08/2025 23:15

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 17/08/2025 23:01

Mine were 1995 and I believe most people went with their parents.

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I was teaching in 1995 and in school for every results day in the 90s except for 1999. I can only remember a handful of parents attending with their children.

CherrieTomaties · 17/08/2025 23:19

AIBU or is this not a huge deal?

Every child and every family is different.

I would have been mortified if my parents came to school with me on results day.

I got mine in 2010, me and my friends went to school together in the morning, collected our results and then just sunbathed on the school field for the next few hours. Think I text my mum my results - but exam results weren’t a huge deal in my family anyway. My parents always said “Just try your best” they didn’t care if I got A’s or F’s, as long as I was happy and healthy. And that’s exactly the attitude I’ll have for my kids.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 17/08/2025 23:43

AllyDally · 17/08/2025 23:05

Guess it was different at different schools/areas 🤷‍♀️ Certainly with most of my friends we were pretty independent and parents weren't involved in a great deal by that point. Mine were mega supportive though, just never would have crossed our minds they needed to go with me.

Show quote history

That’s what I meant really - that it will have varied

HoskinsChoice · 17/08/2025 23:43

I cant see why needs someone to go with him. He'd have been laughed out of the school in my day if he turned up with his mummy. That said, if he wants a parent there, why are you feeling the guilt? You said he's your stepson. Surely this is your husband's issue, not yours? Does he feel as guilty as you do?

MillingAround · 17/08/2025 23:47

HoskinsChoice · 17/08/2025 23:43

I cant see why needs someone to go with him. He'd have been laughed out of the school in my day if he turned up with his mummy. That said, if he wants a parent there, why are you feeling the guilt? You said he's your stepson. Surely this is your husband's issue, not yours? Does he feel as guilty as you do?

You sound as awful as those kids that would have laughed by saying ‘mummy’. Were you perhaps one of those nasty kids?

It doesn’t matter what other kids do, this child would like his dad or step mum there. Dad should have made it so that he could have been around.

Itsnottheheatitsthehumidity · 18/08/2025 03:08

My daughter preferred to go alone. She’s just got her A’ level results, and went with a friend.

doubleornothing · 18/08/2025 05:59

Me and dh have taken the day off work to go with Dd on Thursday, the results are from 9 and we've got to get to the college for 10 to secure her place, (hopefully she'll get the results needed to get in or if not to discuss what options are ), and get her ID /schedule for the start in September.
All of her friends parents are doing the same. There's no way she'd be able to make the appointment going by bus.

Strikeback · 18/08/2025 06:23

Minnie798 · 17/08/2025 17:14

I think a parent should be available on results days, even if that means just waiting in the car while they go in.
Results days are known months in advance, so even with a promotion there's really no excuse for not having booked the day off. His dad really should have been on the ball with this.

Exactly - you know the date months in advance. And if you want results by email you normally have to say so ages beforehand (at our school anyway).
I've got the whole day off. I'm taking my cue from friends whose daughter didn't do as well as she hoped, which meant a lot of frantic driving around to find a college that would accept her with lower grades.

MrsMurphyIWish · 18/08/2025 06:34

DH and I are teachers so work on results days. DD is in Yr 10 but she’ll be collecting her results alone,
actually she’ll most likely go with her mates. I don’t think it’s a big deal. As long as your child knows they’re supported that’s the most important thing.