I have a meeting on GCSE results day

[Bertybop]

I have a meeting on GCSE results day which means I'm not going to be there when my step son gets his results.

AIBU or is this not a huge deal? I don't remember my parents even coming with me to get mine, I just went in with a friend to collect them.

Some context:

My meeting means I have to be in the office which is an hour and a half from home (I'm usually WFH). I go into the office once a month for a compulsory meeting.

DH is also WFH normally but has just had a promotion which has dramatically increased how many online calls he has to be in and he's interviewing people (online) on GCSE results day as well.

DC's school is 45 minutes from our house (he moved in unexpectedly at the beginning of the year which is why it's so far away) so taking him to get his results is at the very least going to take two hours (to get there and back, collect them/see friends etc).

He's no contact with his mum.

I couldnt take annual leave for that day as I used my last day of leave for his 16th birthday.

I hadn't spoken to DC yet to tell him it'll be my dad (he's retired and he and dc get along really well) taking him to get his results but DH accidentally let it slip in the car yesterday that I had to be in the office that day (wasn't done on purpose, he was just trying to figure out what we were both doing next week). DC then told me afterwards that he was upset that I wasn't going to be there and was very off about it.

I understand he wanted me there but AIBU to think this isn't a huge deal? I won't be there in person but I would've rung him as soon as possible after my meeting. He's going to smash his results, I have no doubts about that at all.

I just literally can't do anything to get out of this meeting but now I'm feeling guilty as hell. When I asked people I work with what their teenagers did they said they just went with mates to get them. And tbh I would've assumed he wanted to go with his girlfriend.

This is a bit weird to me. I understand job pressures, but nothing should come ahead of your child in this circumstance, especially not work. Can you take the afternoon off unpaid, pretty sure there are parental leave polices you can utilise. You say your SS is no contact with his bio mum…. I think it is of paramount importance to him and his future relationship with you that you show up for him on this day.

My son doesn’t want either of us to go with him - he said none of his friends are going with their parents either. It’s a shame yours actually wants you there and you can’t be but if you can’t move your meeting or take the time off and nor can his dad what can you do?!

its a pity, but from what you’ve said he’ll be fine with your dad there. It’s a pity you hadn’t had the opportunity to tell your DSS about this yourself, but that’s not your fault.
Is your DH feeling guilty? Surely the onus was on him to have booked a half day or day’s annual leave if it was vital for a parent to be there.

My son gets his results on Thursday - he’s going with his friends and he’ll call me after. He’d be mortified if I went with him ! After he gets them he’ll have to go back to work (he is a 1st year football scholar) as will all his team mates - they have been allowed to go in 2 hours late so no celebrating for them until the evening. Good time for them to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around them 😊

So many superior posters who don't understand that all 16 year olds are different.

If your child wants you there then there is nothing wrong with that.

Being rural I simply was the taxi service, but if DD had wanted me with her I would have gone in with her.

Certainly, for A levels nearly everyone had parents there. I waited in the car park until DD messaged for me to go in.

Agreed!

My DD is very independent generally - great at navigating trains all over the place and generally doing her own thing.

She wants us there for GCSE day and so of course her dad (who is generally massively flakey - my exh) and I arranged in plenty of time to be there.

And not all parents have the flexibility to be off work on results day. It doesn’t mean they don’t care.

Back in the 90's I don't even think my dad knew I was taking the exams, let alone going in for the results.

Talk to him about it.

It's life.

I know it's daft to say "In my day", but I didn't see a single fellow student accompanied by parents when I was 16 or 18.

Yea it is a huge deal and GCSE results day is always the third Thursday of August, so there has surely been plenty of time to plan for this? I will be booking that day off a year in advance for my DSD.

My two are 18 and 19 and I can confirm there was not one single parent there when either of them went to collect their results. The kids met up and walked together. My son just got his A level results but he waited two days to log on and get them and he told us when he was ready.

He should be upset at if anyone his actual parent!! Why is his dad getting off with working and not you? His father should
be taking a half day from work so he can go with him to get his results and then to lunch! Very inappropriate for his dad to leave your father to take him however well they get on!

That doesn't make them any "better" than those who wanted or needed parents there. You must live somewhere with excellent public transport.

My dc got their gcse results last year. Dc went on their own with friends. I wasn't involved at all, (dc didn't want me there cramping their style lol!)
They all then went off that same day to enrol in college together. I received a WhatsApp photo of their results sheet.
No need for you to be there can he meet up with friends as most of them do?

Blimey, years ago you had to wait for the postman.

This! I remember sitting at the front window, waiting for the postie ( knowing I’d fucked up!) 🙈

I remember addressing the envelope and putting a first class stamp on it at school to give to the teacher.

I still wish some of the posters on here would stop being so smug. DD didn't need my support, just the means to get to school, but I don't sneer at posters whose children do need parental support.

I'm a bit taken aback by some of the responses as my daughter says she's going in with her friends, then they'll be trawling around town looking for free/cheap food. O didn't even know restaurants offer such things on results day 🤷🏾‍♀️.

Both her dad and I booked the day off and are now pretty much redundant.

Yes times have changed maybe. Im
mid fifties and my results landed on a mat. My own DS went to collect his with a bunch of mates last year. All kids are different and require different levels of parental input for these events I guess

I never said they were better just pointing out that parents did not attend. 90% of the kids at that school live within walking distance.

I mean if I couldn’t book it off I’d call in sick. My work would understand and just let us go without booking holiday anyway. Imagine prioritising a bloody company over your own family, it’s insane.

it hasn't even occurred to me NOT to go with my DD to fetch hers... i'll be giving her a lift, making sure she and her friends get some time together outside (arranged with their mums to all be there together) then taking her out for a late breakfast to celebrate (or commiserate) afterwards.

She's SEN and worked SO hard to get through them.. i can't imagine abandoning her at this moment.

No my mum/dad didn't come with me for mine, but that was 30 years ago, things aren't the same now and i'm glad they're not in this sense.

I passed 11 GCSE's when i did mine, no-one batted an eyelid.. would have been nice to have been acknowledged.

Imagine working in a different type of organisation where ‘pulling a sickie’ rightly isn’t tolerated and you can’t just leave colleagues/clients/service users in the lurch.
It’s not an emergency situation, it’s a ‘want’ on the part of the boy not a ‘need’. He’s going with a responsible adult. It sets a terrible example for parents to bunk off work without extremely good reason.

My dad had a non-negotiable job and my mum was in hospital when I got my results. She had ordered a bouquet of flowers saying "congratulations your wonderful results" that was there when I got home. I remember being utterly delighted that she'd had such confidence in me. I knew they cared and loved me, I did well and so it wasn't a big deal. Maybe if I'd done badly it would have been harder.

My mam took me as she was my way to get there (we lived rural) but never crossed my mind for my step dad to take the day off work and come.

Really GCSE's don't matter at all in the reality of life, no one has ever asked to see them or cared what I got. People straight up lie about them on CVs and its never checked, they usually only care about big job related things like degrees and licenses.