To not remind my husband it's my birthday?

[DoneWithThisShizzle]

That's it exactly. It's my birthday in approximately 24 hours and I think he has forgotten. Hasn't asked what I want or snuck anything into the house. I've answered the door to the postie for the past two weeks and taken in nothing that he hasn't opened and shown me.

So as not to dripfeed, it's his mum's birthday the day after, it's a big one, so he's been organising a party for that (not that I think it's a good excuse to forget mine).

Do I remind him? Or not?

"Have you booked anywhere for tomorrow night? Because if you haven't, I really fancy eating at XXX"

Nope, it is NOT matching effort, at all. In the husband's case if he forgot, he just forgot, no harm intended. A normal, average everyday thing that happens all the time.

But if the OP does it back to him purposely, she is doing it to be spiteful and hoping to hurt him.

Completely different scenario and it will end badly for the OP if she tries this.

I wouldn’t remind him - it won’t change the fact that he forgot or make you feel better . Wait and see . The important point is how he behaves when he realises he forgot . Also maybe he hasn’t 🤞Happy Birthday OP

Absobloodyloutely 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

You couldn't be further from the truth. I love my mother-in-law and have been helping with organising the party. It's only been in the last couple of days that I've realised he's maybe forgotten because he usually doesn't. I'm not raging, just bemused.

Bloody hell. You can’t dish out that kind of reasoned advice on MN !

At the very least the OP should remain silent. Wake tomorrow with purpose and intent - and once it’s clear he has forgotten, you need to. ‘get your ducks in a row’ - ask him to move out, start divorce proceedings and arrange shared care of any kids . As this is a perfect way to ‘model’ respect in a marriage and the consequences of ‘crossing boundaries’ of thoughtlessness.

Personally I’d be direct - I know you are busy planning MiL’s big birthday bash, but you haven’t forgotten it’s my birthday tomorrow, have you? Was hoping we might so something low key but special tomorrow night?

ETA this a gentle way to remind him if he is stressing about the big event for his mum but also a chance for him to reassure you he has something in hand for you, so you don’t sit expecting the worst.

You're not remotely baffled, you're pissed off because you think he may have forgotten your birthday because he's focused on his mum and rather than just saying something you plan to punish him.

Hang on to that bitter resentment, it will be comforting and warm for you as you lie there angrily plotting your revenge 😅

Agree. I can understand downplaying all birthdays when it’s clear your partner never makes an effort and frequently forgets, but this, by OP’s description is not commonplace.

Extremely childish behaviour.

If you get into the habit of having to remind him of these dates you might grow resentful.

I’m growing resentful for her and imagine one or two other posters are too! 😂

This. According to some posters it’s the epitome of entitlement to expect that he remembers without being prodded. And let’s not forget that even if OP reminds him, it doesn’t change the fact that he forgot. And I’d be mightily annoyed if my DH remembered his mothers’ birthday and forgot mine if they were only one day apart.

Mumusnet is SO weird about birthdays @DoneWithThisShizzle . People clamouring to race to the bottom for their partners not giving enough of a shit to remember their birthday and holding it up as an example of a functioning relationship to aspire to 🙄

FWIW, I think your DH remembering and marking your birthday is the bare minimum from a loving partner. I wouldn’t remind him and I’d let him feel crap in the hope and expectation he wouldn’t do it again…

My husband’s family have never had cards from me in 35 years. He never remembers (except when his mum was alive- then I did prompt him as she hated me and didn’t need any more ammo…) but even now his sisters always remember my birthday but I never prompt. He has a big family. I have tried in the past but by the time Feb comes, it has gone to pot. He doesn’t know when his sisters and his brother’s birthdays are!

A terrible husband for maybe forgetting a birthday!!!

Some of these replies are something else.

OP says he's a good husband, people forget, even with obvious reminders like his mum's birthday coming up.

I've kind of forgotten birthdays that are on the calendar in the kitchen as they crept up and ran out of time.
No excuse, but that doesn't mean you don't love the person, nor does it mean forgetful people are terrible.

It's a big one for the mum, so although it should be a reminder, if he's stressed from the planning, it's possible to kinda forget.

Happy birthday OP 🎂.

This made me chuckle. She should also be practicing her martyred oh so sad and baffled expression. If I was the OP I'd plan to record the whole thing, his guilty and startled look and subsequent attempts to apologise while she bravely wipes away a disappointed tear or two, so she can upload it to TikTok for maximum results.

We are birthday twins!

I would absolutely never remind my husband it’s my birthday, and I would be furious if he forgot. He however, cannot keep a secret so he basically tells me about my birthday before the day 😂 we tend to decide what to do on the day together, it’s something we speak about in the week or two leading up to it so there wouldn’t be any forgetting anyway I suppose!

Just to add, in a normal year, of course I’d expect my partner to remember my birthday, but if he is seriously stressed about organising a 60th or 75th or something for his mother, with all the food/allergies/people dropping out etc, then I’d also appreciate that my birthday may have slipped down the priority list this year.

So ask him. Communication.

I would just tell him.

There’s no point ‘playing games’ as such. He’s obviously v busy with his Mums party and he probably hasn’t forgotten, but I would still bring it up to make sure he buys you a present. I also wouldn’t take it personally. I mention it to my
Partner a week before my birthday every year so that he can buy me something good!!

Thank you! We're nowhere near the road to divorce thankfully, 😂 and I know we'll soon be laughing about this.

But he (and all men like him) then may miraculously understand how it feels to not be prioritised (which he ain’t gonna get unless it happens to him) and it might be the rocket up his bloody arse to make sure he remembers in the future

Wow. Your parents really did a number on you didn’t they ? You seem to be carrying so much anger and resentment. OP is doing no such thing. Try to stop projecting your own experience because it’s clouding your judgement and you’re coming across as a bit unhinged.

I'm sure he hasn't forgotten - how could he when it's the day before his mother's!

Happy birthday 🎂

You could go the whole hog and buy your own present (and write your card)