Page 24 | To not remind my husband it's my birthday?

DoneWithThisShizzle · 2025-08-12T22:21:36+00:00

That's it exactly. It's my birthday in approximately 24 hours and I think he has forgotten. Hasn't asked what I want or snuck anything into the house. I've answered the door to the postie for the past two weeks and taken in nothing that he hasn't opened and shown me. So as not to dripfeed, it's his mum's birthday the day after, it's a big one, so he's been organising a party for that (not that I think it's a good excuse to forget mine). Do I remind him? Or not?

grumpygrape · 13/08/2025 20:08

mummybear35 · 13/08/2025 15:15

I took two steps into the kitchen that morning at 6am and saw what they had done and cried like a baby! I had gone up to bed very late the night before too at about midnight so they must have set it all up after they knew I’d gone up! Two years on, they continue to make me proud in everything they do…their dad would have been so proud of them 🥰

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Stoppit, stoppit, stoppit. I don't do blahing, oh, it seems I do.... 🤗

Myjobisridiculous · 13/08/2025 20:13

grumpygrape · 13/08/2025 20:08

Stoppit, stoppit, stoppit. I don't do blahing, oh, it seems I do.... 🤗

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Me too!

Rosscameasdoody · 13/08/2025 20:23

Bbq1 · 13/08/2025 19:15

This. Why are so many pps out to create drama and score points from their "loved one"? All the talk of laying traps, catching him out, buying him nothing for his birthday...Just talk like a couple and remind each other....

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To be fair, none of this came from OP.

Rosscameasdoody · 13/08/2025 20:26

DoneWithThisShizzle · 13/08/2025 19:54

Thank you for your concern but I'm not worried about our marriage at all.

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It’s all in the username !!

WiseShaker · 13/08/2025 20:51

happy birthday OP. Probably means nothing from me but I really mean it <3

Bbq1 · 13/08/2025 20:58

Rosscameasdoody · 13/08/2025 20:23

To be fair, none of this came from OP.

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That's why I said pp's.

Original poster

DoneWithThisShizzle · 13/08/2025 21:11

CinnamonJellyBeans · 13/08/2025 18:34

Is there a name for this type of situation, where you allow someone to inadvertently hurt you, despite multiple opportunities to prevent it happening because of the increased short and long-term benefit you can extract from them because they are feeling contrite?

So it turns out does actually know its your birthday and has therefore robbed your of your "lifetime of ribbing" AKA weaponising it.

I know! Damn him!

OP posts:

Original poster

DoneWithThisShizzle · 13/08/2025 21:16

LakotaWolf · 13/08/2025 18:59

OP, I hope you’re having a good one and enjoying yourself!! <3 (I know it’s not yet Thursday and your actual b-day yet, but sending all my birthday wishes!)

To give my own take on things, for pp and anyone else reading who may be in a similar situation/have experienced this before, I think it depends a lot on how YOU feel about your birthday and how much value YOU place on celebrating it.

For example, as a child my mother made my birthdays somehow all about her - as in, my cake was always HER favorite cake flavor, any ice cream was HER favorite ice cream flavor, she cooked HER favorite foods, and when I got older (teen years) she would “gift” me tickets to events, concerts, and musicals that SHE wanted to attend. Zero shits given if I hated the band/musical/event etc. If we went out to dinner, she refused to go to any restaurant I wanted to go to or try, it had to be one of HER favorites. It hurt a lot as a child and I didn’t understand why at the time, only that it seemed like all my friends got to eat their favorite foods and have their favorite cake type on their bdays, but on my bday it was always a German Chocolate cake (which I actually loathe, but is my mom’s fav) etc.

So when I got to adulthood, I didn’t want a huge massive bday bash (also I have always had very few friends) but I at least wanted to do something I enjoyed, go to an eatery I liked, and have a cake I liked (red velvet, for those wondering, lol!)

So bdays were fairly important to me to celebrate - or at least have acknowledged - by my boyfriend. Unfortunately he didn’t give much of a shit, and it didn’t help that his sister’s bday is two days after mine (mine is Feb 22, hers is Feb 24) so he would constantly be asking “uh is yours on the 22nd or the 24th?” …dude, your sister has been your sister for three decades and you and I have been dating for 20+ years, how tf do you not remember which is which? And also you have a smartphone, just… set a freaking calendar alert?! Sigh.

But to be (slightly) fair to him, he didn’t care much about birthdays himself and really didn’t care if we celebrated his or not. So I know that to him, birthdays were of “low value”. Of course, one should try to make an effort for one’s partner if THEY feel differently, in my opinion - something like remembering a bday and planning something is not difficult IMO, if you love the person.

Let’s just say that my boyfriend is now an ex-boyfriend after a 24-years-long relationship - it wasn’t JUST the bday thing, but it contributed to the ending of things.

I’m looking forward to next year - I’ll either hang out with my (one) IRL friend who is awesome, or perhaps finally visit some longtime online friends, or hell, I’ll just go to a bakery and buy and eat an entire red velvet cake by myself!! XD

😘 Wishing you all the red velvet cake you can eat!
Thank you for your birthday wishes. My cake is lemon drizzle and by god will I make sure I get some!
So sorry for your birthday experiences with your, what sounds like, narcissistic mum. It's so good to find your family in friendships.

OP posts:

Roxie99 · 13/08/2025 21:19

DoneWithThisShizzle · 13/08/2025 21:11

I know! Damn him!

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I think he has remembered as you can't not if it's the day before mils bday. And I hope he has!
My husband has never forgotten my birthday and literally just now we were discussing kids holiday planning playdates etc and I'm like.oh it's our wedding anniversary next week and he's like oh yeah. I would have thought it would come up at some point and maybe you didn't realise and he has remembered! Hope you get something nice , hope whatever you've planned for goes well and enjoy mils party too x

Original poster

DoneWithThisShizzle · 13/08/2025 21:20

SameOldMe · 13/08/2025 19:04

my now exH never rememered my birthday, i used to remind him and he just didn't care. Called me a child for wanting any kind of recognition on my birthday.
Didn't receive a present for years.
got to the point i no longer celebrate, and aim for day to go as quickly and unnoticed as possible, even though we are not together years of wanting and the disappointment of not feeling special took its toll.

I'm so sorry you had this. Hope the ex is pooping pine cones! Give yourself the love, like you did leaving him, and treat yourself 😘

OP posts:

Original poster

DoneWithThisShizzle · 13/08/2025 21:22

Rosscameasdoody · 13/08/2025 20:26

It’s all in the username !!

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😂 that's my response to dresses without pockets 😂

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Original poster

DoneWithThisShizzle · 13/08/2025 21:46

Roxie99 · 13/08/2025 21:19

I think he has remembered as you can't not if it's the day before mils bday. And I hope he has!
My husband has never forgotten my birthday and literally just now we were discussing kids holiday planning playdates etc and I'm like.oh it's our wedding anniversary next week and he's like oh yeah. I would have thought it would come up at some point and maybe you didn't realise and he has remembered! Hope you get something nice , hope whatever you've planned for goes well and enjoy mils party too x

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Happy Anniversary for next week 🍾🎉

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J3001 · 13/08/2025 22:07

DoneWithThisShizzle · 13/08/2025 20:06

Oh this is so rubbish (I'd use a stronger word in real life). How wonderful that your boys don't take after him. Lots of love to you x

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Thanks he's still controlling but don't see him much thank god

Pistachiocake · 13/08/2025 22:27

MedievalNun · 12/08/2025 23:25

Well, Happy Birthday from me, and some flowers 🌺 🌺 🌺

As for reminding, could you say something like ‘oh, work colleagues & I are going for lunch tomorrow for my birthday, I better not eat too much if you’re taking me to dinner’ - as that way you’re reminding him by assuming he remembered unlike me who completely forgot her wedding anniversary this year without embarrassing him?

I don't know why but you made me laugh. Everyone always assumes men forget, women remember, but it doesn't always work that way! I, of course, have never had to frantically try to grab something at a petrol station :)
I agree, say something, but I'd make it something like, "It's really cool you're doing your mum's thing and I'm happy to be with a guy who loves family, but please don't put my name in the toast for your mum's birthday-I don't want her feeling she's sharing her big birthday, and I'd rather you kept my birthday celebrations separate from hers".

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 13/08/2025 22:28

venusandmars · 13/08/2025 09:00

Happy birthday for tomorrow @DoneWithThisShizzle btw it's the same date as my exh's birthday - we're not been together for more than 30 years but somehow I can still remember!

My current dh once forgot our wedding anniversary. We don't usually do anything extravagant, but always a card. I had no inkling that he'd forgotten, and the evening before I asked if he wanted to do anything for our anniversary. "What anniversary?" Then he gasped, looked shocked, there was no hiding it. I said "you've got exactly 15 minutes to get to the supermarket and buy flowers and a card." He made it.

It is something we laugh about every year "the time that husband forgot the anniversary and couldn't deny that he'd forgotten"

My DH and I usually both forget our wedding anniversary every year and only remember when the card from his mum arrives. I think it helps that we’re on the same page with this, neither of us is particularly bothered about our wedding anniversary most of the time. We did mark the 10th and 20th ones.

Braygirlnow · 13/08/2025 22:28

Catladyof7 · 13/08/2025 17:59

Glad i dont have all these problems anymore.

My last couple of partners took delight in causing an argument every Xmas , New Year and my birthdays.

Now i live on my own, no real family , nobody knows or cares when my birthdays is .
I had no decent big ones at all.

21st, i had to ask my mum for a cake…said i was too old .

30,40 , 50 and 60 , nothing , one card , no present's, only one from my cousin .
I am expecting my 70th to be the same .
I dont bother anymore .
Plus a few years ago one of my cats died on my birthday, which was dreadful to me .
Life goes on and some of go under the radar , no problem.

Well, Happy 21st, 30th,40th 50th 60th and a big happy birthday for your up and coming 70th!🍾🎂 hope you have a lovely day 💖

lolacherricoke · 13/08/2025 22:32

LTB!!!
he doesn’t love you
He is having and affair!!

love all these completely over the top responses!! He sounds like a great hubby with a lot on his plate and if he has forgot he will be devastated when he realises.
His apology will be enough as I get it will be heartfelt.

maybe bring it up in convo tonight, so he has time to rectify in the morning xx

Original poster

DoneWithThisShizzle · 13/08/2025 22:38

lolacherricoke · 13/08/2025 22:32

LTB!!!
he doesn’t love you
He is having and affair!!

love all these completely over the top responses!! He sounds like a great hubby with a lot on his plate and if he has forgot he will be devastated when he realises.
His apology will be enough as I get it will be heartfelt.

maybe bring it up in convo tonight, so he has time to rectify in the morning xx

Further up thread I received a text. He remembers! Can't leave the barsteward now! 😂

OP posts:

Bananaandmangosmoothie · 13/08/2025 22:57

I almost forgot our anniversary this year until I saw the card DH had bought me at the bottom of a shopping bag. We’ve had a lot on: juggling going back to work from mat leave and some family stuff. My mind just wasn’t in that space at all. I adore him and he would have been really hurt if I’d forgotten.

I think I would ask him straight: have you remembered it’s my birthday this week? And see his face. If it’s panic: yes he has forgotten. But at least he has time to put it right.

Bananaandmangosmoothie · 13/08/2025 22:58

Sorry, missed the update!

Anotherbeeloudglade · 13/08/2025 23:15

Catladyof7 · 13/08/2025 17:59

Glad i dont have all these problems anymore.

My last couple of partners took delight in causing an argument every Xmas , New Year and my birthdays.

Now i live on my own, no real family , nobody knows or cares when my birthdays is .
I had no decent big ones at all.

21st, i had to ask my mum for a cake…said i was too old .

30,40 , 50 and 60 , nothing , one card , no present's, only one from my cousin .
I am expecting my 70th to be the same .
I dont bother anymore .
Plus a few years ago one of my cats died on my birthday, which was dreadful to me .
Life goes on and some of go under the radar , no problem.

That's a shame, I am sorry to hear that, truly.

What a pity the OP doesn't realise how incredibly lucky she is to be surrounded by people who do care, instead of trying to set traps for a loving husband.

Anotherbeeloudglade · 13/08/2025 23:16

CinnamonJellyBeans · 13/08/2025 18:34

Is there a name for this type of situation, where you allow someone to inadvertently hurt you, despite multiple opportunities to prevent it happening because of the increased short and long-term benefit you can extract from them because they are feeling contrite?

So it turns out does actually know its your birthday and has therefore robbed your of your "lifetime of ribbing" AKA weaponising it.

The Germans must have something :) It's so disappointing for the OP, he remembered just as she was getting the lace hanky ready, now she'll have to wait till their anniversary and hope he forgets that 😅

Anotherbeeloudglade · 13/08/2025 23:25

Bananaandmangosmoothie · 13/08/2025 22:57

I almost forgot our anniversary this year until I saw the card DH had bought me at the bottom of a shopping bag. We’ve had a lot on: juggling going back to work from mat leave and some family stuff. My mind just wasn’t in that space at all. I adore him and he would have been really hurt if I’d forgotten.

I think I would ask him straight: have you remembered it’s my birthday this week? And see his face. If it’s panic: yes he has forgotten. But at least he has time to put it right.

One year, I - a woman no less 😇- forgot my first husband's birthday. We'd been travelling back into the country and I was tired and just forgot, I had remembered a day or two before but couldn't do much as we were travelling, but I would at least have wished him a happy birthday as soon as it rolled round and discussed plans for what he wanted to do when we got back, and I did have a card stashed in my backpack, but that pleasure was taken away from us both because he sat on it instead of just saying "Ahem, have you forgotten something?" or something similar.

Worse still, at the airport we had to sign something, can't remember what, and I actually asked him the date, which he gave me very dryly 😎- I was tired from travelling, which is not much of an excuse, but it was the truth.

When we got home from the airport a relative had left a message wishing him a happy birthday on the answering machine (this was a while ago when people still used such things) and I was horrified.

I felt really rotten, and I was never one for forgetting birthdays and usually made a big fuss, but the travelling just threw me. He didn't act out about it, but you could see he was pleased I felt a bit shit. It would have been a really kind thing if he'd just reminded me. To this day, years later, in a different place and with a different husband, I feel a tiny twinge of guilt at that memory.

I guess that's what OP was hoping for, for her husband. Point scoring from "loving" spouses is never a good sign.

Original poster

DoneWithThisShizzle · 13/08/2025 23:34

Bananaandmangosmoothie · 13/08/2025 22:58

Sorry, missed the update!

Not to worry. There's a lot of posts to get through!

OP posts:

Stargirl2707 · 13/08/2025 23:36

Can we get an update? Did he remember and surprise you with something lovely?x