To not remind my husband it's my birthday?

[DoneWithThisShizzle]

That's it exactly. It's my birthday in approximately 24 hours and I think he has forgotten. Hasn't asked what I want or snuck anything into the house. I've answered the door to the postie for the past two weeks and taken in nothing that he hasn't opened and shown me.

So as not to dripfeed, it's his mum's birthday the day after, it's a big one, so he's been organising a party for that (not that I think it's a good excuse to forget mine).

Do I remind him? Or not?

This OP 😂 absolutely use it leverage for an expensive treat 🤞🏻

Loves the word ‘martyr ‘ too. It’s in virtually every post.

Isn’t this a bit passive aggressive?! When it’s my birthday, a few weeks before I’ll start talking about it. What plans I’ve made etc etc. why would you keep it secret and not mention it just to trap him? He’s clearly been busy.

This is the kind of stunt my MIL pulls!! I don’t get it.

Happy birthday op 🍰

OP I just wanted to say I completely get you!
There’s no malice or bad intent. Just a healthy relationship and a couple years of ribbing if he did forget, because we’re all human and it’s ok to drop the ball every now and again! He’s a lovely husband and you wouldn’t hold it over his head. You just didn’t know what to do and were looking for some advice. I do agree a husband and wife shouldn’t need reminding. And I don’t believe you purposely didn’t say anything the last couple of weeks to trap him, it’s just a case of you’ve both been busy and it’s just occurred to you now that neither of you have mentioned it yet!

I wouldn’t have said anything because I wouldn’t have liked a last minute rushed put together birthday because I reminded him. I would have preferred to have woken up to him having forgotten, and yes be a little hurt, but take it in on the chin and take the mick out of him for a couple of years! He’s clearly got lots on with his mums birthday and he’s otherwise top notch so I’d move on pretty quickly from
this. And like you said, I would never “match the energy” for his birthday because that is negative.

happy birthday!

Thus ruining any surprise he had planned.

Probably the most sensible, grounded post here.

Me too. My birthday is mentioned many times before the actual event. No chance of ‘forgetting’.

Let us know how this plays out and happy birthday

well you said it yourself he has forgotten before- if you are happy with that why post on MN?

But OP didn’t assume he had forgotten, she was wondering why he hadn’t said anything because in previous years he had by now. She didn’t want to remind him because a) if he needs reminding it takes the shine off anything he does - he still forgot. And b) if he had remembered and had something planned she didn’t want to ruin it. At no point did she say how terrible he was, and she did acknowledge that his mothers’ birthday was a significant one which they had both been planning.

Once. Before they were married. And why not post on MN ? It’s a public forum and the post was light hearted. Makes a change from all the doom and gloom, although some posters tried their hardest to change all that.

Your posts have been amazing. You sound like a great couple. Have fun.

She’s not trying to trap him though. They’ve both been planning MiL’s significant birthday and OP was a bit puzzled because in previous years he would have mentioned something by now. If she had questioned him outright she may have spoiled anything he was planning.

Was with my husband 25 yr seperated for over 3 now not once did i get a birthday , Anniversary pressent or christmas pressent off him , only off my boys for birthday and christmas as they got older , boys took me out for a meal this year day after my birthday but he went off it and when found out it was for my biryhday wished me a happy birthday a day late , but nothing done for my 40th or 50th

I guess we’re all different. I go on about my birthday for weeks before. Like another poster said - it would come up in conversation. I don’t really understand why it hasn’t. I would not be waiting for my DH to mention it. I’d have things in to celebrate it and be talking about it.

Jesus. That’s awful! Did you tell him? And he just didn’t care?

That’s so sweet !!

My husband is FAR far from perfect but he'd never forget my birthday because he knows what month it is at least and so we'd be talking about it in the lead up, ie what presents do I want, what do I want for a meal etc. And he looks at his calendar every week. The same with me never forgetting his. I have forgotten my mum's birthday once!! It's because we live in different countries so I don't see her on the day or plan anything, but I had of course already sent a present & card, I just forgot to phone on the day. I remembered the next day, felt terrible and set a yearly reminder on my phone so that would never happen again. I have similar alerts the week before extended family/friends' birthdays so I remember to sort a card. Fellow forgetful people, it's not that hard :)

I think this thread highlights a lot how different people are, and every version is ok. I absolutely love that for you. I would love to be like you. I’m so introverted though and I feel embarrassed for anyone to have to think about me and I prefer the day to just pass by because I genuinely feel so embarrassed for any level of attention. I wish I didn’t. Getting married we just had our parents there because I couldn’t manage any more than that! But this has urged me to try and be less like that.

OP’s comment about him ruining her plans was light hearted - they involved a book ‘for company’.

A spouse who forgets Christmas has a bit more to worry about memory wise, considering how early we start banging on about it in the UK, and how in your face it all is from October onwards.

And it’s fairly obvious that OP didn’t want to mention it in case he hadn’t forgotten and she ruined a surprise.

Placemarking for the denouement.

Wow! That’s awful. To have to remind eachother of your birthdays. What’s the point in even bothering if neither of you can be bothered.

Which OP didn’t suggest. That’s been suggested by several other posters, not OP.

Ah you don’t have to change. It’s fine to not want a fuss or attention. I get that.

I just don’t understand the lack of discussion about any birthday plans between two married people. And then one waiting to see if the other forgets! Surely it’s in a shared calendar. You discuss what’s happening that weekend etc etc.

Fine to have a quiet one with no fuss though! I’d still mention it!

Though I very much believe birthdays are for celebrating! In whatever way suits!