To not remind my husband it's my birthday?

[DoneWithThisShizzle]

That's it exactly. It's my birthday in approximately 24 hours and I think he has forgotten. Hasn't asked what I want or snuck anything into the house. I've answered the door to the postie for the past two weeks and taken in nothing that he hasn't opened and shown me.

So as not to dripfeed, it's his mum's birthday the day after, it's a big one, so he's been organising a party for that (not that I think it's a good excuse to forget mine).

Do I remind him? Or not?

I am glad he has remembered! If he hadn't, I would be team remind him. Some of us are rubbish at remembering stuff.

It was our 15 year wedding anniversary last month. The night before, our daughter checked that I had remembered and got stuff for him. Nope. I got up at 530 to get to Tesco to stock up on whiskey, chocolates & a card. Snuck back into bed at 645. We woke up (he did) half an hour later with the alarm and we swapped gifts etc.

I thought I had got away with it til he mentioned something later in the day and I realised I'd been busted. He thought it was hilarious.

20 pages in and people are still unable to understand that reminding him doesn’t fix the damn problem!

It’s not a hard concept. I don’t know how people don’t understand this.

OP is hurt that he’s forgotten (if he has, in fact, forgotten). Even if she reminds him, he’s still forgotten. OP isn’t saying “I think he’s forgotten and I’m upset that I won’t get a card/flowers” - in which case, reminding him may help.

Don’t bother just buy yourself something you want, adult birthdays aren’t a big deal.

My husband has no chance of forgetting my birthday it's on the same day as his. Wedding Anniversary is 3 days later and he always remembers that day.

The solution to this (and forgetting any other important date) is having a shared Google calendar with all of the key family birthdays and milestones!

He should be embarrassed not to remember his wife’s birthday.

I find it a height of disrespect if a partner/ husband doesn’t remember there partners birthdays - it isn’t difficult to be an adult and put a reminder in the diary if you are prone to forget. I think it is sad reading posts from women claiming their partners are great but they make no effort for birthdays etc. just because one person doesn’t bother with there birthday doesn’t mean they shouldn’t make an effort for the person they claim to love who does care. He ain’t a good husband

I agree. I also find it odd how many women here are brazenly and unashamedly admitting to frequently not remembering their DH’s birthday without an ounce of accountability, shame or embarrassment.

OP updated a while ago that he’d contacted her to ask her to think about what she wants to do on her birthday so it seems he’s remembered, which is great. I agree - I don’t think OP was expecting a big fuss (as one memorable poster accused her of) - it was just the fact that it would have been nice for him to remember, and l think she was a bit reluctant to remind him in case she spoiled any surprises he had planned.

Do behave, he's a wonderful husband. This is a rare occasion, which you'd obviously know if you read the thread.

Okay. I'm off out and I look freaking amazing, if you ask me! 😍😘

OP says he is a good husband though - only one lapse to date. And her update says he has actually remembered because he wants to know what she wants to do tomorrow. I was in the camp of don’t remind him, because I agree that if she has to remind him it takes the shine off it. IRL people do forget. Doesn’t make them shit, but it’s not hard to put your partners birthday in your phone calendar to remind you - even if they’re not into gifts, it’s just affirmation that you’re important when your partner remembers the important dates.

You’re obviously worried that something has gone wrong with your marriage right?
Just wait it out as a temperature check, see what happens and if he genuinely has forgotten then I would say something has gone wrong just a little bit, like you know maybe you guys aren’t making each other the focus of each other as often as you could, because he’s remembering certain things like you know his mother‘s birthday which he would’ve remembered since he was young, so maybe you two are just a bit busy so that’s the fun part, you get to kind of think about that and where you want the focus to be and you can bring some more fun back. :)
All the best :)

This is what I came on to say

Glad you’re feeling good!
Have a good evening
And Happy Birthday for tomorrow 🎂

And if you’d read the thread you would realise that this was not what OP was planning to do. She was disappointed that he seemed to have forgotten but said she didn’t want to remind him in case she spoiled any surprises he had planned. She wasn’t going to make a big deal of him forgetting, but any last minute gift or card still wouldn’t alter the fact that he had forgotten.

As it turns out he hadn’t forgotten so all is well, but the low bar some women have set for themselves is depressing. Having a penis doesn’t make your memory any worse than your wife’s and in the age of phones and the ability to set reminders there really is no excuse for anyone to forget the birthdays of the significant people in their lives.

OP hasn’t said anything like this though. The post is light hearted in tone. DH is busy preparing a party for his mum’s significant birthday the day after OP’s, and I think OP was concerned he had forgotten because he was busy with that. Reminding him may have spoiled any surprise he had planned for her and still wouldn’t change the fact that he had forgotten if that was the case. And it’s all moot anyway because OP has updated that he’s remembered.

But he did. Read the update.

Are you lonely and bitter?

Hurray!! 🎉

But the point is he remembered. I would rather have my DH ask me what I want to do in advance than have something planned for me. It’s not really the gift that’s the issue here, it’s remembering the special day.

Well how wonderful. Self review: AIBU to think that OP imagining husband is forgetting birthday is worried about marriage? No, I don’t think so. Sorry Op but time for you two to plan some extra ‘you time’ for the both of I think!!

No, they are reasons. You didn’t forget because you have a vagina and think that absolves you of any need to consider your partner!!

Why would you immediately jump to the conclusion that OP is worried about her marriage when all of her posts suggest that that’s not the case ?

Absolutely.

And he is being active with his family.

I can't understand how a birthday isn't just part of family conversation…last week, last month…
’what about going to…’,
‘don’t book that for…it is my birthday’,
‘kids are calling next week for my birthday’…

Feels a set up where the birthday person self sabotaged if no mention is made prior.