To not remind my husband it's my birthday?

[DoneWithThisShizzle]

That's it exactly. It's my birthday in approximately 24 hours and I think he has forgotten. Hasn't asked what I want or snuck anything into the house. I've answered the door to the postie for the past two weeks and taken in nothing that he hasn't opened and shown me.

So as not to dripfeed, it's his mum's birthday the day after, it's a big one, so he's been organising a party for that (not that I think it's a good excuse to forget mine).

Do I remind him? Or not?

I'm so sorry that this has been your experience. That's absolutely awful and I hope you are now getting the love you deserve.
You make a good point about manners, it's the way I was taught.

I do think that asking you the day before what you want to do is rather unreasonable - it's really lazy.

There's no excuse for not having dates on your calendar or reminders. Again, lazy.

Absolutely, that's why I wasn't planning on being massively upset.

Hmm. I forgot DHs birthday twice when we were younger. Once just after I had a c-section and once when I had started a new job (and was still doing the lion’s share of the domestic labour). My bad.

My hubby only remembers mine as its a week after his. Our wedding anniversary we never remember my mum used to remind us but she is gone now.

In the big picture does it really matter? He's obviously thoughtful if he's sorting his mums day out. Should be proud of him not nattering him. Happy birthday.

I agree with the people saying it’s been your birthday the day before his mums since you have been together so he should know! Does he think you maybe don’t care this year because focus is on his mum and her “big do” have you been helping with the organising of that too?

I would drop a hint like oh it’s nice sharing the birthday weekend with your mum it will feel like a party for me too or something like that.

I’d think if your birthday is the day before his mums and he’s remembered hers I don’t see how he can forget yours?

Don’t play games or test him, just come out and say it. Just jokingly say…oooo someone’s got a special day soon and leave it at that? I write my birthday in bright red big letters on the family calendar hanging on the kitchen door 😆 it’s a tradition in our house that birthdays are a huge deal! Balloons, bunting, gifts, cake etc all set up in the kitchen diner once whoever’s birthday it is has gone to bed so it’s a surprise in the morning! My first birthday after my husband passed away was only two months after…I honestly didn’t think much of it but when I woke up the next day, my two kids (then 16 and 20) had decorated the whole kitchen with ribbons and bunting and balloons and gifts etc 🥹 even in the depths of their grief, they thought about making it special for me! That was the best present they could have given me..

I think you have a couple of really good get out clauses there.

Oh my heart! 💖

Facebook does do the birthdays coming up thing, so it could have been that.

But my money's on his mummy.

Have a lovely day!

You will require to be taken out to dinner, of course.

I took two steps into the kitchen that morning at 6am and saw what they had done and cried like a baby! I had gone up to bed very late the night before too at about midnight so they must have set it all up after they knew I’d gone up! Two years on, they continue to make me proud in everything they do…their dad would have been so proud of them 🥰

I can guarantee that mummy wouldn't have said anything. I love her to bits but she's not the communicative type.

Beautiful 😍

My birthday is usually around a major bank holiday so easily remembered.

Funny you should say that, my birthday is very close to Christmas and has been 'forgotten' a few times over the years by various people (including my parents!) as there's just too much going on and it's all about Chrimbo. It's an inconvenient birthday! It used to irk me a bit but the older I get the less I care about birthdays. My DH forgot one year until I reminded him part way though the day. He said he'd got confused about what day of the week it was which I can't argue with as I often say "is it Monday or Tuesday today?"

I'm getting ready for a date with my friend. We're off to the movies! She doesn't read Mumsnet but I'll be telling her about this thread.

She's my biggest advocate and loves my husband dearly, and her advice was to see how long it would take him (she knows our sense of humour can survive this).

I'll catch up/update later when I'm full of popcorn and bestie love 😘

Personally I wouldn't remind him, he should remember regardless of being busy, even more so if so close to his mum's and that's what he has been occupied with.

If you remind him now, you might get something rushed and with little thought, see what happens and I hope your pleasantly surprised, and if he has forgot hope he makes it up to you ten times over and if he doesn't I would be inclined to reflect the efforts when it's his birthday as someone else said. Petty, maybe, but it would be fair.

Happy birthday for tomorrow and do let us know the outcome!

I don't understand some people's need for others to be able to memorise dates. If you want your husband to celebrate your birthday and you think he's forgotten, then, yes, remind him. Why wouldn't you? Just so that you can punish him for not having the date commited to memory? Why?

Happy birthday 🙂

you can react to this two ways.

1. remind him with a firm and solid laugh and that hed better have not fogotten.
2. book yourself a nice meal for yourself, walk out the door, announce where and why you are going.
   number 2 part sounds a resounding message, but a little petty when you think about it. I’d opt for number one. Some people organising a party is b stressful and it may have taken a lot out of him. Although it’s still rubbish if he has forgotten.
   is he one to throw surprise parties?

What century are you living in? We have calendars, both physical and digital, alarms, reminders, countdowns, all sorts! If you're not the kind of person who can "memorise dates" then you can use the tech available to you and set a reminder for yourself at an appropriate time, or several times in the run-up if needs be.

Imagine forgetting your children's birthdays, would "oh well he's bad with dates" be okay then? I doubt it. Have some responsibility for your actions, and appreciate those you love!

I think you have to get over yourself, DoneWithThisShizzle. Do men forget significant others' birthdays and other occasions? Yes they do. Do women? Yes they do too. There are loads of people, men and women, out there who are upset by this kind of thing. They remember every time they've been offended and build it up into a major hurt.

The thing is, it's an easy fix. It just needs a conversation along the lines of "you know it's my birthday/our anniversary coming up soon - if you haven't already thought of a present, I'd really like a ...... Will you be able to source it or shall I help you?" Or, "shall we see If X and Y are available to go out for a meal for my birthday? It's been ages since we saw them." If you are the person who thinks that he doesn't love you because he doesn't remember special dates like you do, just remind your OH.

I'll freely admit that birthdays were never a big deal when I was growing up, and I actually can't think of anything worse than a big surprise at anytime, so I understand that maybe I don't really relate to the disappointment many feel when their birthdays seem to be a non event. But actually, one of my worst times was when I was alone on my birthday, working a 12 hour night shift and there was no post (birthday cards) nor phone calls. That's when I decided that was never going to happen again and resolved to remind my loved ones about everyone's significant dates. It does work, honestly.

Are birthdays never normally mentioned by either of you in the lead up to it? Do you think he’s forgotten because you or he would normally have referenced it by now?

Because life will be miserable for both of you if you don't?

Have you ever heard of a diary? Reminders on your phone?