To not remind my husband it's my birthday?

[DoneWithThisShizzle]

That's it exactly. It's my birthday in approximately 24 hours and I think he has forgotten. Hasn't asked what I want or snuck anything into the house. I've answered the door to the postie for the past two weeks and taken in nothing that he hasn't opened and shown me.

So as not to dripfeed, it's his mum's birthday the day after, it's a big one, so he's been organising a party for that (not that I think it's a good excuse to forget mine).

Do I remind him? Or not?

I'm at a bit of a loss with some of the other responses here. I've never really wrapped my head around the unspoken rule lived out by some women, who don't communicate what they want but reserve all rights to be fucked off if they don't get it!

I'm big believer in directness. If I want a thing, I ask for it. As a comparator, I simply can't wrap my head around all the MN threads about waiting around for a proposal in angst when one isn't forthcoming. That's your future: you have a right to an equal input. As for your birthday, a simple reminder will save a lot of angst on both sides and potentially avoid a miserable day for you - to me it's a no-brainer. Tell him what you'd like to do and ask him to book/make plans.

I'm a believer in play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Or none, as the case may be. Do what's necessary to ensure the happy birthday you deserve. But whatever you decide, I also wish you a very happy birthday , OP! 💐

🤣🤣 marriage takes effort! 🤣🤣

I wouldn't remind him, I don't think he will have forgotten & you'll feel lovely that he remembered without a reminder

😂😂😂

This is mumsnet OP @DoneWithThisShizzle wherein according to a lot of posters you are selfish, childish and self indulgent to even your own birthday as an adult.

I'm spending the day getting a grip on myself 😉 😂

Yes. Remind him.

Thst would be worse than forgetting 😬

In our house we all bang on about our birthdays for weeks on end so no one could ever forget! Can't imagine how it just never gets mentioned in the run up, even just casually??

I also text DH a list for presents! 🤣

This thread is bonkers, I can't comprehend how a marriage can be described as a good one but cannot have a simple conversation. I've dated men who couldn't be bothered to acknowledge my existence but those relationships were doomed with or without birthdays, by the OP's own account this is a loving relationship. I could not imagine not promoting or him prompting me if there was a risk of forgetting something that was important to the other.

I wouldn't dream of judging someone who doesn't feel loved. If you are going to let it play out and not feel bothered by it, then maybe it doesn't apply to you? For people on here who do find it hurtful, it often seems to come down to something like "I would never forget/always go to lengths to celebrate his birthday because I love him" So yes, for those people I can understand why they feel unloved and may actually not be loved in the way that they want.

I just don’t understand this. Why wouldn’t you say “I’m planning on doing xyz for my birthday with my friends in the evening.” (or whatever it is). It really does seem like you want him to forget, you want to “rib him forever” about it. I don’t get it.

I wouldn’t expect a grown adult to forget Christmas, but on the run up I’ll say “I was thinking about such and such for pudding,” or “Do you fancy xyz for Boxing Day” - not because I feel like I need to remind my husband that Christmas is coming up, but part of normal conversation.

You have made plans that could be ruined if he has made secret plans, but you don’t want to communicate that to him because…?

Yanbu. If he's capable of remembering his mums birthday the day after yours he's more than capable of remembering yours. I could understand if he was literally shit at remembering everyone else's birthdays but this is clearly not the case

It’s her birthday tomorrow if she prompts him and he has forgotten, that’s not going to make it any better, he’s already forgotten. That’s what’s hurtful. It can’t be remedied by him running out last minute.

these men who forget birthdays when their DPs find them meaningful are arses. Generally they have so little that they have to remember, failing to do so is lazy and unthinking.

I agree with @Hercisback1 - that's not 'reminding', it's just normal conversation. By purposely not mentioning your birthday in day to day discussion I would slightly wonder if he has pissed you off in some other unrelated way and you are deliberately not mentioning your birthday in advance and rather looking forward to being able to say "ta da, AND you forgot my birthday, you bastard"!

The above is slightly light-hearted but I continue to think it's odd that your birthday is not mentioned at all in the days preceding it.

Oh Captain, my Captain. 👏👏👏

Ugh. This is horrible. You say he’s a sweetheart yet you are doing this? My mum used to pull this shit. A long line of reasons why we don’t have a relationship, but she didn’t remind us and then made us feel horrible for forgetting. I’d never do that to my children or my husband. You are an adult in a partnership, act like it.

In our house we remember, hence my post.

Erm, yes! There was nothing wrong with that poster’s use of ‘molly coddle’.

It might just be me but I couldn't give this much of a damn about my birthday as an adult to be at a loss over it.

Maybe we've been through too much for it to register but I have even forgotten my own birthday in a time of extreme duress.

@underthisredrock

It is NOT a sin to forget someone's birthday

do you have DC? How many times have your forgotten their birthdays?

it’s astonishing to me the posters that claim forgetting birthdays is irrelevant as if it’s not difficult to do if you actually care about some and know that it matters to them.

Am I doing this though?

Just let him off the hook. It’s just a birthday. Life gets busy. If he’s otherwise a good husband then he hasn’t forgotten intentionally to hurt you so help the poor man out by dropping him a hint or getting a friend to drop it for you. This is one of those ‘be kind’ situations for real. You will both have a much better day for it. Why make him feel bad the day before a big day for his mum? There is already so much misery in the world. What good will it actually do you if you don’t help him out with this?

I've bookmarked this thread as I have to know....did he remember?? (fingers crossed!)

I would remind him unless you want to have the hump with him and spoil your own Birthday. I remind my DH and he never gets the chance to forget. I also tell him exactly what I want so I'm not disappointed.