To not remind my husband it's my birthday?

[DoneWithThisShizzle]

That's it exactly. It's my birthday in approximately 24 hours and I think he has forgotten. Hasn't asked what I want or snuck anything into the house. I've answered the door to the postie for the past two weeks and taken in nothing that he hasn't opened and shown me.

So as not to dripfeed, it's his mum's birthday the day after, it's a big one, so he's been organising a party for that (not that I think it's a good excuse to forget mine).

Do I remind him? Or not?

Do you think he may have done some sort of joint birthday party for you & his mum?

You've fallen victim to the competitive 'I'm far too mature and busy to care about silly things like birthdays' Olympics on here, unfortunately.

Yep this

No. That’s incorrect, but whatever makes you happy I guess.

Thank you for this measured approach. You clearly get it. Thanks for the birthday wishes too 😊

Your maths is mathing 😊

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I'm pretty convinced he hasn't forgotten, because he hasn't forgotten his mum's.

Ergo, don't remind him.

If he still did forget , you have to Enjoy your b day without him. You give yourself a gift, buy yourself gorgeous flowers, put them in a vase in the middle of the living room and if he asks, what they are for, you say: 'Somebody who loves and cares about me got them for my birthday'.

You say it with a smile, grab a glass of bubbly and go to have a bubble bath -; alone!

He won't forget again.

I wouldn’t be reminding him because he’s a bloody adult and shouldn’t need a reminder! Especially as his wife’s birthday has always been the day before his mother’s!!!
I hope he’s going to surprise you @DoneWithThisShizzleand that you have a lovely day tomorrow

Erm, cause I usually don't have to remind him?

I genuinely don't get this drama. Just like Valentine's day and the fuss over it when someone forgets.
What matters is how your partner is the other 363 days of the year.
Kind, caring, considerate, giving, involved in family. Certainly not the selfish, greedy, uninvolved, controlling performative arseh*oles who we read about regularly on here.
I know which I would prefer.

Oh, if you read my previous posts, yes, I will be hurt. Naturally. But it won't be grounds for divorce. Like you, we can work through our feelings together. I'm so glad you can do that. Wishing you many more happy years together.

My DP has absolutely no opportunity to forget my birthday 😂I bang on about it for about a month before and plan lots of things I enjoy. He cheerfully participates but I know if I left it to him it'd be a bit of a damp squib. He hates birthdays, his own included.

Before I get told my standards are on the floor etc. they are not, he's wonderful in basically every way I can think of aside from when it comes to special occasions.

I hope he's remembered OP - you sound very balanced but it's not nice to be disappointed on your birthday x

It's been eye opening, hasn't it! Thank you for the birthday wishes. I'm sure we'll be perfectly fine after he's done some suitable grovelling 🤣

Oh God, I hope not! It's her day!

it was like that with us too. One year we both forgot our anniversary. Setting up reminders on our online calendars was game changing! Not being judgy though we are all different. I do wonder though if the folk who are hurt when a birthday or anniversary is forgotten, have a deeper problem which is that for whatever reason, they don't completely feel sure that they are loved?

I bloody hope not! She deserves her own day too!

'Love language' is the absolute worst patter ever invented. Remembering your life partner's birthday isn't a 'love language', it's a basic task.

I hope you have a lovely surprise OP.

So why compare people who mention/plan their birthday to 8 year olds. As you say, we’re all different. I find people who come on mumsnet and mock people for even daring to want a birthday card as childish just unnecessarily mean,

You don’t bother with birthdays, fine, most people like to mark theirs, so it’s completely natural to say shall we go to so and so for dinner for my birthday.

In my marriage birthdays are a massive deal. There’s no way either of us could forget because we always have something amazing planned and we’ve spoken about it for weeks/months in advance. My wife’s birthday is months away but we have a Paris trip booked. We’re planning on booking centre parcs for mine and mine is even further away.

—-

Someone else mentioned not being able to have a good day because he forgot so reminding him won’t change that. I think it’s ok to be upset, but for me, I cannot fathom on my birthday keeping my upset to myself and I’d find myself one, upset they forgot, then two completely down and depressed that my birthday had gone unmarked. I’d be doubly upset, I’d much rather they feel mortified for almost forgetting and then spend the day trying to make it up to me lol

How on earth would you forget its your wife birthday the DAY BEFORE you mothers birthday which you have easily remembered and organized a party for?

Oh, I've got plans! And tbh, if he has remembered, he's going to ruin them 🤣🤣

🤣🤣🤣 I can relate! When I met him he was a terrible gift buyer and I refused to let him send some gifts to his nieces, they were so bad. One year I got two Furbies! Two! I soon trained him out of that!

It's win/win really. If he's forgotten you have a year's supply of ammo to draw on in times of trouble. 🎂

Well, that is quite a judgy reach! We usually don't need to remind each other or put the dates in our diaries. I wonder what that says about folk who have to?

omg - what's worse than getting one furbie for your birthday...? Getting two?? 😂

You've clearly come a long way OP!!

🤣🤣🤣🤣 exactly!