Child’s friend insulted house

[Spicychili]

As heading- my daughter’s 8 year old friend came over to play and kept asking why our house and garden are so small and commenting on it. This is a sore point as most kids at their school have larger houses! I overheard them so didn’t get involved in the discussion. My daughter seemed to brush it off. AIBU to be upset by this or is this normal?

Same. Growing up my mum had a friend who had loads of DC, a useless husband and an incredibly stressful life for various reasons. Her house was always a total mess, really quite shocking and I remember my mum telling me not to mention it. So, for me as a child, I wouldn't have dared to mention anything.

I agree but it seems on here 8 is too young to be taught good manners 🤷‍♀️ maybe some think an 8 yr old saying your mum’s fat (just an observation after all) is ok as they're too young to understand good manners?

It's amazing how many telepathic people are on here.

It's a fact not a judgement. She could probably care less.

8 years old is absolutely old enough to know that you don’t make fun of other children’s houses/ financial situations.

So many excuses - by 8 children know that calling someone fat or ugly or poor is rude and not allowed.
Making similar comments about possessions or food or homes etc is exactly the same.

Unfortunately they learn it from their parents

Did the child make fun of the house? Has OP given more info? Because in the original post it was just a passing comment.

I know right! All these people saying the child was just making an observation…. What are they like.

My three year old (at the time) used to comment on how many chimneys peoples houses had, as ours had three.
Our house was much bigger than most of her friends, but worth less in monetary terms as we lived in a shit area in comparison.

I remember a friend, who lived in a detached house, said he could never live in a semi detached house. We lived in a terraced house and I thought people who lived in semi detached houses, never mind detached, were posh. It all depends on your starting point.

Just as a matter of interest, to the posters saying ‘she’s only 8’, would any of your children say something like that? I know for a fact that neither of my children would ever have dreamed of saying something like that. They both had social filters from an early age. They are 17 and 13 now and remain very polite and respectful.

She’s 8. I wouldn’t even care.

Since when did fact absolve good manners?

This is the kind of things kids say.

When I was little I called my friend's garden messy and she got upset.

My friend's kid said we didn't have many toys once.

That's kids for you.

Our house is small but we will own all of it, I have friends with bigger houses that do shared ownership schemes so although we have a smaller house comparatively we're in a better financial position.

This will be hard to explain to my 6 year old!!

Yes, it's happened to me also.
Your house is so small; your kitchen is tiny; your car is small/old, etc.
Our house WAS small, and kitchen tiny.
I was a bit irritated, but did not intervene.
The car was a bit different, as DS friend kept arguing in the back, and I had to stop the car as it was potentially dangerous.

Mine too. It’s quite telling how important, and not important, teaching your children good manners from an early age is.

YANBU for thinking it's a bit cheeky, but YABU to get this upset over an 8 year old visitor's opinion!

If all the child has known are big houses she would of course comment on it. The insult is down to op's sensitivity. Op is projecting onto an 8 year old. Even if the child was being judgemental imagine a grown woman being insulted by the words of an 8 year old? The fact that your daughter was not bothered shows that the other child was not being mean or insulting.

You need to get your act together, op, and not pass your shame onto your kids. They should be proud of their house. You can't control what other people say, but you can teach your kids (in the event that they really are insulted) to say, "yes, isn't it wonderful. I love living here. It's so cosy and charming." Instead you are teaching them to feel less than because they live in a smaller house. I think it's all on you.

One of mine definitely would have at 8 - if he was interested or surprised by something he would just ask.

I used to live in a studio and a very wealthy relative visited with her small child, showed her the bathroom and sitting room - uninvited - and said: 'There! That's ALL Choc's house!'

On the whole I think an overheard remark by an eight year-old is a lot more forgiveable.

It’s poor manners but it’s funny and not worth getting upset about. This reminds me of when DD’s friend (at a similar age, maybe 8 or 9) was round for a play date and asked me when we were moving house. I looked at her confused and said what makes you think we are moving? And she said “because your house is absolutely tiny”
Turns out DD had told her we might be moving because poor DD was embarrassed that our house was not as flashy as theirs. She was a bit of a brat and it always made me laugh. For context our house is a 5 bedroom townhouse.

DD’s little friend visited when we moved into our converted farm
buildings. The place was huge. Little friend went home and commented ‘I feel sorry for Caroline, she lives in a cowshed!’

😂😂 Hilarious

We live in a small house. My children literally had no idea it was what we could afford and not a choice we made until they were surprisingly old. Like 9 and 11. It came up in conversation as we were visiting a big house. They simply though some people like big houses and some small.

Anyway, she may have been being rude, but she's a child and cant help her parents.

DDs friend once asked me (age 6) if i was trying to grow a beard. I got glasses and a magnifying mirror after that. 😀