Child’s friend insulted house

[Spicychili]

As heading- my daughter’s 8 year old friend came over to play and kept asking why our house and garden are so small and commenting on it. This is a sore point as most kids at their school have larger houses! I overheard them so didn’t get involved in the discussion. My daughter seemed to brush it off. AIBU to be upset by this or is this normal?

My DD's friend lives in a very small 3 bed semi. DD didn't realise we had a big house until she had a playdate with her friend at her house. She was 9 at the time and wouldn't of dreamed of telling her friend that her house was tiny. I think it's bad manners. Although, my DS is on the spectrum and literally has no filter and speaks his mind and he would be that child, I think it really depends on the child!

One of my friends small daughters, 4ish, saw my granny knickers hanging up "but why have you got Giant's Knickers Auntie?" Compared to her mother's dainty scraps that's what they were😄I've managed to struggle on despite this and refused to submit to despair.

She's 8 years old, get a bloody grip.

Wise up to yourself. She's 8 and children say all kinds of stuff. Don't take your insecurities out on a little child. They're innocent and don't do things to deliberately hurt you. OP even said she's not going to invite the little one round again over it! Absolutely pathetic to do that to a child just because she pointed out the obvious and she didn't like it. People truly are arseholes now.

Respectfully, I disagree. I wont be inviting the child back to ours either who said the same to my son. We have enough friends who are kind and considerate, no need to spend time on people, in your own home, who upsets you and who are unkind.

The child may not associate big houses with wealth and just commenting on a difference!
the same as wondering why both parents don’t live together or why people don’t have a pet etc

I agree.
I've never quite heard anything like this thread, where posters are judging 8 year olds.

It's obviously their own insecurities but what a shame for the kids whose playdates are being curtailed.

Ds1 had a school friend who lived next door to school (in a big house) and was astonished we walked "SO FAR" to school every day (10-12 mins walk 😆) when he came around for a playdate. He mentioned it multiple times on the way home.

I started to get a bit self conscious of our much smaller house Vs his until he saw our (small to average at best) garden and was equally astonished at how big it was compared to his. Again he talked about it a lot.

He wasn't being rude just talking out loud about the differences between his set up and ours. Some 8yos don't have a filter. I quickly decided I couldn't let an 8yo determine my views on my house but I definitely had a little wobble of confidence as I wanted ds' friends to have a good time and be complimentary about having the playdate with ds.

Psychologists would have a field day with some of the mumsnetters on here 🤣

When I was 8 I thought anyone not living in a detached was poor.
When I came to buy my own house I realised that anyone with a house of any size was working their buts off and that some tiny houses are worth more than some massive houses. And that someone can be poor ina massive house and rich in a small house. And that really people can be massive dicks in any size house.
Also that I would not now want a massive house as I could not find anything in it.
So no, I would not even consider an 8 year olds opinion on my house.

I remember saying that when a friend moved to a tiny place after the house they had lived in before seemed so huge to me. They'd had a huge garden and a five bedroom home with two living areas and a huge kitchen. It seemed massive to me as I grew up in a tiny flat. Then their situation changed and they moved to a tiny flat with a kitchenette that was basically part of the living room and two tiny bedrooms, no garden. I commented on how small it was.

No malice meant, no snobbery (economically pretty much everyone had bigger houses than us, and houses, not a flat like we had). It was just an observation and surprise due to the place they'd come from.

As an adult, I'd know why that is insensitive and rude and understand the economics of the situation. To 8 year old me, it was just an observation.

Don't take it too seriously. Kids don't understand or think about these things in the same way.

How many kids don’t even have a house ? We all need to learn not to compare ourselves to others or measure our worth like this … you should be able to mix with all backgrounds and hold your head up high … educate the ignorant or ignore them

Er well, Op's 8 year old daughter perhaps?

Maybe OP would have been more comfortable if the DC said she lived in a b&b with her whole family in one room
Count your blessings/privilege OP. Be proud of your home, having a bigger home or any home doesn't make you a better person than those without one.

This particular child is just that, somehow feels a need to try to be superior.

At that age you don't generally notice or care.

Same experience from an 11 year old, very condescending but was soon put in her place when the other 7 girls loved having fun.

I voted YANBU because even though it’s clearly unintentional and not malicious, it’s understandable to feel upset. Similar to when you’re overweight and a child asks if you’ve got a baby in your tummy but you’re just carrying extra weight 😅 would it upset me? Yes. Do I know it’s true? Yes. It’s NBU to be upset, it is BU to be offended.

My brother is divorced and co-parenting with his XW. My nephew was only 18 months when they split up. He came home from his friend's house aged about 6 and said that Cameron's mum and dad must be really poor as they only have one house and everyone has to live in it

This is really hard to teach too at a young age because again, kids say what they see so you run the risk of off the cuff comments such as ‘I know your house is smaller than mine because you have less money’ which is considerably worse. It doesn’t really matter how hard you try to tell them they also shouldn’t talk about money….they will largely at some point regurgitate things they’re told.

At that age I'd just take it as normal. I was the same, we had a 2-bed terrace when their friends had bigger houses, saying "why don't you have your own room?" and it would make me feel bad (I grew up in a 4-bed detached house but just can't afford the same as my parents). It then became how DDs friend has a few holidays a year and loads of activities. As my DC grew older they realised it was ok, which made me feel better - they said they eventually realised that their friends might have a lot, but that they have what they need.

This. It’s inconsequential.

OP’s already said her daughter was unbothered.

She is just saying what the rest of her friends and their parents are thinking.

My dc had a friend over - they were 5 - friend opened living room door and said “I can see why that door was closed, it’s so messy.” It wasn’t although I am untidy, and sensitive. I was upset, but realised it says more about the child’s family than me, and let it go. It’s not nice though.

Yeah, "seemed unbothered".
I suppose I thought if the other child started saying this at school and others picked up on it, then it could be a source of some sort of upset. But having read more comments, maybe I was over-reacting.

I've never seen anyone call a young girl a "right little bitch" before.

Where does this venom against a child come from?

And this:
my home is smaller than DBs but worth about 4x his because we live in different areas.

It's* *like na na na na nah, my cat's blacker than yours.
I'm so glad I don't know people like this...