Child’s friend insulted house

[Spicychili]

As heading- my daughter’s 8 year old friend came over to play and kept asking why our house and garden are so small and commenting on it. This is a sore point as most kids at their school have larger houses! I overheard them so didn’t get involved in the discussion. My daughter seemed to brush it off. AIBU to be upset by this or is this normal?

I feared this would have happened to us when our eldest DD moved from state to private school at aged 8. We had done a lot of soul searching, scrimping and saving etc. on whether this was the right thing to do for her, neither of us had any experience of private school world and lived in a bog standard 3 bed semi. Not one of DDs friends mentioned anything about the size of our house. I do feel for you OP and have been thinking that your experience could, so easily, have been mine.

From the mouths of babes! 😂

My dd's friend was like this and one day just couldn't stop going on about how small & dirty my house was...it wasn't dirty but it was smaller in comparison to hers.

I rang her mum and said that her dd wasn't enjoying herself as my house was too small & dirty so it was best to collect her. Her parents were really embarrassed & apologetic & the little madam was hopping mad that I grassed her up! Her parents saw a side to their dd that day that they'd never seen before & I've never invited the brat back.

I remember when I was that age we moved to a fairly big house and a boy of similar age said to me when out playing one day " your dads got a big mortgage" I was mortified , I had never heard of a mortgage at that age I thought my dad had a bad illness and went home crying lol, obvs heard the parents say it

Personally in this situation I would say something - kindly - and pull the child up on it. so - oh we love our house thanks! or - it's a little bit rude to comment on other peoples homes -

I have no problem p[ulling other kids up in an age appropriate way! but I would be kind / not cross about it as they don't know better until they know better!

btw - my child has a bigger house than some of her friends who live in flats and without reservation she prefers their flats! thinks they are more interesting/ have cool views/ etc / loves the community on the estates compared to our house with garden. I don't think children think like adults that 'bigger is better'

Its rude but little kids are quite crass and/or just not very bright.

At that age we were considered posh amongst DCs friends because we have a gardener, bought J20's and I had a cafetiere 🤣

DD had a friend around this age who also made similar comments, I found it extremely rude. She's 8 not 4 - should know better.

8 year olds say things like they are, and have no recognition of "polite conversation". Your house is smaler than she is accustomed to. Your garden is smaller than she is accustomed to. These are facts. The person imbuing them with meaning is you! It isn't mean and it isn't important.

There's thinking and actually voiceing your unwanted opinion. I think kids do come out with things. If it was my child I would of pulled them to aside and explained that it is rude and bad manners.

You are an adult so take no notice.

But it might be as well to prime your Dd to be robust about this sort of thing as she gets older.

“it’s the right size for us”
“it’s the life you live inside your house that counts”
”haha don’t be a show off “
”boasting is rude “

etc

Omg 🤣🤣 go you. I don't think I would of dared of called the child's parents up though.

It's fine to think it about any house.
It's fine to say it about your own house.
It's not fine to say it about someone else's house.
She's quite young but not tpo young to have been taught basic manners.

I think she was totally being judgemental, especially to bring it up many times. Eight is definitely old enough to be judgy, I have a five yr old and that's something he would be capable of too at his age. It's normal for kids notice these things.

😆

A pre-prep child once asked me ‘where’s the garden?’. We have a small terrace that backs onto one of London’s largest parks. So I laughed and said the whole park was our garden, nothing more was said and I certainly didn’t think the child was being rude. Is your house exceptionally small OP (like my garden). 😂

I think it was an innocent comment.

When I was a teenager a friend came to stay in our semi detached house, she said 'I've never stayed in a house with another house attached'

My boyfriends mum commented on my mums flat 'oh it's this lovely just like a holiday apartment' then blushed and said 'and so beautifully furnished'

People say things

She's 8.

That's all there is to it.

I thought my best friend's parents were posh because they sometimes had squirty cream on their (instant) coffee.

The last option is the closest to what I would have told my children to say, but more along the lines of ‘that’s very rude’. Because it is. My youngest would have said it without any prompting to be fair. He was always more tuned in to people’s intentions than his brother. And I do think, at 8, there is likely to be ill intent.

Pretty sure my DDs at 8 knew what was and wasn't rude. Don't underestimate her knowing full well she's being goady or showing off...this is the age when they start to figure out how to use social situations to one up the other, but don't have the sophistication to couch it in subtleties.

Our next-door neighbor kids were like this, and, surprise, surprise, they are now rude and condescending teenagers. It's learned behavior.

Years ago I was talking to our NDN over the fence. The child she was holding was about 6 or 7. He said ‘God, why is your garden so small compared to ours?’ I laughed and said ‘you need a bigger garden to do your football and cricket, there’s only two of us!’

His mother was mortified. I wasn’t. We were childless and in our early 30s, they were maybe ten years older with young kids. It wasn’t our forever home which is maybe why I took the comments with a pinch of salt.

For your child’s sake you should say something like ‘people choose where to spend their money. Some people choose to spend it on their house. And different people have different amounts of money. But questioning other people about money and where they spend it is not considered polite in this country ’ and leave it at that. But with a kind smile. So it’s not a telling off. Just information

I live in a small 2 bed bungalow, and DD's friend kept banging on about how much she loved it, so tiny , so cute . She lived in a massive 4 bed house with massive garden.

She thought she was being nice....

She also told DD she felt sorry for her because I only bought her Adidas trainers and not Nike. I told her that we don't follow brands, they are a waste of money and DD understands that she can buy 3 times as much by not wearing brands.

I remember when I was a teen, saying to my friends mum - if I won the lottery I would buy a little house like this, but I'd do it up really nice.... I meant that I would do it up so one room a bedroom, one room a library, one room a dressing room, turn the bathroom into a shower room, put a swimming pool in the garden etc, but it came out completely wrong

I do remember dds friend saying “gosh what an odd cake” at one of her birthday parties as I came out carrying it😀. She was a lovely girl and to be fair it was an odd cake! She didn’t say it in an unkind way but was funny and got bought cakes after that as cake decoration is definitely not my forte!

Dds current best friend is oligarch rich and the sweetest most appreciative teen ever. Spends a lot of time at our house hers is too huge to be homely.