My DB found a copy of my will and now all hell has broken loose

[senseoftiles]

Not sure where to post this but I need some outside perspective. NC for obvious reasons.

I don’t have children. I’m in my late 30s, single (in a relationship but not married), and I own my home outright, have decent savings/investments, and live a fairly quiet life with my two dogs who are essentially my family.

I recently wrote a will (not dying, just being sensible) and left a copy in my parent's safe. Well, my DB was apparently looking for something in the safe this week and came across it. And now all hell has broken loose.

My will sets up a trust so that whoever takes care of my dogs after I die gets £30k per year, to cover their care and essentially pay a "salary" in recognition. Once the dogs pass, that person inherits the remainder of my estate . I’ve listed my preferred carers in order: my current partner, my best friend, and three ex-boyfriends (all still in my life and responsible people). If none of them are willing/able, I’ve said the dogs should go to a breed-specific rescue that I support, with the same financial provision to the carer, on the condition that it isnt a staff member of the rescue

My DB has now lost it. He is FURIOUS. Apparently it’s “insulting” that I haven’t made any provision for his children (my nieces/nephews), even though he’s financially very well off. They live in a huge home worth a few million, his wife doesn’t work, and the kids are in private school. He says it’s “disgusting” that I’m prioritising dogs over “actual blood relatives” and that he’s not even being offered the chance to take the dogs and get the money.

For context: he hates my dogs, well all dogs really. Has said multiple times they’re dirty, and shouldn't be around his children etc. He refuses to have them in his house and has made it very clear he’d never want them. So I thought I was doing the kindest thing all around, choosing people who genuinely love animals and would care for them properly.

He’s now gone to my parents to complain and they’re caught in the middle. Mum thinks I should “keep the peace” and maybe consider leaving something to his kids to avoid drama. Dad’s staying out of it. My partner knows he has first refusal on the dogs, but nothing about the financial provision.

So… AIBU for leaving my money the way I have? Or should I rethink for the sake of keeping family harmony?

P.S. I’m not rich rich. It’s a decent estate but I’m not talking lottery money here. Just enough to live on comfortably and give the dogs a good life if I go before them.

Absolutely not - what a complete dick. Even if I had those thoughts and felt put out by my sister’s will, I would never ever say a thing. He has no right at all. What a knob. Stand firm, be clear you’re not having a negotiation about it and that he has not business reading your personal documents or suggesting any amendments. Sorry your mum is caught - not her fault, you’re bound to want peace kept as a mum - I get that. Take her out of it though and have a clean and clear conversation directly with him.

All I can say is thank you. I've sent your post to my partner to say we need to think about the dog and provisions if something happens to us.

It's your money to do what you want with.

But, good grief, there are people struggling at home and abroad with hunger, homelessness, discrimination, lack of opportunity. How on earth you think keeping your pets pampered is a good use of your legacy is beyond me.

Lucky dogs - well done with that will! I’d update it to give all money to Battersea, when your dogs die. But that’s all.

This

Personally if I was child free I'd leave everything to my brother's children divided equally, with a few small bequests to children of very long term friends (40years!).
I'm not, but I do have a will.

Absolutely your decision on what happens to your estate. Your brother was in the wrong for reading it. Just wondering do you have a close relationship with your nieces/nephews? You could leave them a token amount maybe.

why cant you keep you will at the bank?

even though he’s financially very well off. They live in a huge home worth a few million, his wife doesn’t work, and the kids are in private school

It's in the opening post.

Mine too fellow raw feeder.

£800 a month on daycare 5dpw is costly in the finacial modelling but it's important to make provisions for the worse case scenario in case.

Has he explained why he had the temerity to open your private documents?

What a knob

I adore all dogs .my own girl is gorgeous. However I think some money to niece or nephew would be kind.your DB is a bit of an entitled git.however his children haven't been poking about! Say 10 or 20 per cent or something. An ex boyfriend seems weird to me

I think this is fine. Nothing at all to do with your brother and it is him that is in the wrong for not only reading your will but having the audacity to think that it’s then ok to question it.
re nieces/ nephews- clearly they are from a more than stable background and don’t need your money. I think it would be far better to leave them something of yours, e.g jewellery/ watch or the like that is clearly from you rather than money. Hopefully you’ve done this and your parents at least should understand the sentiment. But again, really nothing to do with your brother, maybe different if they weren’t so financially well off

Is it entitled though? His response is terrible, but we live in a country where the only real option for financial support is from family, so I don't think it's entitled to think a single sister would leave something for her nieces and nephews.
It absolutely is entitled.
A couple of years ago my mum's single wealthy brother died.
Me and my siblings got nothing.
It didnt occur to me to be upset. Im not sure where all the money and assetts went but nothing to do with me.
There was no fall out, estrangement or anything.

Your brother is right. Your will is putting dogs before your relatives. It's kind of weird.

Leave your momey how YOU wish to, you are not responsible for enriching the children of your brother. He is being totally unreasonable.

Didn't Karl Lagerfeld do something similar regarding his cat?

Your estate, your wishes and I think you have done exactly the right thing.

Christ on a bike, now I've heard everything. 🤦‍♀️
@senseoftiles your brother is a jackass. He sounds like a complete prick. Your mum is an idiot. Your dad is the only smart one to stay out of it.
Stop keeping things at your parents.
Tell your brother your estate is none of his business and everything you said about him in your initial post.
FGS it is not up to you to keep the peace. Your brother is a rich greedy bastard that hates dogs. That says it all, really.

Depends on your relatives.

My will is similar - written 30 years ago, so refers to the cat I had then "or any domestic animals I may have at the time of my death".
Also my best friends - same age as me - are named, but also their children, who I've known since hey were born.
No way on earth I'd leave to my brothers' children - OK, it's not their fault their father is a thief and a rapist, but I've been no contact with him for 40+ years, so other than one or two meetings at weddings and funerals, I don't know them.

Considering you’re not even yet in your 40s it would be unlikely you’d die before your dogs.

Otherwise, I can’t see anything wrong with what you’ve done and think it’s totally out of order your DB read your will.

This.

It's a real shame but he's proved your instincts right. I'm sorry he's such a money grabber.

Has your brother left you anything in his will?

Her dogs are her family

Keep your will in a different place and make sure your lawyer has a copy. It’s your money and your decision.

It’s your money OP to leave to whoever you want. I applaud you for making sure your dogs are cared for.

I’d change your will as a PP suggested, leaving a tiny amount to your brother and kids. That way it is hard for him to challenge it if something does happen to you.