My DB found a copy of my will and now all hell has broken loose

[senseoftiles]

Not sure where to post this but I need some outside perspective. NC for obvious reasons.

I don’t have children. I’m in my late 30s, single (in a relationship but not married), and I own my home outright, have decent savings/investments, and live a fairly quiet life with my two dogs who are essentially my family.

I recently wrote a will (not dying, just being sensible) and left a copy in my parent's safe. Well, my DB was apparently looking for something in the safe this week and came across it. And now all hell has broken loose.

My will sets up a trust so that whoever takes care of my dogs after I die gets £30k per year, to cover their care and essentially pay a "salary" in recognition. Once the dogs pass, that person inherits the remainder of my estate . I’ve listed my preferred carers in order: my current partner, my best friend, and three ex-boyfriends (all still in my life and responsible people). If none of them are willing/able, I’ve said the dogs should go to a breed-specific rescue that I support, with the same financial provision to the carer, on the condition that it isnt a staff member of the rescue

My DB has now lost it. He is FURIOUS. Apparently it’s “insulting” that I haven’t made any provision for his children (my nieces/nephews), even though he’s financially very well off. They live in a huge home worth a few million, his wife doesn’t work, and the kids are in private school. He says it’s “disgusting” that I’m prioritising dogs over “actual blood relatives” and that he’s not even being offered the chance to take the dogs and get the money.

For context: he hates my dogs, well all dogs really. Has said multiple times they’re dirty, and shouldn't be around his children etc. He refuses to have them in his house and has made it very clear he’d never want them. So I thought I was doing the kindest thing all around, choosing people who genuinely love animals and would care for them properly.

He’s now gone to my parents to complain and they’re caught in the middle. Mum thinks I should “keep the peace” and maybe consider leaving something to his kids to avoid drama. Dad’s staying out of it. My partner knows he has first refusal on the dogs, but nothing about the financial provision.

So… AIBU for leaving my money the way I have? Or should I rethink for the sake of keeping family harmony?

P.S. I’m not rich rich. It’s a decent estate but I’m not talking lottery money here. Just enough to live on comfortably and give the dogs a good life if I go before them.

Thank you for doing this for your dogs, it's brilliant. It is your estate to deal with as you choose and you are not only protecting your dogs, you are freeing spaces in overstretched rescue centres. Sometimes relatives with children expect childfree family members to donate to the nearest member of the next generation but clearly your brother has enough to pass on, and even if didn't, you have earned this money, not him. He can jog on.

Its unlikely that the dogs will survive you. You shoukd really make a will which covers this as well.

Depending whether you want to stay in touch with your brother and family, you might want to leave some money to his children - entirely up to you.

This is a great name Hot and Sweatty.

Also agree. His behaviour tells me you’ve made the best decision for your dogs and that your brother is an entitled plonker.

I think your dogs are so lucky to have you and it’s very thoughtful of you to have done this for them.

There was no thought of pleasing you when OP wrote her will 😂 🐾

He really should not have read your will! Very bad form.

However, £30k a year for dogs? I'm sorry, but for much less they could be cared for and loved, and I personally think that leaving money to childre for education/university is a much better idea as it takes a generation to be educated to make real, good changes.

I love dogs, but to a degree I can understand his upset. I assume you have a good relationship with said children (if not, discard this entire message) so it would be strange not to include them in your will, especially as life is going to be incredibly tough for that generation.

All said though, your money, your choice and he must respect that.

Yes.

that's exactly the point I have made.

several times.

You do you but I love my family and wouldn’t prioritise a random stranger if none of the people I nominated fancied being a dog carer.

I'm not a fan of dogs but if I was the OP I think I'd set my dogs on him!
You should ignore/grey rock him, it's none of his business.
C'mon @senseoftiles dont react, take the wind out of his sails!

Because in the scenario the op is describing her dogs will be dead, random exes will be benefitting, and her Niblings - who we have no evidence are “dicks” - are left out. Tbh it would piss me off too if I were the OP’s sibling. But, as I acknowledged, I’m in the minority on mn of having common or garden good relations with my relations.

I'd amend the will to leave your brother a copy of this a book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/HOW-DOGS-BETTER-THAN-PEOPLE/dp/B0D94K17RD

And to leave a small trust fund for your nephews / nieces that is solely to be released to them to cover the costs of them adopting their own dogs.

I am possibly a little petty

I agree with other posters that you'd be wise to state that you don't want your brother anywhere near your dogs.

This post a million times over! 👊

Is it entitled though? His response is terrible, but we live in a country where the only real option for financial support is from family, so I don't think it's entitled to think a single sister would leave something for her nieces and nephews.

The children have a wealthy and greedy parent who can pay for that.

Inflation? I remember inflation, when we took out a mortgage at 10% interest and within 2 months or so it had jumped to 20%.

But my dogs eat pheasant, wild boar, venison, duck, goose, quail and other meats..chicken tripe , beef. And No way they’ll cost so much. Even my house won’t sell for anything like that and I’ve no mortgage

his wife doesn’t work

If he’s that bothered about the financial future of his children he needs to tell her to get a job and stop expecting you to drop dead!

Oh sorry, I didn't see the post about the parents being wealthy.

Tell him you are planning on outliving him and so he won’t be around to look after the dogs. It’s a will for your. Utter circumstances. You will likely rewrite it in 30 years.

Clearly there was no thought of pleading anyone but a couple of exes either. I don’t know why you think pleading me, because I disagree with you, is any more relevant than pleasing you. 😂 🐾

If you read the thread then she already has.

Any residual estate goes to Alder Hey Hospital.

@senseoftilesI am NOT a dog lover, but it’s your money to do with as you please.

Your brothers children will be well provided for by him and possibly even benefit from your parents estate.

He was rude to read the Will and his response is obnoxious. I would feel differently I admit if your brother and family were in need, but they are not and whilst I don’t “get” dogs I do understand that responsible owners want to make provision that reflects their emotional attachment to their pets.

*current circumstances

He is an utter wanker for looking at a private document (what was he doing snooping through your parents’ things?) and for his disgusting reaction. Your mother is enabling him - is he the ‘golden child’? She should be telling him to apologise.

The subject is not up for discussion. Close it down. And never leave any documents at your parents’ house.

Your will your money.
You have no dependents, only your dogs.
Your brother is completely in the wrong and should not have read your will.
Perhaps he was hoping that you died intestate (with no spouse or civil partner) then all your estate goes to your parents first, if they are dead then your siblings (and his descendants)!
Personally I might be inclined to leave £1-2k each to my nieces/nephews - so they can have a lovely treat from you but nothing to your brother.

Why do you assume the pp is in the minority? Most people would think this ‘will’ is absurd.

I think cutting out human family, or human welfare generally, for animal charities is a sign of a diseased mind (I can’t see how the ‘trust’ could work so it would almost certainly be turned into a dogs’ home donation).

The scenario the OP is planning for is today, now , currently. That is the purpose of a will.

when your circumstances change, or relationships with people in your will change and you become uncomfortable or lack confidence of what is in your will you should....

....update your will.

people keep trotting out "but she will outlive her dooooogggssss" as if a Will is something you write in stone and can never ever be changed.

(edit to fix a typo)

Way to tell your family you don't love them. Score.

I'd have kept that will a secret. I'd make a new one leaving everything to mhuman n relatives then secretly make your will back to the nuts dog one And leave instructions with a law firm.