My DB found a copy of my will and now all hell has broken loose

[senseoftiles]

Not sure where to post this but I need some outside perspective. NC for obvious reasons.

I don’t have children. I’m in my late 30s, single (in a relationship but not married), and I own my home outright, have decent savings/investments, and live a fairly quiet life with my two dogs who are essentially my family.

I recently wrote a will (not dying, just being sensible) and left a copy in my parent's safe. Well, my DB was apparently looking for something in the safe this week and came across it. And now all hell has broken loose.

My will sets up a trust so that whoever takes care of my dogs after I die gets £30k per year, to cover their care and essentially pay a "salary" in recognition. Once the dogs pass, that person inherits the remainder of my estate . I’ve listed my preferred carers in order: my current partner, my best friend, and three ex-boyfriends (all still in my life and responsible people). If none of them are willing/able, I’ve said the dogs should go to a breed-specific rescue that I support, with the same financial provision to the carer, on the condition that it isnt a staff member of the rescue

My DB has now lost it. He is FURIOUS. Apparently it’s “insulting” that I haven’t made any provision for his children (my nieces/nephews), even though he’s financially very well off. They live in a huge home worth a few million, his wife doesn’t work, and the kids are in private school. He says it’s “disgusting” that I’m prioritising dogs over “actual blood relatives” and that he’s not even being offered the chance to take the dogs and get the money.

For context: he hates my dogs, well all dogs really. Has said multiple times they’re dirty, and shouldn't be around his children etc. He refuses to have them in his house and has made it very clear he’d never want them. So I thought I was doing the kindest thing all around, choosing people who genuinely love animals and would care for them properly.

He’s now gone to my parents to complain and they’re caught in the middle. Mum thinks I should “keep the peace” and maybe consider leaving something to his kids to avoid drama. Dad’s staying out of it. My partner knows he has first refusal on the dogs, but nothing about the financial provision.

So… AIBU for leaving my money the way I have? Or should I rethink for the sake of keeping family harmony?

P.S. I’m not rich rich. It’s a decent estate but I’m not talking lottery money here. Just enough to live on comfortably and give the dogs a good life if I go before them.

Reading your Will is an appalling invasion of your privacy. It serves him right that it doesn’t say what he wanted it to.

My children have some childfree aunts and uncles, DH and I aren’t expecting them to leave our children anything, why should we?

It's your money to do with as you see fit. That's all it really boils down to.

However, you have essentially disinherited your family and I think that's always going to cause tensions because people do see what's left in a will as linked to sentimentality and how much you cared for the people in your life. So of course they would have found this hurtful.

Yanbu to choose what you want to do with your own money, but yabu to not expect them to have any feelings about it.

Often people make wills to make things easier for the people left behind who are grieving- not just financially easier but emotionally easier as well. But it's up to you at the end of the day. Your dB sounds horrible but I can see why this has offended him.

I’m with you 100% @senseoftiles my will is the same

I’m skint now but worth a fortune when I’m dead and don’t want my brothers getting a penny of it. So much so I reduced the money my mum would get (late 70's) so they don’t get a share if she dies after me (she'll be alight)

I’ve left money to my nephew, friends, an ex and cats protection. I've nominated friends who might care for any cats I have at the time and if not go back to CP

Tell hm to feck off

He shouldn't have read your will. Your parents should be furious that he did. Nobody should be engaging with him about the content of your private document. The odds are high that you will update your will several times during your lifetime, even if it's just to allow for future pets. You may decide eventually that you want to leave something to your brother's children but never let him know.

The Will doesn’t imply any such thing.

However much she values her niece and nephew they will be OK. They have a Mum and Dad . With money. And an education that should enable them to look after themselves.

The OP has taken on responsibility for two dogs. They cannot look after themselves and have no one else. It is important to the OP to know that should something unexpected happen the dogs will be properly provided for in a way that she feels is acceptable.

He can go get stuffed. If his family were poor and need the money fine. Lots of reasons why he should keep his stupid grabby thoughts to himself

It’s not about valuing them less, it’s about taking responsibility for beings that are in her care. Her niece/nephew are not her responsibility and won’t be suddenly left without care or money in the event of her death. Her dogs will be, so she is ensuring that they are provided for and that the person taking on that responsibility is given money for taking on that responsibility.

Otherwise her animals will likely end up having to be put down or go into a rescue/kennels, which can be highly distressing for a beloved pet.

I wish more people were like the OP and considered their animals in the event of their death!

It’s your money and none of his business. But I note the very high annual “salary” to your dog-carers. It might have been kinder to put a modest bequest to your nieces eg £2,000 each. That wouldn’t have detracted from the actual will. I think also this is something that will change as you get older - your thirties is still young to be fixed in your ideas tbh

Why would the person caring for your dogs then inherit the whole of your estate after they die? Seems excessive. He shouldn’t have read your will but I can see why he’d be upset on his children’s behalf.

I hope not. I’ve 2 big dogs just now, insured, vet whenever needed, including tomorrow as it happens, eat better than I do, but no way that much. I have £600 per month coming in for all of us. I won’t get that much money in total in their lifespan and I still have a house and car to run. ..and me of course. Quarter of a million? Something does not add up

Are you not furious that he read your private documents? Be angry back!!!!!

Good on you OP for looking after your dogs, your sole responsibility.

Do not change your will.

Whatever the circumstances are in 7? 10? 12? Years...

maybe another dog? Maybe her own child? Maybe an adopted child? Maybe a new friend she hasn't met yet? Maybe her pet Gekko if she's gone full reptilian. Maybe a charity she decides to dedicate all her retirement to...

....doesn't have to be decided now. I don't know what changes I'll make in reaction circumstances in future that haven't happened yet.

I'm a trustee of a fund set up to provide for a lady's cats after her death. It seems a sensible way to do things. She had a lot of cats and loved them. Her family sounded ghastly.

The cats have all been homed and the owners periodically apply to the trust fund (around £250K) to pay for their ongoing care and vets bills.

Why?

Op doesn't have dc, her db is a dick, why shouldn't she leave HER assets how she wants.

Edit. Typos fix

Your brother is a cheeky batstard; let's hope his 'well off children' won't grow up the same. Stick to your guns.

What I want to know is how you own your house outright and have great investments in your 30s!

Maybe missing the point...

I don't think you are unreasonable for choosing that but I probably would have left anything sentimental or a token at least to my nieces and nephews in your situation. It feels quite indulgent to leave your entire estate to say, an ex boyfriend IMO. £30k is loads for dog care for a year. I would rather have left whatever is left to a charity perhaps.

Scary isn't it.

inflation's a bitch 😭😫

So not only is your brother a snoop, who is happy to breach boundaries, but he is also an asshole who is totally out of line. Dont change you will, he is being a complete jerk. I have provisions for my pets if I die, and a portion of my estate will go to their care. And leaving the rest to a hospital is lovely.

Your mother needs to get a backbone and your brother needs to check himself. Sorry you have to deal with this. What an piece of work.

Yes, thank God you are in the minority.

OP:
He had absolutely no business reading your will.

And what is he getting het up about? Apart from the blatant grasping greed, this is a will for now. For a time when you have dogs you love and have responsibility for but a time when your demise is extremely unlikely. So largely theoretical.

In future, you might marry, have kids, win the lottery, experience financial ruin, get twice as many dogs… many many things that might prompt you to update your Will over the decades.

Your parents should be doing no more than telling him to mind his own damn business.

And keeping your documents more secure.

Your Bro has just about given you every single reason on earth to leave his kids Sweet Fuck All. They have plenty, they do not need it. They will probably never need it. You sound like a young woman who has all her shit together with a very wise head on her shoulders. Your Doggos are your priority and you have carefully thought everything through. Stick to your guns.
PS not dissing your bro but anyone that 'Hates Dogs' needs a swift kick in the nuts.

You say that as if it’s wrong.
Why shouldn’t someone love their dogs more than someone else’s children?? Her nieces/nephews have parents whose duty is to them - the OP has no duty whatsoever towards anyone but those SHE is responsible for. In this case that’s her dogs.
@senseoftiles -I’m 100% with you. Your dogs, your money.
Personally it would be a cold day in hell before I left DB or any of his offspring more than £1. But I would leave them each £1 to try and show you knew exactly what you were doing by excluding them. I would also leave a letter stating why I had done what I did-to prevent any claim on the estate.
And, I would certainly go LC/NC with brother who has utterly betrayed you and shown what he thinks of you.

What? Thank god only a minority have a loving relationship with parents, siblings and niblings? Yeah, that’s really alarming isn’t it? 🙄

But you'd just change your will if your circumstances changed?

mine says any pets at the time