My DB found a copy of my will and now all hell has broken loose

[senseoftiles]

Not sure where to post this but I need some outside perspective. NC for obvious reasons.

I don’t have children. I’m in my late 30s, single (in a relationship but not married), and I own my home outright, have decent savings/investments, and live a fairly quiet life with my two dogs who are essentially my family.

I recently wrote a will (not dying, just being sensible) and left a copy in my parent's safe. Well, my DB was apparently looking for something in the safe this week and came across it. And now all hell has broken loose.

My will sets up a trust so that whoever takes care of my dogs after I die gets £30k per year, to cover their care and essentially pay a "salary" in recognition. Once the dogs pass, that person inherits the remainder of my estate . I’ve listed my preferred carers in order: my current partner, my best friend, and three ex-boyfriends (all still in my life and responsible people). If none of them are willing/able, I’ve said the dogs should go to a breed-specific rescue that I support, with the same financial provision to the carer, on the condition that it isnt a staff member of the rescue

My DB has now lost it. He is FURIOUS. Apparently it’s “insulting” that I haven’t made any provision for his children (my nieces/nephews), even though he’s financially very well off. They live in a huge home worth a few million, his wife doesn’t work, and the kids are in private school. He says it’s “disgusting” that I’m prioritising dogs over “actual blood relatives” and that he’s not even being offered the chance to take the dogs and get the money.

For context: he hates my dogs, well all dogs really. Has said multiple times they’re dirty, and shouldn't be around his children etc. He refuses to have them in his house and has made it very clear he’d never want them. So I thought I was doing the kindest thing all around, choosing people who genuinely love animals and would care for them properly.

He’s now gone to my parents to complain and they’re caught in the middle. Mum thinks I should “keep the peace” and maybe consider leaving something to his kids to avoid drama. Dad’s staying out of it. My partner knows he has first refusal on the dogs, but nothing about the financial provision.

So… AIBU for leaving my money the way I have? Or should I rethink for the sake of keeping family harmony?

P.S. I’m not rich rich. It’s a decent estate but I’m not talking lottery money here. Just enough to live on comfortably and give the dogs a good life if I go before them.

In what way is having a list of people in your will that you would like to look after your dog, making provision to pay them £30,000 a year if they do so, stopping all payments if they don’t do so, but letting them inherit everything if they do so right up until the dogs’ death, anything other than a massive bribe?

Maybe OP does care about her dogs more? I have childfree friends who say their dogs are like their children to them. It’s up to them and it’s up to her. Not like the children are in need of financial help or likely to be?

A Google AI search said:

"A recent study found that only about 26% of UK pet owners over the age of 30 have made such provisions according to a report by The Association of Lifetime Lawyers."

The info suggested it's not that common in the UK, but I think 26% is a lot, actually.

I think you've done a wonderful job ensuring the dogs are cared for after you're gone. Your brother doesn't understand because he hates dogs. Please ignore him, it's frankly none of his business.

Why would they be when their parents have plenty of money, enough for private schools etc? Her brother sounds awful so his kids may be similarly entitled brats. Maybe op doesn’t have a close relationship with them and moreover she wants to make sure her dogs are looked after as they’re like her own children. Most people leave provision for their own children, not nephews and nieces.

Obviously the OP’s brother is thinking about when their parents die and presumably leave their children equal shares.
THAT’s what will be left to the dog sitter!

Prior to having DC, I had left provisions to my nephews and neices, and some will be quite wealthy from their parents. I adore them and would have loved them to have something from me. She's leaving her whole estate potentially to an ex boyfriend for looking after her dogs, so yeah that does seem a bit extreme (assuming she likes her nephews and neices)

That’s great for you but as I explained, not necessarily the case for the op. Plus she considers herself to have substitute children in the dogs so has provided for them accordingly.

Ah OK! Someone smart on here. Well that makes sense, and if I was the parents I'd be making sure that doesn't happen. I'd actually be fuming!

Totally agree if she doesn't like them, I wouldn't leave money to anyone I didn't like

Right I've said YANBU, which is true as it's your money, but the bit that I find a bit surprising is the 'you've looked after my dogs and been paid lots to do it, but even though they're now dead you can have the rest of my life savings' line.

I mean, I don't really GET why you've set up a trust for your dogs... essentially, whoever volunteers to look after them gets everything.

Unless I'm being thick and you mean that once the dogs die the person caring for them could have your estate net of all the other amounts you're bequeathing, but wouldn't that be % rather than absolute values meaning nothing would be left for the dog carer? I think I'm just confused.

What does the trust actually say anyway and how will the trustees check that if the dogs die it was genuine? People murder people for money... no matter who they are I'll be it'd be tempting to get the dogs PTS at the first sign of any health problems. Have you safeguarded against that? Even if the person was trustworthy- what if the dogs naturally die before the first year, or really quickly? Are you genuinely saying that someone who may have cared for them a matter of months gets hundreds of thousands in recognition?

Your DB sounds grabby but maybe he's similarly confused about how it'll work.

@Sgtmajormummy interesting point. Although I suspect that this post is a windup, if it’s real, the OP’s intentions could encourage her parents to change their own Wills.

Did a lawyer look over your will for you? You are in your late 30s and a dog apparently has an average lifespan of 12-13 years so it seems odd to write your will as though they are more likely to outlive you. Unless you are planning for any future pets you might own?

I would also consider if your partner, bf or exes would care for your dogs the way you want. An attractive inheritance is a motivator to sign up to the task but not necessarily to do it well. Might be worth having the rescuer as the first option.

I’d say I put it there as a test to see who read it. Say you hadn’t made your mind up, but as he was rude and read it and as he’s unhappy - you will be keeping it as it is. Had he talked to your rationally you may have considered his view.

Don’t leave the dogs with your brother—he doesn’t like them. The dogs should be with someone who loves them more than money. He can get lost

Surely if your partner can be trusted to look after the dogs then there is no need for all the complicated clauses? I doubt there are any couples with children who appoint 5 plus guardians in the event of their death. It sounds like you just fancied an opportunity to let everyone know where they stand in the pecking order with you. I hope favourite person 2 doesn't bump off favourite person 1 etc! And you totally knew that your parents would read the will and then be put in a difficult position if (and as your brother is greedy you knew it almost certainly would) the topic came up. Bonus that he read it himself.

Quite some brass neck isnt it, you'd think he'd be ashamed of snooping like that, instead he's trying to shame you OP!

your will, your business, it’s got the square root of fuck all to do with him and he shouldn’t have read your will. I could maybe (maaaaaaaybe) understand if he was skint but he’s not. Even then, none of his business. Do what you like, ignore his tantrums, he sounds like a fool.

....or a dog, come to that!

Are you serious?

I wonder if your parents had already read it OP, felt they ought to tell your brother and he decided he would play bad cop?
Tbh I cant imagine leaving the document with my parents were I in your shoes OP!

Agree re windup.
It's an imitation of this:
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-14008371/Indian-business-tycoon-91million-fortune-dog-Ratan-Tata.html

This.

I think this is a reach actually. If this was bothering him, he’d have said it as he certainly didn’t hold back otherwise! And given the GPs know that OP’s money is going to the animals and their carer, they can change their will can’t they? As is their prerogative.

it just amazes me how entitled people get over other people’s money.

The OP could then either make a new will, or because she will probably be in her late 40s early 50s, she could get more dogs!

Sorry @senseoftiles for answering for you, you have probably already replied to TeaandHobnobs anyway! I hardly ever post any replies until after I have at least checked all of the OPs posts on their thread, I don't know what came over me just now, so again, many apologies!

I probably cheeky fuckeringly, have a request to make of you, and it is quite a big one, please don't leave your brother anything in your will if you have no dogs at the time of your death (hopefully at least 40+ years away), and if his children are as entitled, and as rude as him, please don't leave them any money either!

How he could imagine you would leave your dogs to him when he won't even let them into his house, is beyond my understanding. If he took them on just for the money and the house, I can imagine how he would treat them, and it just doesn't bear thinking about 🥺

Thank you so much for being such a lovely, caring and responsible mum to your gorgeous dogs - I hope you don't mind me calling you their mum, but I was either mum or grandma to ours, especially as I hate being called any dogs owner - like you said, they are family, and not just an owned object. I do have children, and grandchildren, who I called my dogs siblings, or nieces and nephews. Unfortunately, my health and age both stop me from having another dog now, but I so miss my 'daughter' and my 'grandson'. ❤️

Edited for typo!