My DB found a copy of my will and now all hell has broken loose

[senseoftiles]

Not sure where to post this but I need some outside perspective. NC for obvious reasons.

I don’t have children. I’m in my late 30s, single (in a relationship but not married), and I own my home outright, have decent savings/investments, and live a fairly quiet life with my two dogs who are essentially my family.

I recently wrote a will (not dying, just being sensible) and left a copy in my parent's safe. Well, my DB was apparently looking for something in the safe this week and came across it. And now all hell has broken loose.

My will sets up a trust so that whoever takes care of my dogs after I die gets £30k per year, to cover their care and essentially pay a "salary" in recognition. Once the dogs pass, that person inherits the remainder of my estate . I’ve listed my preferred carers in order: my current partner, my best friend, and three ex-boyfriends (all still in my life and responsible people). If none of them are willing/able, I’ve said the dogs should go to a breed-specific rescue that I support, with the same financial provision to the carer, on the condition that it isnt a staff member of the rescue

My DB has now lost it. He is FURIOUS. Apparently it’s “insulting” that I haven’t made any provision for his children (my nieces/nephews), even though he’s financially very well off. They live in a huge home worth a few million, his wife doesn’t work, and the kids are in private school. He says it’s “disgusting” that I’m prioritising dogs over “actual blood relatives” and that he’s not even being offered the chance to take the dogs and get the money.

For context: he hates my dogs, well all dogs really. Has said multiple times they’re dirty, and shouldn't be around his children etc. He refuses to have them in his house and has made it very clear he’d never want them. So I thought I was doing the kindest thing all around, choosing people who genuinely love animals and would care for them properly.

He’s now gone to my parents to complain and they’re caught in the middle. Mum thinks I should “keep the peace” and maybe consider leaving something to his kids to avoid drama. Dad’s staying out of it. My partner knows he has first refusal on the dogs, but nothing about the financial provision.

So… AIBU for leaving my money the way I have? Or should I rethink for the sake of keeping family harmony?

P.S. I’m not rich rich. It’s a decent estate but I’m not talking lottery money here. Just enough to live on comfortably and give the dogs a good life if I go before them.

What you do with your money and estate is no one else’s business, I see several issues, firstly your DB for reading your will, demonstrating he feels entitled already, the fact he has that influence and manipulation over your mum is an additional red flag.

He is trying to control how you make choices, I’m sorry but he is a selfish knob head who has shown his true colours. I literally would not engage with him or anyone else over what is a private and personal matter.

i would come up with one line that I would say on repeat every single time anyone mentions a it… they will soon get the message

Most trusts will need legal advice from time to time (e.g dealing with the 10 year charge) but I agree, it's not usually the case that the solicitor is a trustee.

I love that you intend to correct that wrong.
Is there any reason not to do it now? What if they die first?

How would anyone know that the person has given the dogs away and make sure the payments stop? It seems very long winded and slightly OTT.

He shouldn’t have read your will, but it’s also a bit strange to prioritise dogs to the point that you create trust funds for them, whilst essentially ignoring your family.

But the only relevant point is that your will is your will. It’s your wishes, and your brother should fuck off about it all.

My DB has now lost it. He is FURIOUS
He got ahead of things and now he's in control of the narrative. Venting his fury to draw attention away from the fact that HE is the one in the wrong for violating OP's privacy.
I'm familiar with this tactic, when someone does this the force of the anger can be intimidating, you are kind of in freeze mode and you feel as if you're in the wrong when you're not.
@senseoftiles you should not be tying yourself in knots justifying the way in which you have arranged your affairs, not to us or your family. I would just refuse to discuss it.

My parents left their will with the solicitor. My aunt who was horrible to my mother stayed in my mum's room while she was in hospital dying. She was trying to look for the will. She didn't want me or my brother to have anything. If she found the will she would have destroyed it.

Yanbu. Do not change your will!
I mean I really dislike dogs so find it all quite strange, HOWEVER your brother (or his children) has no rights whatsoever to your money. He definitely has no right to kick up a fuss and say it’s not fair, especially as he’s not even short of money. He’s behaving in such an incredibly entitled way, don’t reward his bad behaviour by changing anything.
Your parents should stay out of it too and tell him, rightly, that it’s none of their business and everyone has the right to do whatever they wish with their money.

Your brother doesnt deserve anything after reading your will and not respecting your wishes, and neither do his kids. What a massive invasion of privacy.
you are doing the right thing and being a responsible pet owner to ensure your dogs are cared for should the worst happen. Why would you want your dogs to be homes with someone who doesn’t love them nor would care for them properly? My sister said she was insulted that I hadn’t left my cat to her in my will and that I would rather my cat be rehomed to a suitable home by the RSPCA. I just want my cat to be properly looked after which I know she wouldn’t be with my sister - it’s not about my sister like how your wishes aren’t about your brother

Has he left you any money in his will? What a cheek. He chooses to do what he wants with his money and you choose what to do with yours. Absolutely none of his business. Why would it be? I think leaving provisions for your beloved dogs is beautiful.

True also, but who is going to be a trustee for fido??

So many posters criticising the OP for having an "unusual life" or "batshit will"... This may be news to you, but there are many ways of living your life which are not the "traditional" ones, and people living these lives are often happy with them. I find that the ones who criticise them the most strongly are the ones living "traditional" lives and feeling miserable and trapped in them. They seem insanely jealous that other women have extricated themselves from the shitty "traditional values" and are living free, happy lives in which there are zero expectations of behaving in a specific way.

And yes, these women have relatives and friends they care deeply about without having to "prove it" by wiping their bums in old age, giving them money or enslaving themselves to them. They are called "equal relationships". Women like us who have chosen "untraditional" paths, who don't harm anyone else with our choices, and who are happy and fulfilled. Women who have the same expectations of life a man would have. And who, in all honesty, feel a bit amused at the criticism from other women who are shocked to the core these lives are possible, and apparently resentful they never chose them themselves.

The positive to all this is that i have been postponing officially writing my will, and this has given me the kick in the bum i needed to get it done. For that poster who said som,ething to the xtent of "an intelligent woman would have her will filed with a lawyer, not in a safe in her parents' house" or some such stupid assumption, this intelligent woman here has had the draft of her will unceremoniously lying in among a tower or unattended paperwork on my desk for over a year. So there.

And for others who condescendingly tell the OP that her dogs will most likely outlive, so what's the point... my best friend died at 25 in a car crash. This is the point of having a will, that we never really know when we will die. Reality is, most people die without a will because they assume, like many here do, that they won't die anytime soon. That's how a friend of mine ended up homeless, because her DP never got to do a will and then he died at 32 in an accident. Keep making jokes about this, and you may find yourself the bottom of your own joke.

OP, you sound like you have a cool life, where you have surrounded yourself with humansd and creatures whom you love and love you; it sounds like you have built a network of friends and people who love you not because of who you're related to, but because they value yo for who you are and what you do. Congratulations! Let the ones who envy your life keep seething. They are irrelevant to you. The people who love you will never treat you like your brother has done. Blood and genes mean nothing outside of pure biology. All humans are 99.98% identical to each other genetically, no individual genes are special. The ones who will make you happy are the ones you care about and who care about you.

regardless of the dog issue, I’d leave a bit of cash to nieces and nephews (10k each) for them each to do something special of their choosing (not their parents choosing).

I’d ask to read his. Bet you are not in it.

Well seeing as the way the law works is that in the absence of a will money goes to spouse and then children, your aunt really was wasting her time!

Definitely need to keep the peace. Rewrite your will and leave him and the kids a photo frame with a picture of the dogs inside 😁

My mum was a solicitor and used to do the odd thing, but sensible, when clients wanted to keep it at home of making to fully signed and witnessed originals and advised them to store them in completely separate locations.

@Falseknock That's a good point. If her brother has access to the safe, it’s best to keep another copy somewhere else/with someone else whom you trust.

Excellent.

Why are single women without children seen as milch cows by so many on this thread?

If I was you and this was my cats - there is no way in hell I’d leave them in someone’s care who didn’t like them. Stuff him.

Ha, that was my initial thought!

This, I'm surprised they didn't factor at all.

Ha ha, hilarious 😂

Yanbu. He is massively unreasonable.

My sister has no kids and is doing well. She is a great auntie. It has never crossed my mind that she ought to leave even a penny to my kids.

Your money. Your choice. You don't need to explain anything to anyone or do anything to appease either.

if your brother isn’t a dog lover then he leaves you no choice, you’re ensuring your dogs aren’t abandoned to a bad life - or death after you’re gone. I think you’re doing the right thing and being a responsible dog owner.

The bottom line here is that it’s your money and your choice. Personally, I can see why he feels how he does, to not even give your nieces/nephews a token amount is quite hurtful.