My DB found a copy of my will and now all hell has broken loose

[senseoftiles]

Not sure where to post this but I need some outside perspective. NC for obvious reasons.

I don’t have children. I’m in my late 30s, single (in a relationship but not married), and I own my home outright, have decent savings/investments, and live a fairly quiet life with my two dogs who are essentially my family.

I recently wrote a will (not dying, just being sensible) and left a copy in my parent's safe. Well, my DB was apparently looking for something in the safe this week and came across it. And now all hell has broken loose.

My will sets up a trust so that whoever takes care of my dogs after I die gets £30k per year, to cover their care and essentially pay a "salary" in recognition. Once the dogs pass, that person inherits the remainder of my estate . I’ve listed my preferred carers in order: my current partner, my best friend, and three ex-boyfriends (all still in my life and responsible people). If none of them are willing/able, I’ve said the dogs should go to a breed-specific rescue that I support, with the same financial provision to the carer, on the condition that it isnt a staff member of the rescue

My DB has now lost it. He is FURIOUS. Apparently it’s “insulting” that I haven’t made any provision for his children (my nieces/nephews), even though he’s financially very well off. They live in a huge home worth a few million, his wife doesn’t work, and the kids are in private school. He says it’s “disgusting” that I’m prioritising dogs over “actual blood relatives” and that he’s not even being offered the chance to take the dogs and get the money.

For context: he hates my dogs, well all dogs really. Has said multiple times they’re dirty, and shouldn't be around his children etc. He refuses to have them in his house and has made it very clear he’d never want them. So I thought I was doing the kindest thing all around, choosing people who genuinely love animals and would care for them properly.

He’s now gone to my parents to complain and they’re caught in the middle. Mum thinks I should “keep the peace” and maybe consider leaving something to his kids to avoid drama. Dad’s staying out of it. My partner knows he has first refusal on the dogs, but nothing about the financial provision.

So… AIBU for leaving my money the way I have? Or should I rethink for the sake of keeping family harmony?

P.S. I’m not rich rich. It’s a decent estate but I’m not talking lottery money here. Just enough to live on comfortably and give the dogs a good life if I go before them.

It's your money, and you're free to do whatever the fuck you like with it. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

Tell your brother that it's his job to make provisions for his kids and that it isn't his business what you choose to do with your own assets.

It doesn't matter if it's real. It's been an eye opener as to how grasping and entitled some posters are.

Why is he snooping in your things?! So rude! You can do what you like with your assets.

I think you need to get your own safe. He’s a wanker

There was something gained out of it I guess.

Mine is couched in terms of "any animals that are in my ownership at the time of my death"

The OP has said the brother is wealthy. Why is she having to leave her inheritance to the children who will already inherit well
from their nuclear family?

You absolutely don't have to give anything to nephews / nieces

but

those are batshit terms for a will, pretty sure by the time you do actually pass on you will have something much more mundane.

Your dogs are your family what’s so wrong with leaving money for them to be cared for if you go first? You sound very kind - and your brother not so much!!

True, especially as it sets up a trust, normally with this kind of thing the solicitor would be trustee.

The National Will Register will store your Will for a fee, Google it.

The replies are bonkers have I entered the twilight zone

I think you should rewrite your will and reassure him that you have changed it to leave 30 each to his kids.
Leave out the fact it’s £30 not £30k 😆

I would tell him that following his reaction you have thought about the situation carefully, and he is right, you should have mentioned his children in your will and so you are going to re write it.

(The person who looks after your dogs will get £31,000 pa, your nephews and nieces will get £500 each on their 18th birthday with the proviso that they spend it all on designer trainers or a piece of jewellery.)

done.

Wills are not written in stone, they reflect your life at the time you write it, you can change your mind at any time. I think your will and your wishes sound perfectly reasonable.

Just correcting my earlier post:
the carer inherits the balance once the dogs die.
if the dogs are put down unfairly a charity inherits the balance.

Due to the fees they charge it is not usual for a solicitor to be a trustee.

OP, you can do whatever you like. You have obviously thought about thus very carefully, to ensure that everything is in place on your death.
Your brother should never have read your Will in the first place.
The choices you make are none of his business.
In your shoes, I would be choosing to ignore the brother for quite some time.

OP. I applaud you

You keep doing you. Your money is yours to dispose of how you wish

My mum divorced my dad back in the early 70's and then married a well to do divorcee who had one daughter, and one granddaughter . Because he died intestate - mum copped the lot ( not lottery but not shabby ) when she dies its to be split amongst her "blood" children/grandchildren, cutting off her deceased husband's child and grandchild yet again

So I inherit

I also dont have children , my husband does, and we have a whole host of grandchildren

If I pop off first, intestate then he will be leaving what my mum inherited to his family. The children and grandchildren of the person on who's wealth is being passed down are going to lose out - again

So my will is to leave all inherited wealth to them. DH's kids can inherit any thing we have personally worked for

Going to upset a few Im sure, but its my decision

My great aunt pat cut out all her nieces and nephews and left the lot to the RNLB - a couple of MIL - mother to this day has never forgiven her

If it weren't for the fact that I will benefit from inherited wealth Id be spending anything I had to solve the problem going forwards

It's your money and your dogs. Your brother has no claim on your estate and why should you leave money to your nieces and nephews if you do not wish to. If your estate will produce 30k a year it's what most would consider sizeable btw.

i believe the majority of Wills are stored at home.
I write Wills as my job and it can often be a struggle to explain the consequences of a lost, defaced or destroyed Will. A scan or a photocopy isn’t going to do the job.

There's no requirement that a trustee is a solicitor. I'm a solicitor- the majority of the trusts I act for, several with assests of tens of millions, have no solicitors as trustees. We give advice to the trustees but that's not the same as acting as a trustee.

I could kind of see his point if you have inherited family money thay has filtered down through the generations. However, it sounds like all that you have is from your own hard work and therefore DB has no right to any opinion about your will. Time to be brave and tell him plus parents to mind their own business.

Wow he’s a CF @senseoftiles - sticking his beak in your private business. For a start I’d move your papers elsewhere and then leave him to stew. His family is well provided for. You could have left the whole lot to charity. You want your pets (your family) well-cared for. None of his business.

I don’t have pets but I can see why you have done what you’ve done. As far as I know none of my siblings are leaving anything to me or mine and I’ve never given it a thought - their money, their business. Absolutely out of order for me to have my nose out of joint if they do something I don’t agree with.

Personally I think it's a little sad you've left nothing to your neices and nephews, I'm assuming you like them so I'd feel upset about that (not the money, but the lack of thought). But given he's reacted that way I'd keep it as it is, especially as he's got money himself. I'd judge you a bit if I'm honest, but it's your money and your choice.