My DB found a copy of my will and now all hell has broken loose

[senseoftiles]

Not sure where to post this but I need some outside perspective. NC for obvious reasons.

I don’t have children. I’m in my late 30s, single (in a relationship but not married), and I own my home outright, have decent savings/investments, and live a fairly quiet life with my two dogs who are essentially my family.

I recently wrote a will (not dying, just being sensible) and left a copy in my parent's safe. Well, my DB was apparently looking for something in the safe this week and came across it. And now all hell has broken loose.

My will sets up a trust so that whoever takes care of my dogs after I die gets £30k per year, to cover their care and essentially pay a "salary" in recognition. Once the dogs pass, that person inherits the remainder of my estate . I’ve listed my preferred carers in order: my current partner, my best friend, and three ex-boyfriends (all still in my life and responsible people). If none of them are willing/able, I’ve said the dogs should go to a breed-specific rescue that I support, with the same financial provision to the carer, on the condition that it isnt a staff member of the rescue

My DB has now lost it. He is FURIOUS. Apparently it’s “insulting” that I haven’t made any provision for his children (my nieces/nephews), even though he’s financially very well off. They live in a huge home worth a few million, his wife doesn’t work, and the kids are in private school. He says it’s “disgusting” that I’m prioritising dogs over “actual blood relatives” and that he’s not even being offered the chance to take the dogs and get the money.

For context: he hates my dogs, well all dogs really. Has said multiple times they’re dirty, and shouldn't be around his children etc. He refuses to have them in his house and has made it very clear he’d never want them. So I thought I was doing the kindest thing all around, choosing people who genuinely love animals and would care for them properly.

He’s now gone to my parents to complain and they’re caught in the middle. Mum thinks I should “keep the peace” and maybe consider leaving something to his kids to avoid drama. Dad’s staying out of it. My partner knows he has first refusal on the dogs, but nothing about the financial provision.

So… AIBU for leaving my money the way I have? Or should I rethink for the sake of keeping family harmony?

P.S. I’m not rich rich. It’s a decent estate but I’m not talking lottery money here. Just enough to live on comfortably and give the dogs a good life if I go before them.

I strongly advise you to get your Will stored securely, , somewhere where none of your family members have access.
If your Will cannot be found on your death then the rules of intestacy apply and your brother would benefit.

To keep the peace alter the will to leave each of his children £10. Tell him you have altered the will to include a legacy to his children. Leave the new will with your solicitor - out of access for any family members

Your mistake was leaving it in your parents' safe instead of with a solicitor.

Why are childless aunts seen as sources of funding for nieces and nephews? We can leave our money to who or what we damn well please.

There are two sides here, all right:

The OP’s side and the OP’s side.

Her brother can MHOFB.

Money doesnt equal love.

Im with you, this isnt THE dogs v YOUR DNs its your responsibility for YOUR pets v SOMEONE ELSEs children.

I bet DB isnt leaving you any money? So why would you leaving your money to his children prove your love when he isnt proving his bu leaving a share of his estate to you.

If something/someone is living, and loves you and you are responsible for it, thats a duty of care.

And again this wouldnt be a problem if hed minded his own business

I agree personally.

Find this bizarre.

the fact the residual amount also goes to a random charity - do you dislike your family??

Your money, your choice.

It is a weird will though. Are you close with his kids? Do you love them?

I'd be majorly spiteful and give in to his demands. Leave 10 cents to each kid, a leave him 5 cents.

My dogs will get a similar provision so they are well looked after for the rest of their lives. It's my responsibility to ensure they are OK.

Like someone mentioned above, my niece and nephew don't make effort to see me. Drop in or meet up for coffee, lunch etc would be fine, but they can't even manage that when they're in my area. I always see them when I'm in theirs, so it feels very one sided. They'll inherit well from their parents and have had cars etc bought for them, so don't need my money. If my mum is still here, she'll get the majority. If not, my house will be donated to a domestic violence charity for women and children leaving abuse. It will be fully furnished, so they won't need to buy anything and has a yard for pets.

My family don’t look after me never mind my dog & I am in renal failure. I am expected to look after my 81yr old mom. Not sure I have anyone in my life who I would trust to look after her. Probably back to Many tears rescue, more likely to get adopters who would love & care for her.

re-write it. Leave his children 50p each.

It's not a random charity. The OP names it - Alder Hey Children's Hospital.

Read the OP's posts, it's the least you can do.

This stuff is rather glorious isn’t it. Your money your choice. He read a confidential document without permission and then threw a tantrum about the contents which had absolutely nothing to do with him. Priceless.

Right take your brothers tantrum of it. Do you love your nieces and nephews! If you do surely you could leave the bulk of your estate to them and still make sure your dogs are taken care of.
if you aren’t close them them it’s different

Would the solicitors not have a copy as well so be on the will list so to speak

Good on you, I would love to have the money to leave for my dogs if I die first. How dare your brother create when he has made it clear he doesn't even like them. Stick to your plan.

It's your money so you can do whatever you want.

That's the most ridiculous asinine will I've ever heard of in my life though

You have left your money to make sure that your loved ones are taken care of - for you, that's your beloved dogs. I salute you.
I have also made provisions for our lovely labrador in my will should DH and I both die at the same time.

Oh let him have his silly tantrum. Get fake-mad at HIM for prying. It's your money and what you do with it, alive or dead, is none of his business.

Your brother is ridiculous.

You are late 30s. Chances are you could live another 60 years and everything you own could go to paying for your care.

He read your private document without your permission? He snooped into your financial status with no authority? He betrayed your trust? Those are questions he needs to answer.

I am flabbergasted at the number of people who are sniffing around childless women's inheritances expecting to be beneficiaries...

I don't have children and I am now close to 50, I am enjoying thinking who and what I will leave my money to if I die. None of it is going to family members, they all have nice jobs and lives and don't need any extra money. This has nothing to do with how much i love them, but has to do with who really would benefit from some extra money. I am more thinking about dear friends of mine who are struggling financially, or with illness. Charities who, in my opinion, do worthwhile work and where the money is more likely to be spent in a way i support. And yes, I have an ex-DH who is still a very dear friend of mine and very important in my life, he's likely to benefit from a bit of help as his business is struggling, so he will most likely be part of my will too. He would likely be the one taking care of my (admittedly elderly) dog if I died as we adopted her when we were together and he loves her, but if I died tomorrow she has high vet costs, so of course I would attach some money to her care, for whoever took care of her. Would people really leave their dogs in the street to die after their death when they have the power to avoid this?

You may be even more surprised I am not leaving anything to my current DP, whom I adore. He has more money than me and does not need any more. Even he has said it himself when we talked about wills.

I never thought there would be so many preople who equated "money left to me in a will" with "how much someone cares about me".

I am also aghast at the posters denigrating OP by saying that she is planning to leave money to "random exes". Not everybody hates their ex partners and husbands. Some of us recognise the relationship did not work, but still see the qualities which initially attrracted us to them and value the friendship that is left. I keep in contact with two more ex partners. I am proud to call them friends. My ex-DH is closer to me than many of my blood relatives.

Unsurprisingly, these expectations of "providing for family members" don't extend to childless men. They can leave their money to whomever they want and not be criticised.

Well, I am now amused wondering about all those possible relatives who are expecting money from me after I die. If I believed in an afterlife I would have fun looking from a cloud at all the pearl-clutching despair.

Not unless you have stored it with them.
You need the original Will, not a copy to gain probate.
We advise all our clients to use secure storage for their Wills. My Will is in secure storage!
The issue is that people change their Wills so it could be argued that you had destroyed it. You are warned not to staple or use a paper clip on the document as the Probate Registry may believe that there was a further document attached to it.
There is no will list, other than the National Will registry which records the whereabouts of a stored will but doesn’t hold the document.

I am flabbergasted at the number of people who are sniffing around childless women's inheritances expecting to be beneficiaries...

Me too

I could write a book …….