My DB found a copy of my will and now all hell has broken loose

[senseoftiles]

Not sure where to post this but I need some outside perspective. NC for obvious reasons.

I don’t have children. I’m in my late 30s, single (in a relationship but not married), and I own my home outright, have decent savings/investments, and live a fairly quiet life with my two dogs who are essentially my family.

I recently wrote a will (not dying, just being sensible) and left a copy in my parent's safe. Well, my DB was apparently looking for something in the safe this week and came across it. And now all hell has broken loose.

My will sets up a trust so that whoever takes care of my dogs after I die gets £30k per year, to cover their care and essentially pay a "salary" in recognition. Once the dogs pass, that person inherits the remainder of my estate . I’ve listed my preferred carers in order: my current partner, my best friend, and three ex-boyfriends (all still in my life and responsible people). If none of them are willing/able, I’ve said the dogs should go to a breed-specific rescue that I support, with the same financial provision to the carer, on the condition that it isnt a staff member of the rescue

My DB has now lost it. He is FURIOUS. Apparently it’s “insulting” that I haven’t made any provision for his children (my nieces/nephews), even though he’s financially very well off. They live in a huge home worth a few million, his wife doesn’t work, and the kids are in private school. He says it’s “disgusting” that I’m prioritising dogs over “actual blood relatives” and that he’s not even being offered the chance to take the dogs and get the money.

For context: he hates my dogs, well all dogs really. Has said multiple times they’re dirty, and shouldn't be around his children etc. He refuses to have them in his house and has made it very clear he’d never want them. So I thought I was doing the kindest thing all around, choosing people who genuinely love animals and would care for them properly.

He’s now gone to my parents to complain and they’re caught in the middle. Mum thinks I should “keep the peace” and maybe consider leaving something to his kids to avoid drama. Dad’s staying out of it. My partner knows he has first refusal on the dogs, but nothing about the financial provision.

So… AIBU for leaving my money the way I have? Or should I rethink for the sake of keeping family harmony?

P.S. I’m not rich rich. It’s a decent estate but I’m not talking lottery money here. Just enough to live on comfortably and give the dogs a good life if I go before them.

And excellent if it eventually goes to a dogs charity instead. Better than to an over privileged neice and nephew quite frankly.

Obv has read the there are provisions.

I imagine making sure your dogs are taken care of gives you great peace of mind. It's your money, do whatever you want with it. It doesn't sound like your brother's children will want for anything anyway.

And what is he leaving you in his will op?

This is it. The contents of the Will are beside the point, it's the reading of the Will which is the key point.

However, you have essentially disinherited your family and I think that's always going to cause tensions because people do see what's left in a will as linked to sentimentality and how much you cared for the people in your life. So of course they would have found this hurtful.

I agree with this. Inheritance is often viewed as a proxy for love. It's why so many people are upset by wills that leave unequal shares of inheritance to children for example and why you see posts on here time and time again that parents should split their will equally between their children, regardless of their financial circumstances.

For that reason, I think it's a shame you're not leaving your niece and nephew even a token amount or something of sentimental value. My childless uncle died a very wealthy man and left my siblings and I £500 each which we all thought was a lovely gesture. I bought a painting for my house and think of him often when I walk past it. Rightly or wrongly, many people would be hurt by an aunt prioritising three of her ex boyfriends in a will whilst simultaneously ignoring their existence. I can understand the upset.

I also think £30k every year is an extraordinary amount for the care and upkeep of dogs when they could be very well looked after for far less than that and many wonderful charities out there could benefit more.

However. Your brother is an absolute dick. I can't actually believe he admitted reading your will because it's a bloody awful thing to do, let alone gone ballistic about it. It's not your niece and nephew's fault however that their father is an entitled shit.

Legend!

You may have a case for compensation if you contest the will. You'd have to log everything you do and time spent and typical rate one would be paid to do it.
On the other hand, why not ask for some compensation for all the work you are doing and will need to do once he becomes incapacitated and passes? Or, suggest he pay someone to take over?

It's your money so completely up to you. That being said if you had a decent amount of money and your brother had little money I could understand him being disappointed but that isn't the case.

Interesting that he sees your unmarried status as a future source of money for himself and his children. I don't see how your parents are being 'caught in the middle'. There is no middle position. He's simply behaving appallingly. I suppose it might be a bit different if you'd inherited family money but if it's all your own earned money it doesn't concern him in the slightest.

Eh? This will is leaving people who love her something - dogs she doesn’t trust them to look after unless paid to do so, and people she doesn’t value enough to leave anything for in their own right. It’s a huge bribe for anyone willing to put up with her dogs until the dogs die at the end of their natural lives, and a bribe is not a loving gesture.

You're perfectly reasonable OP and entitled to dispose of your money as you wish.

He sounds awful. Massive breach of privacy and confidentiality that he accessed it and read it without your authorisation.

It’s your money to do with as you see fit.

But personally, I think it is weird to specify your pets rather than your family. BUT again, your money…

I don't see how your parents are being 'caught in the middle'. There is no middle position

Really? i assume OP and DB will inherit the parents funds - now if I discovered my daughter planed on using my hard earned cash to fund a cat charity - (for example) my legacy is being left to my grandchildren!

As I've read several times on here, when someone shows you who they are... and your brother has just shown exactly why he isn't in your will.

I think it's a wonderful thing you have done for your dogs, and a very sensible thing to do. I love that your vet will still be making sure your dogs are given the best treatment while you are no longer there to decide that.

I would tell your mum the reason your brother isn't in it is because your will is about making sure your dogs do not suffer and as he doesn't like dogs, it would unfair to ask him to do this.

As for your brother, should you ever speak to him again, I would tell him his kids should benefit from their parents wills. Though you could leave them a token amount held in trust until X age.

I would also not keep the will in your parents safe. It might end up 'disappearing' after you've gone and your money will end up going down the various people who'd inherit when there is no will and no spouse or children

I would ask DB how much of his estate he is leaving to you.

Oh, nothing? Huh… well, I guess that makes you equal.

Your entitled DB can f right off.

I'm old. I have always trusted animals rather than people, due to sexual and physical abuse by family members and not being believed when I told close family members about it. Consequently, I spent hours with my animals and the local farmer's stock.
I have a young cat and a beautiful old horse. My will specifies that my horse remains at his 5* full livery yard, and my cat goes to the local Cats Protection Society rehoming centre. My son has a very hefty Army pension, and a good job, and CPS have a monthly donation.

Excellent idea. Don't get involved in his silly drama. Your money is not his business.

That’s because of nosy parker prick of a brother muddying the issue. Leaving significant amounts of money for two pet dogs is bonkers.

The house I bought was a probate sale, the person who died was in her 50s, single, with adult children. No one had thought about the cat, which was left living in the house for a year with the adult children popping in and the neighbours taking pity and feeding it. They left the cat for us, lied and said they couldn’t catch it (we managed to very easily) lied to the estate agent saying they’d sorted out a rescue center to collect it a week after, but they’d not even contacted them. The cat had been around when they were still living at home so was their childhood pet too. I’ve always thought it was incredibly heartless to take the money from the sale but not give a shit about the cat that their mother loved. I’ve got kids and if I had a dog in the future I’d definitely plan something which took care of them all.

It’s your money, your choice

However I still think it’s very strange to prioritise the dogs over people.

Your brother should not have read your will.
If I was in your parent’s place, I would hope that hope that any money I left to you that you in turn would leave it to your children or if you didn’t have any to your nieces and nephews.

Well I would find it weird if my sibling left their money to their cats & nothing to my dc. However I get on with my siblings & am not a multi millionaire.

Where does it say they couldn’t be trusted unless paid?
They might not even know that they will be financial beneficiaries in her will even though they agreed to look after the dogs.