My DB found a copy of my will and now all hell has broken loose

[senseoftiles]

Not sure where to post this but I need some outside perspective. NC for obvious reasons.

I don’t have children. I’m in my late 30s, single (in a relationship but not married), and I own my home outright, have decent savings/investments, and live a fairly quiet life with my two dogs who are essentially my family.

I recently wrote a will (not dying, just being sensible) and left a copy in my parent's safe. Well, my DB was apparently looking for something in the safe this week and came across it. And now all hell has broken loose.

My will sets up a trust so that whoever takes care of my dogs after I die gets £30k per year, to cover their care and essentially pay a "salary" in recognition. Once the dogs pass, that person inherits the remainder of my estate . I’ve listed my preferred carers in order: my current partner, my best friend, and three ex-boyfriends (all still in my life and responsible people). If none of them are willing/able, I’ve said the dogs should go to a breed-specific rescue that I support, with the same financial provision to the carer, on the condition that it isnt a staff member of the rescue

My DB has now lost it. He is FURIOUS. Apparently it’s “insulting” that I haven’t made any provision for his children (my nieces/nephews), even though he’s financially very well off. They live in a huge home worth a few million, his wife doesn’t work, and the kids are in private school. He says it’s “disgusting” that I’m prioritising dogs over “actual blood relatives” and that he’s not even being offered the chance to take the dogs and get the money.

For context: he hates my dogs, well all dogs really. Has said multiple times they’re dirty, and shouldn't be around his children etc. He refuses to have them in his house and has made it very clear he’d never want them. So I thought I was doing the kindest thing all around, choosing people who genuinely love animals and would care for them properly.

He’s now gone to my parents to complain and they’re caught in the middle. Mum thinks I should “keep the peace” and maybe consider leaving something to his kids to avoid drama. Dad’s staying out of it. My partner knows he has first refusal on the dogs, but nothing about the financial provision.

So… AIBU for leaving my money the way I have? Or should I rethink for the sake of keeping family harmony?

P.S. I’m not rich rich. It’s a decent estate but I’m not talking lottery money here. Just enough to live on comfortably and give the dogs a good life if I go before them.

In your situation, I would amend the will to give the brother a token legacy: one case of Pedigree Chum.

What you’ve done sounds perfect - kind and sensible. Your greedy brother should not have read the will in the first place.
I’m glad I found this thread actually as I need to make a new will myself and will make sure my dogs will be cared for in a similar way to this. Thanks for the inspiration!

How much do you get in HIS will?

What was he even doing reading your will?! That's private! (sorry if this has been mentioned half a dozen times, I don't have time to read the whole thread.)

Can’t believe he read your Will 😳 even more shocked by his reaction to it.

My FIL gave us a copy of his in an unsealed envelope, we filed it unread. We know where to find it when we need it which hopefully isn’t for a while. I also hope he’s spending his money on frivolous stuff that takes his fancy right now rather than being sensible.

Bullseye!

@senseoftiles if it makes you feel better I'm in a similarish position no children and pets. I'm going to be writing my will this year, will have a decent chunk of money in my estate but not lottery winning amounts. Siblings are fairly well off with decent jobs, not as well off as your db, I will be leaving a sum of money to whoever looks after my animals as they are dependent on me and I want to ensure they would have everything they need in the event of my death. I will be leaving some to other family members including a dn who would benefit but if my sibling was as well off as your brother, I wouldn't bother. He is acting like a spoilt brat with entitlement to your money and read your private will. I'd be telling him to piss off. Your niece's future finances are not your responsibility

YANBU. Your DB sounds entitled, overbearing, spoilt and rude.

Do not give in to his bullying. Ignore him.

He’s being mad anyway - you’re a young woman and the likelihood is the situation won’t arise!

Your will is a bit weird and rather sad - you apparently don’t love or trust any human beings whatsoever vey much, but will enable one human to inherit your estate if they care for your beloved dogs until they die of natural causes, which you don’t seem to trust anyone to do if they simply inherit your estate. Even your partner gets nothing at all unless he looks after your dogs, so you don’t even trust him, or love him enough to give him anything in memory of you except your dogs, and even then only if he looks after them as per your expectations (ie with strings attached, to ensure he does what you want, for which you apparently think he needs a bribe). However, it’s your money and nobody else’s business, just bear in mind your attitude is actually a bit hurtful for anyone who loves you, as it demonstrates no love for anything but your dogs.

YANBU - your brother sounds horrible! Imagine counting on your will - on your death - for his children, or for anyone! Disgusting.

He would never be seeing a penny of my money now. And your parents need to grow a pair (each) and recognise who is right and who is wrong, not just say “oh we’re caught in the middle” and expect you to “keep the peace”.

To avoid your brother contesting any will, you should leave the children an token gesture - even if it’s a small sum or jewellery - that way your wises are clear:

If you leave them out, it can be contested.

Dear Christ was it not in a sealed envelope???
Even worse dod the nosey fucker break the seal??
I wouldn’t be able to get past him reading the darned thing - if I were your parents whose safe he was poking about in I would be furious!

The brother is not a dependent and neither are his children, so he can’t contest his sister’s will.

You are 30. So unlikely to die before your dogs

if you are still with your partner once dogs have died - are you getting more dogs

how old are dogs now

I take it you don’t want children ?

qnd if no dogs then money goes to a children’s hospital. Not your partner

I take it you won’t ever live with partner or have kids with him or marry him

yes unusual to leave to dogs but guess they are your babies

if you like your nieces /nephew then be nice to leave a little something to them

Unlikely unless they are dependants.

It's your will, your money, but I do understand the hurt of money that could help out family, being diverted & elsewhere. It feels like you don't matter, regardless of your right to do so freely.

I have my childless uncle's will as I'm executor. He's left a tiny amount to all DN's, purely to stop us contesting & the rest goes to a now fully funded medical charity (government is funding them so they'll just spend in on new company cars). He's now coming over this weekend to get free financial advice worth thousands, in time we don't have really, can't say no without looking like a dick. I've helped him out a lot, the only one who bothered with him & will be expected to do his aged care management, funeral etc. He knows we've struggled financially. I'm not entitled to his money in any way, but to physically see that I'm not getting any help from him, after all I've done & am expected to do, is hurtful. The only reason for the token amount is that his partner's son contested her will (also left out) and won.

I'd never say anything, but damn it hurts and I've backed away as I feel like I'm just a free carer. It's not my place to to expect anything but it does have a significance to be ignored. Your DB handled it badly but I get the reaction.

My issue is that he read it, although I'm being prodded constantly by family to reveal what's in uncle's will!! I never would, but it's embarrassing when they all assume I'm inheriting.....

Do You ever have a day off?

Personally I would have left both my dogs and niece and nephews something. I love them all so why not. This is how I would make my own choice, without the input of anyone’s opinion.

Your brothers reaction should have no influence in how you write your will and yes it was not good that he read it.

I would worry they would pocket the money and not look after the dogs. 🫣

Eh?
I don’t expect anyone who loves me to leave me anything (except my spouse - we have a joint will). My parents can leave what they may have left to a cause they believe in, if they so desire.
Admittedly, if they left it to a random person with no clear need it would be odd.
OP’s dogs will have a need they can’t meet themselves and are at the mercy of new owners.
But where there’s a will there’s a relative!

Because 93% of posters in the poll are saying the OP is not being unreasonable!!

The only issue amongst all of this is that your brother read your will! How DARE he!? I would be furious and I'd be letting him know that too

Tell him to fuck off

I and my partner (no kids) have done similar - all money left to charity - animal and other charity, his niece and nephew live in a wealthy household and will inherit lots from grandmother. If we had a great relationship with the kids things may be different but we hardly see them and when we do they ignore us.

Your brother is bang out of order.

I’m beth surprised you’d leave absolutely zilch to your nephew/niece though. That sounds quite mean tbh