My DB found a copy of my will and now all hell has broken loose

[senseoftiles]

Not sure where to post this but I need some outside perspective. NC for obvious reasons.

I don’t have children. I’m in my late 30s, single (in a relationship but not married), and I own my home outright, have decent savings/investments, and live a fairly quiet life with my two dogs who are essentially my family.

I recently wrote a will (not dying, just being sensible) and left a copy in my parent's safe. Well, my DB was apparently looking for something in the safe this week and came across it. And now all hell has broken loose.

My will sets up a trust so that whoever takes care of my dogs after I die gets £30k per year, to cover their care and essentially pay a "salary" in recognition. Once the dogs pass, that person inherits the remainder of my estate . I’ve listed my preferred carers in order: my current partner, my best friend, and three ex-boyfriends (all still in my life and responsible people). If none of them are willing/able, I’ve said the dogs should go to a breed-specific rescue that I support, with the same financial provision to the carer, on the condition that it isnt a staff member of the rescue

My DB has now lost it. He is FURIOUS. Apparently it’s “insulting” that I haven’t made any provision for his children (my nieces/nephews), even though he’s financially very well off. They live in a huge home worth a few million, his wife doesn’t work, and the kids are in private school. He says it’s “disgusting” that I’m prioritising dogs over “actual blood relatives” and that he’s not even being offered the chance to take the dogs and get the money.

For context: he hates my dogs, well all dogs really. Has said multiple times they’re dirty, and shouldn't be around his children etc. He refuses to have them in his house and has made it very clear he’d never want them. So I thought I was doing the kindest thing all around, choosing people who genuinely love animals and would care for them properly.

He’s now gone to my parents to complain and they’re caught in the middle. Mum thinks I should “keep the peace” and maybe consider leaving something to his kids to avoid drama. Dad’s staying out of it. My partner knows he has first refusal on the dogs, but nothing about the financial provision.

So… AIBU for leaving my money the way I have? Or should I rethink for the sake of keeping family harmony?

P.S. I’m not rich rich. It’s a decent estate but I’m not talking lottery money here. Just enough to live on comfortably and give the dogs a good life if I go before them.

You think?

Your Brother is SO out of line here!

You do you and ignore him. You sound lovely

I think it’s great to leave money to ensure your dogs are well looked after but I can’t imagine not leaving anything to my nieces and nephews

My only sibling is also a bellend, but the main difference between your brother and mine is that yours is minted and his kids would be well looked after if your estate never existed. To that end, those kids don’t need whatever proportion of your money they would get as it will likely be a drop in the ocean compared to what they will get from their father.

Don’t leave them a single penny, or as a PP said, £1 each, but make it clear that the reason for your decision is 100% their father’s behaviour back in 2025.

Maybe op is barking mad??
My aunt left 10k to WWF..

I want to say YANBU, as it's your money. There is this small voice in my head saying that when our world was turned upside down and DH was in hospital, and very poorly, and still is (terminal condition), the saving grace for our finances was that he'd has a small inheritance from his auntie a couple of years earlier. I'm forever grateful for that inheritance. She chose to leave her money split equally between her five nephews and nieces. I'd have also supported her if she'd left it to charity too. It was hers to give as she pleased, but it's made such a difference in our lives. Also DH did love her. Do what you think is best, whether it be partner, dogs, charity or family.

I hope your mother told your brother to get over it in order to “keep the peace.”

I’d never speak to him again.

He happened to find it? He is an out and out CF. You wouldn't trust him with the dogs. It's your money, your decision but the good news is you have confirmation he is a grabby CF. Running to mummy and daddy to complain? Clearly one of those who can never have enough.

It's not even about whether or not the dogs are like OP's children. The fact is that they are her responsibility and she has planned they be looked after by people she knows and trusts will care for them. She has planned to ensure their care is covered so as not to financially burden the person looking after the dogs and ensure they are compensated for the task as well. If the dogs die and there is still money in the trust for their care it goes to charity. It is all very sensible.
OP's brother is wealthy. His family are well provided for. Not only does he not like dogs, he has shown disgust for OP's dogs and expressed they not be around his children.
Why would OP consider asking her brother, or his family, to care for her dogs?
The brother's indignation is absurd.
He just wants her money.

I would not be leaving private documents in that safe again

I haven't read the full thread but have read the OP's posts. I am a lot older than you but I did something similar when I made my will several years ago. Yes we all hope to live to old age but plane crashes and similar happen and if you have (or might have) dependants of any species, its your duty to take care of them and to make provision.
Thats me being calm and objective but now my opinion
HE READ YOUR WILL?????HE FUCKING READ YOUR FUCKING WILL????HOW FUCKING DARE HE????
The fact that you (rightly in my view) made provision for your dogs dwindles to insignificance beside the fact that your brother overstepped to beyond the Milky Way. I don't think I could ever trust a sibling who did this or fail to remember what he did everytime I saw him or he was mentioned. I really hope that all hell did break loose and that you are the one who broke it loose.
I do feel sorry for your parents for having such a shit of a son. I think your Mum should have it gently pointed out to her what a terrible thing her son did and that you have zero intention of rewarding such bad behaviour in order to keep the peace because the keeping the peace ship sailed when your nosey bastard of a brother read your will.....sorry losing it again.

Prioritising dogs over your living human family is absolutely wild.

That may have just been autocorrect, but make sure it’s spelt correctly in your will. The bequest may fail if not, especially if there is a disgruntled relative. 'Alder Hey Children’s Charity'.

I think you're making the wrong decision, really. Your brother acted really badly and for that reason I wouldn't include him in my will, but I wouldn't put animals before humans in a will. I'd want my dogs to be with someone who wanted them for themselves, not because there's an inheritance attached to it.

Complaints handler here.
As he has complained to your parents, may I suggest that they find his complaint unjustified because your brother’s expectations are not reasonable.

Unsure if there is a parents ombudsman, but I doubt it.

I have dogs, I adore them. I have similar will provisions. Thankfully no grabby brother.

His meltdown is outrageous. Suggest to him that he gives his head a wobble. He should never have looked at your will, it’s not his business.

no it is not. Its a responsible attitude. The children won't need the money, the dogs will.

It would be interesting to see what's in your DB's will. It's outrageous he looked at it, none of his business, and even more outrageous that he's kicking off about it.

I absolutely would not change the will. Bad behaviour shouldn't be rewarded. I'm sorry your parents aren't standing up for you.

You're assuming all this is true.

Dogs are expensive to keep and it gets worse as they get older. Would you want a situation where the dogs couldn't go to to the person who would love and care for them because they couldn't afford it?

Wait, what? There’s no Alder Hey?

In your opinion.
My animals are my whole world and as I don’t have children, they will always be my priority.

What a selfish and rather spoiled-sounding brat of a man he is. Not a penny of that is ‘his.’ He’s owed nothing. How dare he have a tantrum about what you do with it!

Not a chance in hell should any money going to his family. He can provide for them himself, and good on you for making provision for your dogs. He's shown his true colours and they are not attractive.

Your mum needs to stay out of it, nothing to do with her.

How you leave your money in your Will is entirely up to you. Wills can be changed within hours anyway. In a few years you might have no pets and might have changed your Will in favour of your nieces/nephews. On the other hand you might just leave it to a charity or some random homeless person on the street.

The key here is that your brother is in the wrong but he’s laying the ‘blame’ on you. It’s not about money it’s about respect. It was completely disrespectful of him to snoop your Will.

I’d be inclined to tell him you’ve changed your Will, take the current copy off your parents whether you do make a new one or not, make sure any subsequent Wills are lodged with the Probate Office and not where any family member might find them.

Do what you want with your money while you are alive or willed for when you aren’t around anymore.

It’s not about money it’s about respect.

You take care of your family that lives with you. Nothing to do with any one else.