Page 28 | Sister's wedding and no children invited

BigSister1991 · 2025-07-21T13:15:42+00:00

My younger sister is getting married next year and no children (including family children) are invited to any of the wedding celebrations. We will have two children by then (aged 2.5 and 6 months). They are the only children in the family. The wedding is 2 hours drive from our home and over 3 days - starting on Friday and ending on Sunday. Our blood family only consists of my Mum and Sister and so I'm disappointed that my Sister would not want her nephew/niece there or want to include them in the day (and that there won't be any photos of them there). I work full time and weekends with my children are important to me and so I'm sad to have to spend 2 days away from them. The expectation from my Mum and Sister is that me and my husband attend the wedding without our children without complaint and sort and pay for any childcare arrangements that are required.

Tnib · 26/07/2025 20:01

I would be disappointed too. It is her wedding but I would feel the same as you. A family member has done this too and I want to be there but it’s an inconvenience. DP explained it’s also a cheaper option, which I had never considered.

I hope you all find a way forward so you all have a wonderful day.

DinosandRegrets678 · 26/07/2025 20:13

Relocater123 · 26/07/2025 19:53

Sorry OP but I’m a bride next year and my sister has the only young children in our family who are 3. We are having a no kids wedding and as much as I adore my nieces I’d rather they aren’t there because we all know they won’t get it, nor enjoy it. It’s the one day me and my partner are completely financing, and my parents as soon as they are around only concentrate on them. Everything becomes about them and their needs (which 99.9% of the time I agree with and am onboard with) but for one day the .1% I don’t want the rest of my family to be on alert and having to help with toddlers nor wondering if I’m going to have sticky hands down me. (Which normally is completely fine, I look after them every other weekend happily and enjoy the chaos) I want my family celebrating with us and present in our creating the family union. We have it that they are coming but we have arranged a nanny for in the hotel for the day. Others who have breastfeeding children have asked to book extra rooms and have sorted childcare/ other grandparents to travel with them so they can nip back to do feed etc. they have made work arounds rather than not attend. Is there a reason you can’t think of anything else other than not attend? Would your sister have not attended if she were in your shoes?

@Relocater123 that's very different to expecting your sister to leave a 6 month old baby at home for 3 days.

Relocater123 · 26/07/2025 20:52

Why is she having to leave them at home? If she’s staying 2 hours away why can’t she do like our other guests and keep them near by with someone they trust? We are also doing 3 days but optional for anyone to attend as many days as they like

Lyraloo · 26/07/2025 20:58

For goodness sake, all you self entitled people saying, if my children aren’t welcome, I’m not coming! Grow up! It’s your sisters wedding, a really special day in her life. You have every weekend with your children, it’s not going to hurt you or them for you to be away for a couple of days, or if you’re really that worried, at least go for the day and see her married and do the reception.
Its their choice to not want children, and the way so many parents behave with their children being the be all and end all of everything, it’s no wonder they want a child free day. I’d never forgive my sister for missing my wedding because she couldn’t leave her children for a few hours!

BruFord · 26/07/2025 21:00

Relocater123 · 26/07/2025 20:52

Why is she having to leave them at home? If she’s staying 2 hours away why can’t she do like our other guests and keep them near by with someone they trust? We are also doing 3 days but optional for anyone to attend as many days as they like

@Relocater123 Aside from her DH, with whom could she leave a six-month-old baby for three days? They can’t stay in the hotel as it’s a childfree venue.

@Lyraloo How will the baby be fed? I agree that it’s different with an older child. I was a MOH when DD was a toddler.

RampantIvy · 26/07/2025 21:02

Relocater123 · 26/07/2025 20:52

Why is she having to leave them at home? If she’s staying 2 hours away why can’t she do like our other guests and keep them near by with someone they trust? We are also doing 3 days but optional for anyone to attend as many days as they like

Because all the people they trust will be at the wedding, and the hotel isn't child friendly.

namechangetheworld · 26/07/2025 21:16

I wouldn't be going. I wouldn't leave a 6 month old and toddler with someone I barely know, even for a few hours. It would have been grandparents and DH only at that age, and obviously they will all be at the wedding.

I know it's her day and her rules but I think it's twattish behaviour not to invite your own sister's young children and force her to make an difficult choice. Clearly desperately insecure that a baby might draw attention away from her for a single moment of her 'special day'.

pineapplesundae · 26/07/2025 21:46

Just go for the wedding day and skip the rest.

Hopingtobeaparent · 26/07/2025 22:07

Lafufufu · 21/07/2025 14:27

Erm... I am very much a love em and leave em mummy and i was off out getting drunk on days out when baby was 3-4m but even i think this is fucking nonsense

THREE days? The cost of childcare alone will be eye-watering and that's assuming you can even find someone the children will settle with especially the toddler.

I'd ask her to reconsider...

if she wont...

Go to the wedding on the day.
leave your husband at home with kids.
dont drink and drive home in the evening.
If she doesnt like it - tough.

It's her day and her choice.
And she can make all the shitty thoughtless selfish choices she wants but she cant make you facilitate those choices and go for 3 ddaysat the expense of your children and if her and your mum want to fall out with you over it.. let them.

Edited

This.

Although, maybe stay near by it, save the travel, and make a weekend of it for yourself?

Would it be worse though, seeing a bit of it and then having to leave?

Are you close with your sister?

Sorry, OP.

ny20005 · 26/07/2025 22:16

I didn’t go to my siblings wedding for the same reason. They got married abroad & I was expected to go for a week & leave my 7 month old baby home with my in laws

Hopingtobeaparent · 26/07/2025 22:19

Hopingtobeaparent · 26/07/2025 22:07

This.

Although, maybe stay near by it, save the travel, and make a weekend of it for yourself?

Would it be worse though, seeing a bit of it and then having to leave?

Are you close with your sister?

Sorry, OP.

Edited

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Apologies, I clearly responded before having read all OP’s posts, and can’t now edit again.

You’re her MOH?! And she’s made it logistically nearly impossible for you to attend? 🤯

Was this before you fell pregnant with number 2, OP?

Still, goodness!! 😬 Is this being controlled by the groom? Why so totally inconsiderate to her own sister and MOH?!

BernardButlersBra · 26/07/2025 22:32

Crazders5 · 26/07/2025 18:51

You clearly don't understand what it is to have a 6 month old baby. 6 month old babies don't spend 2 days a way from their parents. My daughter is 10 months and has only spent 4 hours away from me and that's with her grandma!
Very selfish society we live in with attitudes like this, babies and children aren't pets that can just be looked after by anyone. If I left my daughter at 6 months old to be looked after another person for 3 days she would spend half of it hysterical and crying. Also, how about if the mother is breastfeeding?
Parents also can set their own rules which is, if my children aren't invited then I won't be able attending thank you.

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Very much do. I have 2 children of my own. But you can’t take EVERYONES circumstances into your wedding decisions. Like l said they are paying for it and organising it. Plus it’s THEIR wedding
Fine don’t attend 🙄. It’s hardly a power move, when you have children then you can’t always do everything you want and it’s just one of those things. It’s best accepting that sooner rather than later

Sowhat12345 · 26/07/2025 22:42

So...it's her wedding. Who cares...

Jbo17 · 26/07/2025 23:11

Sdpbody · 21/07/2025 14:23

I would be asking my sister to seriously reconsider.

My brother (his terrible wife) didn’t want my girls at his wedding so my parents said “Ok, if you don’t want your nieces there, you can pay for it all, but don’t expect any money for the wedding from us. If you’d like family money for the wedding, then you have to invite family. “. They changed their minds quite quickly.

My goodness the entitlement here is terrible! Sounds like a toddler having a tantrum 🙈 Blackmailing people into changing their dream wedding to suit others. Awful! I’d have told whomever was paying that I’d pay for it myself. What a terrible way to behave.

Jbo17 · 26/07/2025 23:15

TravelPanic · 21/07/2025 15:20

Hi Dsis, I’ve been so looking forward to being your MOH and supporting you on your special day, but when I took on the role, I didn’t realise that my kids wouldn’t be able to attend. I’m afraid I can’t leave my 6 month old for longer than [number of hours you are comfortable], so I’ll only be able to attend the ceremony and photos. [(If true) DH’s parents/siblings aren’t able to have 2.5 year old unfortunately, so DH will have to stay home to look after him].

Given I can’t be there the night before or for the reception, I’m thinking it might be best if I step down now as MOH to give you time to choose someone else who can be there to support you for the whole 3 days? Will be really sorry to miss so much of it - just unfortunate timing with the age of the kids. Let me know what you’d like to do.

Very polite, caring & considerate response ❤️ No need for the toddler foot stamping advice some others have given.

Jbo17 · 26/07/2025 23:17

Toptotoe · 21/07/2025 15:21

Neither of you are unreasonable. She and groom want no kids. You don’t want to be away from your.
Just go to the ceremony and meal - 2 hours driving there and 2 hours back is not too bad .

Yes, agree with this. No need for some of the nasty responses on here.

Jbo17 · 26/07/2025 23:19

Littleredraincoat · 21/07/2025 15:29

A 2 and a half year old is going to be disruption and change the vibe of an adult only event. I wouldn't want a toddler there either, it's possibly the worst possible age when it comes to getting overwhelmed, and overtired.

Everyone is focusing on not wanting to leave a newborn, completely ignoring the elephant in the room of a toddler at a wedding. This is what the sister wants to avoid- but there is no way she can suggest that they just leave one child at home

Yes toddler age defo the worst for weddings.

mrbulky · 26/07/2025 23:27

Why can't you go to the wedding alone and leave your husband behind to look after the children? You are a blood relative - he is only an in-law. There is no need for you both to miss the wedding. I have been to enough weddings to know that small children can be very disruptove and spoil the occasion. Children of that age grow bored and distracted easily and it might not be much fun for them in any case.

autienotnaughty · 26/07/2025 23:42

That’s poor. I would either -
Stsy nearby and bring someone to babysit during the day (or dh, babysitter and kids stay nearby and you stay with sister )

or you go for the full event and your dh just do ceremony and meal then drive home to relieve babysitter.

or your dh doesn’t attend and you go alone .

Tandora · 26/07/2025 23:47

There no chance I’d be leaving a 6 month old for 3 days. And the toddler only if you have someone they know very well who can step in.

99bottlesofkombucha · 26/07/2025 23:50

autienotnaughty · 26/07/2025 23:42

That’s poor. I would either -
Stsy nearby and bring someone to babysit during the day (or dh, babysitter and kids stay nearby and you stay with sister )

or you go for the full event and your dh just do ceremony and meal then drive home to relieve babysitter.

or your dh doesn’t attend and you go alone .

I couldn’t leave my 6mo for more than a few hours. He didn’t take bottles and wasn’t really eating any food, so I’d need to be back in 3 hours to feed him. The ops sister is really being a dick.

99bottlesofkombucha · 26/07/2025 23:52

BernardButlersBra · 26/07/2025 22:32

Very much do. I have 2 children of my own. But you can’t take EVERYONES circumstances into your wedding decisions. Like l said they are paying for it and organising it. Plus it’s THEIR wedding
Fine don’t attend 🙄. It’s hardly a power move, when you have children then you can’t always do everything you want and it’s just one of those things. It’s best accepting that sooner rather than later

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Not everyone no. But your sister who you want to be maid of honour?? You most certainly can, instead she’s making it near impossible for her to even go to the wedding.

BernardButlersBra · 27/07/2025 00:08

@99bottlesofkombucha fine, she’s not Maid of Honour then. Like l said you can’t just tweak and bespoke your wedding to everyone who is attending e.g. when l got married my husbands cousin didn’t like the location of the venue -too far into London apparently so didn’t attend. Husband and l chuckled, moved on and gave it no thought

I felt like this before children, people said l would change my mind after children. Still haven’t and probably won’t. Peoples children are the centre of their world fine but l don’t expect them to do that with mine. No need to give it so much head space

IcyAzureShark · 27/07/2025 00:12

Even if your MOH, you have a six months old, and I can imagine you would not want them to be with a sitter for 3 days. So this is what I would do.
I would go to the ceremony, dinner and maybe part of the reception and drive home. Even if your husband would stay home with the kids, more then 1 day would be a lot to be away from them.
My SIL had a 4 months old when we got married, and still pumped/breastfeed.
and she chose this option. We had a child free wedding.
we made sure she had a room to pump and were really glad she and her husband chose to attend, even when they said she would leave around 10 in the evening so she’d be home around midnight for the child.
if your sister loves you she would accept something like this.

Skybluepinky · 27/07/2025 01:44

Lots of weddings don’t allow children it’s not a new thing.
No idea why you are so upset, either get childcare or don’t go.