Page 25 | Sister's wedding and no children invited

Calliopespa · 22/07/2025 16:14

HopscotchBanana · 22/07/2025 16:03

I can't see that from OPs posts? It's her assumption they expect her there for 3 days. And if anything it's OP that wants to go for 3 days and is expecting her children to attend so she can do that.

Is OP exclusively breastfeeding or could the children be left with DHs parents for example?

If ebf It's a very simple conversation that needs to be had.

"Dsis I'd love to come for the full 3 days, but as you can imagine I can't get childcare for that long with baby needing his feeds. This leaves two options, bring kids and I can come for the full 3 days, or I can leave them for the day so I'm there for the wedding day, what suits you best?"

If not ebf and grandparents are available and willing, then OP can attend. If she doesn't want to do so, that's fine, but she needs to own that as her choice.

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Its actually not that clear what op is suggesting. She has said the venue won't have children overnight, so I was assuming she felt taking them for the three days wasn't an option anyway.

I think wanting them there for the photos is a bit unreasonable: its the bride's day for photos, I can grant her that! 😄

godmum56 · 22/07/2025 16:20

her decision but your choice. It would be a hard pass from me.

Smurfette63 · 22/07/2025 16:23

BigSister1991 · 21/07/2025 14:15

My younger sister is getting married next year and no children (including family children) are invited to any of the wedding celebrations. We will have two children by then (aged 2.5 and 6 months). They are the only children in the family.

The wedding is 2 hours drive from our home and over 3 days - starting on Friday and ending on Sunday.

Our blood family only consists of my Mum and Sister and so I'm disappointed that my Sister would not want her nephew/niece there or want to include them in the day (and that there won't be any photos of them there). I work full time and weekends with my children are important to me and so I'm sad to have to spend 2 days away from them.

The expectation from my Mum and Sister is that me and my husband attend the wedding without our children without complaint and sort and pay for any childcare arrangements that are required.

I know this is a rather delicate situation that could turn out like a family rift if not handled carefully. I understand both sides but if it were me I would say that, as much as I am pleased for her and wish her a long and happy marriage I can't possibly leave my children with anyone, being as young as the are. I hope you have a wonderful 3 days.
If she takes offense then it won't be anything you have said or done it will be a decision made because of her wishes.

Coconutter24 · 22/07/2025 16:26

SilverHammer · 21/07/2025 16:44

Difficult to leave a 6 month old alone if you are breastfeeding.

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Then you don’t attend the wedding

Mummyto7lovelife · 22/07/2025 16:31

A friend of mine was getting married and refused children I simply couldn't go no childcare I never have childcare or support she knew this and that was that I didn't go.

CharlieTooth · 22/07/2025 16:45

UsernameMcUsername · 22/07/2025 14:58

I'm curious if the people who bar children from weddings would also bar friends/ family with intellectual disabilities, because the latter can have as much (potentially more) potential to be 'disruptive'. A wedding I attended had an adult guest (brother of groom) with learning disabilities who was noisier than any of the kids present, but to the groom's credit he was there.

I still think very fondly of a wedding I went to as a plus one (unmarried), the groom's brother had severe learning disabilities but a special interest in my professional job. I happily talked about bus timetables and we both looked all radiant in the photos. Sometimes it just works out.
I did later get married and it's lovely seeing in the photos, people on deaths door and one particular child who sadly was never going to make old bones.

ChompandaGrazia · 22/07/2025 16:57

Calliopespa · 22/07/2025 15:22

Also, its not actually just babysitting that guests need to organise. Its pets that need feeding, gardens that need watering ... I don't know when brides started to get so needy.

According to some on this thread though it’s selfish to not go to be prepared to give up three days for something that most people manage in a day.

Mumisconfused · 22/07/2025 17:04

BigSister1991 · 21/07/2025 14:15

My younger sister is getting married next year and no children (including family children) are invited to any of the wedding celebrations. We will have two children by then (aged 2.5 and 6 months). They are the only children in the family.

The wedding is 2 hours drive from our home and over 3 days - starting on Friday and ending on Sunday.

Our blood family only consists of my Mum and Sister and so I'm disappointed that my Sister would not want her nephew/niece there or want to include them in the day (and that there won't be any photos of them there). I work full time and weekends with my children are important to me and so I'm sad to have to spend 2 days away from them.

The expectation from my Mum and Sister is that me and my husband attend the wedding without our children without complaint and sort and pay for any childcare arrangements that are required.

I find this very rude! And if I ever get such an invitation like that, I won't be attending.

I'm not leaving my young children being looked after by other people like that. Particularly if I have to find and finance a stranger to look after them.

A marriage is about forming a family and weddings that exclude children, just show those people aren't ready to be a family.

I recently attended a family wedding and there was lots of children in there. Some from family, some from friends and it was beautiful!

ExhaustedElephant · 22/07/2025 17:08

needtostopnamechanging · 22/07/2025 11:23

I must admit there seem to be a little children are a different species vibe on some posts

I think some posters were never children ;-)

RampantIvy · 22/07/2025 17:09

randomlemonsheep · 22/07/2025 16:07

they are not "banned" for a start, they are just not invited!

Why should they be invited in the first place? Why are parents so entitled they think the world should revolve around their kids?

Why are brides so entitled that they throw a strop because a breastfeeding mother can't attend a child free wedding?

It cuts both ways.

Mumisconfused · 22/07/2025 17:10

Calliopespa · 22/07/2025 16:14

Its actually not that clear what op is suggesting. She has said the venue won't have children overnight, so I was assuming she felt taking them for the three days wasn't an option anyway.

I think wanting them there for the photos is a bit unreasonable: its the bride's day for photos, I can grant her that! 😄

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I don't know about you, but all the weeding I've been to there was a photographer to capture beautiful moments of the day, including all guests. If a wedding is just for the bride/groom, bridesmaids/groomsman, don't invite other people and make them spend their hard earned money.
Just my view!

ExhaustedElephant · 22/07/2025 17:14

thelakeisle · 22/07/2025 11:55

And the best part about child free weddings - as well as the fact that it's always been the norm for people to have this choice - is that anybody who bitches and complains is waving a huge red flag of total entitlement and you now know they think they're more important than everybody else and should be kowtowed to. Good enough reason to avoid them really :)

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You sound quite resentful and angry. I imagine there are personal reasons behind that.

ExhaustedElephant · 22/07/2025 17:15

ChompandaGrazia · 22/07/2025 14:31

Child free wedding is one thing. Expecting the parents of a young child and a 6 month old to leave them for three days is quite another.

Edited

Exactly. It would be much more weird for parents not to have reservations about this.

CaptainMyCaptain · 22/07/2025 17:20

ExhaustedElephant · 22/07/2025 17:15

Exactly. It would be much more weird for parents not to have reservations about this.

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I admit to being a bit shocked at how many people seem to be willing to dump their babies for 3 days for a wedding.

Mumisconfused · 22/07/2025 17:20

IKeepMyToasterInTheCupboard · 21/07/2025 14:24

She's your sister. You go up on Friday. DH follows with the kids on Saturday morning. You either bring a trusted sitter from home to look after them during the reception, or use Sitters or whoever the hotel recommends. You and DH pop up after the speeches to settle them to bed and give the sitter a break and then you could either tag team for the evening or DH stays in the room. You all leave Sunday morning.

She's clearly not that connected to the family to cut her own niece and nephew from the invitation and expected her sister to leave her children!

Being her sister isn't more important than being a mother!

randomlemonsheep · 22/07/2025 17:24

Calliopespa · 22/07/2025 15:22

Also, its not actually just babysitting that guests need to organise. Its pets that need feeding, gardens that need watering ... I don't know when brides started to get so needy.

It's not needy, more than people no longer spend their life in the same village.
With people coming from all over the country, sometimes internationally, of course some guests will have to travel. It's literally impossible for most couples to host a wedding where everybody, even their closest family, is local.

vickylou78 · 22/07/2025 17:30

Just go for one day (ceremony and wedding reception) and say you can't go to the other parts.

LeticiaMorales · 22/07/2025 17:31

randomlemonsheep · 22/07/2025 17:24

It's not needy, more than people no longer spend their life in the same village.
With people coming from all over the country, sometimes internationally, of course some guests will have to travel. It's literally impossible for most couples to host a wedding where everybody, even their closest family, is local.

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It doesn't have to last 3 or 4 days, though.

vickylou78 · 22/07/2025 17:33

I'd cancel the accommodation and just travel on the day for the ceremony and reception only. Get childcare for just the day.

ChompandaGrazia · 22/07/2025 17:37

randomlemonsheep · 22/07/2025 17:24

It's not needy, more than people no longer spend their life in the same village.
With people coming from all over the country, sometimes internationally, of course some guests will have to travel. It's literally impossible for most couples to host a wedding where everybody, even their closest family, is local.

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Well no, but 3 days is not necessary.

Mumisconfused · 22/07/2025 17:38

OutandAboutMum1821 · 22/07/2025 10:44

One thing is for sure…if your sister becomes a mother herself, I hope she remembers how she treated you, and is as quick to bow to all the demands of people who may invite her to weddings in the future. I wonder if she would be as quick to leave her own babies/toddlers for that amount of time 🤔 She may in time realise how unreasonable this is.

I bet her sister will not bow.
My SIL got furious with us because we said we'd only attend ceremony with a 2week baby and a 1.5 years old baby...i could barely stand by I went. We refused to go to the reception very sensibly. She stopped talking to us and still to this date, 5 years on, never said sorry. Now that she's expecting, she already said she won't leave the house for a good while or have any visits. I honestly, I'm trying to stay calm and not rub things on her face.
She was a pure bridezilla

LeticiaMorales · 22/07/2025 17:45

Mumisconfused · 22/07/2025 17:38

I bet her sister will not bow.
My SIL got furious with us because we said we'd only attend ceremony with a 2week baby and a 1.5 years old baby...i could barely stand by I went. We refused to go to the reception very sensibly. She stopped talking to us and still to this date, 5 years on, never said sorry. Now that she's expecting, she already said she won't leave the house for a good while or have any visits. I honestly, I'm trying to stay calm and not rub things on her face.
She was a pure bridezilla

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Oh my god, that's awful! I have no idea how you even managed that, 2 weeks post partum. What a completely selfish attitude.

UpDo · 22/07/2025 17:46

CaptainMyCaptain · 22/07/2025 17:20

I admit to being a bit shocked at how many people seem to be willing to dump their babies for 3 days for a wedding.

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I'd perhaps be shocked if more of them were speaking from experience of having actually done it. But in general, people often find it very easy to claim they'd gladly do something that's not actually being asked of them.

Monokrom · 22/07/2025 17:50

OutandAboutMum1821 · 22/07/2025 10:44

One thing is for sure…if your sister becomes a mother herself, I hope she remembers how she treated you, and is as quick to bow to all the demands of people who may invite her to weddings in the future. I wonder if she would be as quick to leave her own babies/toddlers for that amount of time 🤔 She may in time realise how unreasonable this is.

I wonder if, just maybe, her sister might have kids and STILL not think having kids makes her special or that it's some kind of status where everyone needs to accommodate her.

Wouldn't that be something?

The sister is not being unreasonable. If OP chooses not to go then that's fine, she shouldn't go, and she should stand by her reasons. She's making it into a drama it doesn't need to be - OP upset because her sister won't change her mind. It happens.

OutandAboutMum1821 · 22/07/2025 17:52

Monokrom · 22/07/2025 17:50

I wonder if, just maybe, her sister might have kids and STILL not think having kids makes her special or that it's some kind of status where everyone needs to accommodate her.

Wouldn't that be something?

The sister is not being unreasonable. If OP chooses not to go then that's fine, she shouldn't go, and she should stand by her reasons. She's making it into a drama it doesn't need to be - OP upset because her sister won't change her mind. It happens.

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It’s not about having special treatment, just about treating your own siblings and their children with basic consideration. I am beyond relieved I don’t have siblings who would treat me like this, nor I them. Nor my DH and his. Not the done thing at all how we’ve been brought up.