Sister's wedding and no children invited

[BigSister1991]

My younger sister is getting married next year and no children (including family children) are invited to any of the wedding celebrations. We will have two children by then (aged 2.5 and 6 months). They are the only children in the family.

The wedding is 2 hours drive from our home and over 3 days - starting on Friday and ending on Sunday.

Our blood family only consists of my Mum and Sister and so I'm disappointed that my Sister would not want her nephew/niece there or want to include them in the day (and that there won't be any photos of them there). I work full time and weekends with my children are important to me and so I'm sad to have to spend 2 days away from them.

The expectation from my Mum and Sister is that me and my husband attend the wedding without our children without complaint and sort and pay for any childcare arrangements that are required.

No, but it is unreasonable to expect other people to alter their wedding day to cater to what you want.

I would have thought wanting to be with your baby was the default position but clearly many people are happy to ditch theirs.

is that what's going on though? I cant quite pinpoint what op is suggesting.

Don’t think the OP is coming back.

This!!!

Honestly I'd explain that due to the number of days away - it's not practical for you to attend/ be in the bridal party if it is a child-free wedding and venue. Wish her well, and say it would have been lovely to go but you can't.

It seems she has not considered you at all in her planning. Which means that she has effectively excluded you. If she really wanted you there, she would have thought of a venue where there was at least the option for on site baby-sitting.

Thats the recommended age to breast feed to. I didnt ask anyone to cater for me. Thanks!

A 3 day child free wedding is ridiculous. Hell a 3 day wedding even is ridiculous.

You can want to be with your baby all you want, just don't expect anyone else to make it their priority. No one else's world revolves around your child.

Not many people have suggested 'ditching' anyone btw, that dramatic emphasis is yours. Most reasonable suggestions involve a compromise on OP's part. Might not be the perfect scenario she wants, but it's there.

Not sure why you're thanking me but you're welcome!

If all your childcare is family and likely to be attending the wedding, it’s not like you can just leave your children home by themselves. 🤷🏻‍♀️

It’s frankly a bit shit of them, but I would still attend and leave Dh home with the kids. Unless you are bf youngest, then I would only attend for the night and stay all together locally, not at the accommodation.

We’ve had to attend many childfree weddings separately. Even better are the childfree destination weddings. Who can just abandon their children at home alone for a week in Greece just because someone wants it very Instagramable?!

Id just go on my own for the ceremony and meal, then drive home. Leave husband at home with the kids. You've ticked the box but not left your kids for a whole weekend.

It's also unreasonable for the bride to expect the mother of a 6 month old baby to leave her baby for 3 days and to throw a strop if she can't get childcare.

I think the op doesn't mean it so literally. I think she is sad her children are excluded from a family life event. Just that. It's a lost moment for the memories book, I think.

I think you have a right to feel the way you do, as sisters and MOH the Bride should really consider about wedding party situations and maybe discuss what arrangements could be made if children are not allow.

Its her wedding at the end of the day, but I think shell prob regret the decision, ive been to weddings where on the Bride or 1 or 2 guest were allowed to bring children.

That being said you will regret it if you do not attend. If you do not have anyone to have the children over the weekend maybe you can find a nearby venue that allows kids and a friend can look after them during events.

Or They can stay with your partner (if applicible) at home and your partner just drives down on the wedding day so you only need a sitter that day and then your partner drives back.

@Monokrom In this particular situation, what’s your advice to her OP and her DH on how to ensure that she attends the wedding as MOH?

I’m not being snarky, I genuinely want to know what the solution is with an bf baby. Note that the venue won't allow children to stay overnight so her DH can’t look after the baby in the hotel while she’s at the wedding/reception, etc. He may not even be able to bring the baby into the hotel.

@Girlgirlboygirl It’s feeding the baby that’s the issue. My guess is that she’ll have to meet her husband in the car park to bf every few hours as they can’t stay in the hotel!

I wouldn’t want to leave a 6 month old over night.

You sister can have a child free wedding but she needs to accept that that also comes with consequences.

Personally I’d say both of you go to the ceremony and meal after. Don’t stay for the evening and come home.

I you feel comfortable leaving your children overnight, your husband stays home and you stay the wedding night and come home after breakfast.

Personally I would want my family at my wedding children or not, so yes she can choose who comes but I would feel hurt too on your shoes.
also who on earth would look after your 6 month old and toddler if both your husband and mom are at the wedding? I can only think mother in law as personally I wouldn’t be leaving my children with anyone else. As others have said it is perfectly reasonable for you to attend just the ceremony.

I agree with the book a hotel nearby to attend one day only for the ceremony. My parrot wasn't invited to my sons miles away so I could only stay one night. They had no children policy 2. I can't say I blame them as having children for one means allowing all to bring them. All the extra catering for children with specific dietary needs would be a nightmare too. Children don't understand it's not their day & expect to be centre of attention in many cases. I would get the hotel. Set up nanny cam and hire a babysitter for one night and share care intermittently the rest of the time. Good luck!

You clearly don't understand what it is to have a 6 month old baby. 6 month old babies don't spend 2 days a way from their parents. My daughter is 10 months and has only spent 4 hours away from me and that's with her grandma!
Very selfish society we live in with attitudes like this, babies and children aren't pets that can just be looked after by anyone. If I left my daughter at 6 months old to be looked after another person for 3 days she would spend half of it hysterical and crying. Also, how about if the mother is breastfeeding?
Parents also can set their own rules which is, if my children aren't invited then I won't be able attending thank you.

I'm shocked your mother would think these arrangements are acceptable. Your sister has no children, so maybe clueless. You could well still be feeding a 6 month old baby! Just tell her that you will not be leaving your children for 3 days and she should choose another MOH. One without children.

It would be a no thank you from me. There's no way I'd go even if she relented.

I’d go to the church part but then leave. People are allowed not to have children at weddings but it doesn’t mean you have to go. I wouldn’t leave my six year old for three days for anyone’s wedding.

Sorry OP but I’m a bride next year and my sister has the only young children in our family who are 3. We are having a no kids wedding and as much as I adore my nieces I’d rather they aren’t there because we all know they won’t get it, nor enjoy it. It’s the one day me and my partner are completely financing, and my parents as soon as they are around only concentrate on them. Everything becomes about them and their needs (which 99.9% of the time I agree with and am onboard with) but for one day the .1% I don’t want the rest of my family to be on alert and having to help with toddlers nor wondering if I’m going to have sticky hands down me. (Which normally is completely fine, I look after them every other weekend happily and enjoy the chaos) I want my family celebrating with us and present in our creating the family union. We have it that they are coming but we have arranged a nanny for in the hotel for the day. Others who have breastfeeding children have asked to book extra rooms and have sorted childcare/ other grandparents to travel with them so they can nip back to do feed etc. they have made work arounds rather than not attend. Is there a reason you can’t think of anything else other than not attend? Would your sister have not attended if she were in your shoes?

We have it that they are coming but we have arranged a nanny for in the hotel for the day.

That's very considerate of you. So many brides wouldn't do this, then throw a strop when parents of small children who can't get childcare can't attend the wedding. You have clearly thought it through.