Granddaughter taking over weekends

[ThePerkyBiscuit]

My son (29) has moved back in with me as he's split from gf. I have lived alone for the last few years and enjoy my peace. His ex has been working on a Saturday and so my granddaughter (9) is there every Saturday overnight till Sunday. They take over the living room and tv. I enjoyed the peace I had , time for hobbies that have now been put aside at the weekends, I feel like saying this is my house and I don't want it every weekend. I feel every other weekend is reasonable. I am not the parent, obviously if something happened I would step up but it's just people putting others out cos they want what they want.

you've not said how long you've agreed for (or expect) your son to be there - if there isn't any agreement, you clearly need to discuss that with him.

Regardless of that, sounds like it's at least a few months away.
How big is his room - can it be more of a bed sitting room/studio, so that he can spend more time there with his daughter?
He does need to take her out more, but I can see that's difficult in the evenings.

Only downside is that might make him feel its a more permanent solution than you would like.

Yes! He doesn’t have his own place. If he lived in a one bed flat or shared place he wouldn’t have her sleep over ..

Did you stay with her EVERY weekend?

Why on earth wouldn’t he be able to have her sleep over if he had a one bed flat?

You seem to think it is solely a mother’s job to house and care for a child. Wild.

Why not? What do you think parents do who are in temporary accommodation bedsits?

It’s not on for this to have become the norm without your express agreement but that said he does need to step up and parent when needed

I would be suggesting he takes her out of the house for a decent chunk of the weekend, not hard in summer.

but ultimately he needs to be saving for his own place where he can have her without infringing on you.

Why is DD sleeping in her own bed such a bad thing? Please do share…. I mean hee dad doesn’t have his own place…. When he does it’s fair to expect him to take 50/50 but not when he’s staying with someone else

What absolute nonsense, do you actually believe what you wrote?!!

Well I wouldn’t want my daughter sleeping on a sofa. I’d be happy with my daughter coming home at night.

You don’t believe that there are 9 hours awake and not in work for an adult working a typical full time job?
Do you believe the sky is blue?

Why is it only on the mother and not the father to provide the home?

Sofa beds/air beds/dad on sofa and child in proper bed… all of these options exist.

Anyway @ThePerkyBiscuit it’s your house. You tell your son your boundaries and he needs to arrange his time with his DD accordingly.

No I don’t … 😂 but you carry in making your small minded judgements of a stranger who you know f all about 💪🏽

Why is DD sleeping in her own bed such a bad thing? Please do share…. I mean hee dad doesn’t have his own place…. When he does it’s fair to expect him to take 50/50 but not when he’s staying with someone else

If it was only for a couple of weeks then no problem.
However this doesn't look like its going to be a quick solution to resolve so virtually all the care of the child is on to mum, who at the moment is only getting one night's respite, despite the child having two involved parents. Dad just comes and takes his child for two days out and is all marvellous while mum is left to do the all the caring, bed time routines and never having a night to herself.

so is it fair for me to say that you think a grandmother should give up her lifestyle for her adult DS & GC? Just because she’s female and chose to become a mother decades ago….. that’s pretty wild too IF that’s what you’re suggesting.
and as I’ve clearly said dad should have 50/50 responsibility but not while in someone else’s house that isn’t happy with that arrangement!
No one seems to be listening to what OP wants!!!! This isn’t about a dad doing his fair share… this is about a grandmother wanting her space to be hers!

I’m not the judgemental one, you’re the one claiming it’s totally optional for a father to provide overnight care for his child.

It isn’t…. But since the dad currently doesn’t have a home……. Presumably he moved out of the family home… if things were equal in parenting maybe she should’ve moved out and left dad with DD….. (oh but you’ll gasp at that idea!)

But not at his mothers’ house.

You don’t believe that there are 9 hours awake and not in work for an adult working a typical full time job?

Of course there's are 9 hours awake! But by the time other things have been taken care of after work and before bed there isn't necessarily "loads of hours' to do things ,as you suggested in an other post, for many people.

It’s not optional but you’re missing the E point here!!
this isn’t about what childcare a man and woman should provide…. This is about a grandmother not wanting said child to sleep over every weekend…. The solution of which is for him to drop her home every other Saturday night until he has his own place and can have her 50/50

My day when I lived alone with no children (I've changed jobs since, thankfully).

get up at 4.15 am
Leave the house at 4.50 am
Start work at 6 am
Leave work at 4pm
Get home anytime between 5-5.30 pm (depending on traffic/roadworks/weather)
Prepare, cook and eat my evening meal
wash up and sort out lunch/clothes for the following day
Shower and change
Go through any household admin
Finally start winding down at around 7.30pm
Bed at 8.30 pm because, y'know 4.15am alarm

So yeah "plenty of time for self care and hobbies"

Just because you have loads of free time it doesn't mean it's the same for the rest of the world.

I assume because it’s too late. Why are you asking me? I’m not this woman.

Nothing wrong with this, can you ask him if they can work at a new arrangement. Maybe watching the daughter at her home every other weekend?

Nothing wrong with wanting a weekend to yourself after working all week.