Granddaughter taking over weekends

[ThePerkyBiscuit]

My son (29) has moved back in with me as he's split from gf. I have lived alone for the last few years and enjoy my peace. His ex has been working on a Saturday and so my granddaughter (9) is there every Saturday overnight till Sunday. They take over the living room and tv. I enjoyed the peace I had , time for hobbies that have now been put aside at the weekends, I feel like saying this is my house and I don't want it every weekend. I feel every other weekend is reasonable. I am not the parent, obviously if something happened I would step up but it's just people putting others out cos they want what they want.

I hear where you are coming from OP but I think that you need to think of this as a temporary measure
Its only temporary if the OP knows there is an undated.
It seems to be an open arrangement.

My sister is struggling with her son and wife and child moving back with her while their house is being renovated but it is easier knowing they will be moving out by the 3rd week of August. It would be so much harder when you don't know when something is going to end.

Isn’t it nice to have the company of your son and granddaughter though rather than being alone? How sad that you would rather they weren’t around.😐

Are you actually serious?
The op has a happy independent life and doesn't seem at all sad about her own company.
There is a massive difference between meeting up for social occasions with your son and grand child, which is wonderful than have them living there every single weekend until who knows when.

Correct me if I’m wrong but despite being asked this several times, the OP hasn’t confirmed if she’s working or not.

@MyJollySloth

this might blow your mind a bit, but did you know some women actually like living alone?? They really do.

It's tricky, I can understand you want to help your son through a difficult time but obviously this should be short term and you don't want him to depend on you.

Really you should be supporting him whilst he is doing everything he can to get himself independent again. Does he have plans to move out? Have you spoken to him about any of this?

I think you can have a conversation and explain that you want to support him but you are finding it difficult that every weekend is spent with the granddaughter, it is leaving you little time for hobbies etc. presuming you work full time and your weekends are your only time off? Or at least, you have friends/family who's weekends are their only time off to do things with?

He can easily take her out for a day and give you some peace and I think it's reasonable to ask this of him.

If he’s living with you, and his contact time with his daughter is every weekend, then by telling him he can’t have her at your house every weekend you will be prejudicing his long term access to his daughter (your grand-daughter) because the default will have to be that she stays with her mother every other weekend and that will then become the status quo.

I can’t imagine not wanting to see my own grandchild once a week for a weekend with only one of the weekend nights involved, but if you don’t want to do that then rather than telling him he can’t have her at yours every weekend, I would put a plan in place to help him get his own place where he can have her. Depending on your finances, you might be able to help with a rent deposit or something like that.

The way you framed your OP doesn’t make you sound very sympathetic to your son’s situation.

If this stuff is taking you 9 hours a day, day in day out there’s something wrong with how you’re structuring your day.
There is plenty of time for self care and hobbies after work when you aren’t caring for any young children. It’s complete rubbish to claim that’s not the case.

Patronising, much?!

If this stuff is taking you 9 hours a day, day in day out there’s something wrong with how you’re structuring your day.
There is plenty of time for self care and hobbies after work when you aren’t caring for any young children. It’s complete rubbish to claim that’s not the case
@Hodgemollar.
You are only in a position to speak about your own circumstances.

You have no idea about people's lives, fitness, mental and physical health to know they have 'loads of hours' to enjoy.
You don't know how long their commute is if they are working and what else is going on.

As it happens I do have free time but my colleague who has no children at home and is the same age as me (60) does not have the same amount of downtime as me for valid reasons.

Broad sweeping statements aren't helpful to anyone.

So many posts on MN where a woman chucks her DH/DP out because he leaves all the housework/childcare to her then he goes home to his DM. Maybe Ops DS was one of them, so now his idea of parenting is slumping in front of the TV with his DC while his DM makes dinner and does everyones washing because he's still too lazy to make an effort.
Op, if your DS isn't pulling his weight you need to tell him he's still your child but not your little boy anymore, he needs to be an adult

this is one of those situations where both things can be true, you have every right to feel the way you do, but your son also has every right to feel comfortable in his parents home during a tough time AND so does your granddaughter. If you were to say something, it could be taken the wrong way and they would feel like they are not wanted. Tread lightly, try to remind yourself everything is temporary and your adult child is likely going through a tough time, don’t make it harder for them. This time will pass for you all, you want your family to think back and remember support, not feeling like a potential burden.

Your son should take his daughter out for the day so that you have peace and quiet.
Maybe you could all then have a meal together and play a game / watch TV for an hour and then bed.
Even if it means he takes his daughter upstairs for the evening etc.
He needs some rules .Does he take her out or she left running wild all day ?

not true
in other countries too!

which is why I mentioned it - only to make the point, you are free to make any decision you like, but then you accept the consequences

Why does he have her every weekend? This is quite an unusual arrangement.. usually it is every other and a couple of nights in the week.
If it’s too much for you, tell your son!… Set some boundaries … tell him weekends are also your ‘me time’… maybe he needs to buy a TV for the room he’s staying in and sit in there with his DD… or take her to cinema, or play board games in the dining room…
I don’t think saying saying she can only
come every other weekend is unreasonable… she can stay over 2 weekends a month and the other weekends
he takes her out during the day and then she sleeps at her mothers and if needed he takes her out again Sunday!
is there a reason she needs to sleep over at all? Could he drop her home at 6pm after tea?
what are his plans during the summer holidays? Have you discussed this? If not set boundaries now!!

you have a lot of opinion about being a parent when you just said you would never want to have children yourself?

You made a choice, totally fair one, but then go on yapping about consequences for others who made a different one.

I literally said it was the opposite of "being a martyr", but you are twisting things.
You can only "put yourself first" to a point when you have decided to have children, it's her own choice to have had children anyway.

It's the grand-child who is being resented and made felt like she is a nuisance, how lovely.

Because her mother has got a Saturday job. It’s in the OP.

Why does it matter what the OP does??
ITS HER HOUSE!!!!!

Yes so why can’t he have her Saturdays and return her home in the evening ?

Because he’s a father and parenting isn’t 95% the responsibility of the mother. That should be more than obvious.

Fucking hell 😅 imagine being this bitter 😩

Yes so why can’t he have her Saturdays and return her home in the evening ?
Are you actually being serious?

Because he’s her father, and as such should really be having her for 50% of the time?

So you have your grown adult son living with you 7 days a week, but think he should only have his young daughter every other weekend? Is parenting not a father's job? If your son was your daughter, would you expect her to only see her daughter every other weekend?
I don't blame you at all for wanting your space, but the reasonable solution is that he gets his own place, not parent his child less, because his child, at 9 years old, needs her parent more than your 29 year old adult son needs you.

My first question is why he has only only two days a week? Did the mum move away so he can't see her more?

However, you have a right to he annoyed. He should be looking for his own place. In the mean time he should be taking his daughter out so you can get alone time. In the meantime you have to accept it and push him to get his own place.

don't be so condescending!
I’ve never once said it’s the mums responsibility but it sure as hell isn’t the grandmothers!!!
until the dad has his OWN place he needs to consider the house he’s a lodger of… just because 30 years ago she decided to become a mother does not mean she HAS TO put him and his kid up…
mits her house and she doesn’t want the grandchild there every weekend…. That does not mean she doesn’t love her GC or that she’s a bad person, she just wants her time to be her time.
If the mother works Saturdays then he steps up and had his DD… he could also take her out Sundays BUT he does not need to have her sleepover every Saturday night as is currently the situation…. Every other is a fair compromise.
great if dads & mums can have 50/50 custody but he doesn’t have his own place!