Should we get SD one aswell?

[Aygbskxkdnd]

would appreciate some insight from people here, especially those who have blended families

in my family it is tradition that all the girls get a charm bracelet, the bracelet when they are born and then a charm every year until they are 18. It's really special and I treasure my bracelet.

the tradition is very much my family's doing e.g. when I was with my ex and had my DD he and his family were not involved with buying the bracelet or any charms. It was all done between myself, my mum, my grandma. My family would feel very upset if my DD's paternal family tried to be involved in this e.g if they bought her a charm.

my daughter (7) has a bracelet with charms and my brother and his wife are pregnant with a little girl, so me and my mum have bought a bracelet for her.

sorry for all the context but I feel like it's important!

so, I have been in a relationship for a few years now with a man who has 3 children, two teen boys and a now 10 year old girl who I will call SD for ease although we are not married

SD has become aware of the girls getting bracelets (mostly due to my niece being due soon) and has seen my daughter's bracelet. She is obviously a little jealous and feeling left out which I totally get and I don't want her to feel upset about this

I am serious with her dad and I see us being together forever. Should we look to get her a bracelet too so she is included? I'm not sure how my family would feel, I doubt they'd object but I also don't think they'd be involved - it would be down to me and my partner to sort it all out and buy the charms etc. my mum can be difficult and potentially could get offended by us doing this.

but also this is a thing that is exclusively my side of the family tradition and I wouldn't want to overstep or anything by brining SD in to it.

any thoughts would be welcome!

@Aygbskxkdnd your DM can try to gatekeep all she likes, but giving charm bracelets and the individual charms is a tradition that goes back thousands of years and has its roots in many ethnic and religious groups. And as pps have said, charm bracelets keep Pandora in business.

If your SD would like a bracelet, get her one and she can have the fun of collecting the charms. From your point of view, you'll have at least one thing ticked off her birthday/Christmas/other festival list for as long as she wants them.

Some groups believe that charms ward off the evil eye, various misfortunes etc. I wonder if that includes ill-natured relatives who can't resist telling other people how to live? 😁

You sound like an absolutely wonderful step mum, and I think your SD would really really love it. 🥰

The bracelets themselves are quite expensive, for my daughter and my niece approx £800. The charms vary depending on what the charm is but generally £100-300

i know everyone is saying my family doesn't have a monopoly on charm brackets (and I agree!) but they aren't just like the Pandora ones you see around everywhere.

my mum can be quite difficult. When my daughter's father suggested he buy DD a charm one year she was very upset by this as she believes strongly that only people on the maternal side should be involved in getting the bracelet / charms. It's difficult to explain but I think she would be unhappy about SD getting one as she's not linked by blood (not saying I agree with this because I absolutely don't, just saying how my mum thinks)

I think people are right, she's just a little girl who sees her step sister getting a bracelet and she wants one too, and why shouldn't she. I'll speak to my partner about sorting this out, she shouldn't feel excluded.

Your family don't have the monopoly on charm bracelets, if she'd like one just you/her dad get her one, doesn't have to be the same type.

You and your boyfriend can do this for her so that she doesn’t feel left out. You can start at her next birthday or Christmas - whichever is sooner.

Don’t overthink this.

Agree. It's all bloody over the top. A nice tradition yes but to be upset if someone else bought a charm? Madness.

I think your mum needs a head wobble. Are the bracelets and charms silver or gold?

I would get her one and add to both hers and dd's separately to your mum

I have 2 nieces and a step niece the same age as one of the biological nieces. No way could I let my step niece feel left out in this way, and I'd feel sad if other members of the family felt the same.

I would definitely get one for SD. If your family don't want to be involved that's on them and I suppose it's up to them but it's a lovely tradition and I'd want to include her. Anyone who wants to can gift charms as and when, on either side of your little family unit. Maybe mum or a grandmother (or other relatives) on SD's side will want to be part of it.

They do the charm bracelet for girls in their family, you do charms for the girls in your family - which includes your SD. It's a lovely way for her to feel that she is loved by you and she isn't excluded.

If anybody gets in a strop about it, they can nob right off. Charm bracelets and new charms each year or for other milestones have been a thing for thousands of years. They're not doing anything particularly special to them, it's something that countless women and girls have received worldwide pretty much forever.

Oh I’d definitely do that for her too, what a lovely way for her to feel involved and as an “equal”, as she should be! I always think it’s such a shame when stepchildren are excluded. Tbh I wouldn’t care less if my family didn’t approve, they don’t own the rights to charm bracelet distribution!

Respectfully, your DM behaviour isn’t normal.

Don’t involve your family.

Just make it a new tradition between you & your husband that you buy her a charm bracelet and new charms every Birthday & Christmas for as long as she wants to continue the tradition.

I'd get her one, but start it from this year, rather than her birth as you didn't know her then.

out of interest, what do the boys in your family get?

My thinking exactly. I had one and hated it but family still got me charms as they liked the idea, they're awful clanking things. They sound like cow bells without the charm (no pun intended) of a lovely big cow being attached.

Get her one, OP!!!

Goodness, I think I would be pretty uncomfortable with wearing a bracelet that had cost £2500 minimum! Don't you worry she won't like it as an adult? What if your daughter feels unable to say she doesn't want that as a birthday present? It's an enormous sum of money to spend on jewellery and sounds like it has a massive emotional element that sounds beyond being a nice fond memory.

Oh stop being so bloody ridiculous. What is this obsession that some ppl have regarding not doing anyting for a step child or its the actual parents responsibility. You buy bloody gifts for strangers kids let alone the daughter of the man your serious about. Its just a bloody bracelet not 10 bars of gold.

@Aygbskxkdnd Good move OP.
You sound like a lovely SM.

I think it'd be really sweet if you got her one

Yes do this buy it for her birthday it doesn't have to be the same as the other girls but along the same lines. She probably just want to feel she "belongs"

Could you tell us more about this important family tradition? Who has your great grandmother's charm bracelet now?

I'm torn between thinking it's a really lovely tradition and a bit shocked at the expense and feeling "tied" in to this one form of birthday present. Sometimes it's nice to share an experience instead, especially as kids get too old for toys.

Well it's not like an everyday piece of jewellery.
to be honest no I've never worried she won't like it, purely because I had one growing up and I loved getting a charm every year, it felt really special. And now as an adult I love my completed bracelet. My daughter has never disliked her bracelet and looks forward to her charm every year.

of course that could change in the future, but it's also one gift amongst others, so it's not like it's the only thing she gets for her birthday

people asking what the boys get, my brother got a different collectible item every year for his birthday and then on his 18th got a watch. But there isn't a traditional item that all boys get if that makes sense

As an aside, I would say do consider how your daughter may feel here. If she values it as a special mother-daughter-grandmother tradition then she may not feel comfortable with including your SD in that.