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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should we get SD one aswell?

167 replies

Aygbskxkdnd · 12/07/2025 12:23

would appreciate some insight from people here, especially those who have blended families

in my family it is tradition that all the girls get a charm bracelet, the bracelet when they are born and then a charm every year until they are 18. It's really special and I treasure my bracelet.

the tradition is very much my family's doing e.g. when I was with my ex and had my DD he and his family were not involved with buying the bracelet or any charms. It was all done between myself, my mum, my grandma. My family would feel very upset if my DD's paternal family tried to be involved in this e.g if they bought her a charm.

my daughter (7) has a bracelet with charms and my brother and his wife are pregnant with a little girl, so me and my mum have bought a bracelet for her.

sorry for all the context but I feel like it's important!

so, I have been in a relationship for a few years now with a man who has 3 children, two teen boys and a now 10 year old girl who I will call SD for ease although we are not married

SD has become aware of the girls getting bracelets (mostly due to my niece being due soon) and has seen my daughter's bracelet. She is obviously a little jealous and feeling left out which I totally get and I don't want her to feel upset about this

I am serious with her dad and I see us being together forever. Should we look to get her a bracelet too so she is included? I'm not sure how my family would feel, I doubt they'd object but I also don't think they'd be involved - it would be down to me and my partner to sort it all out and buy the charms etc. my mum can be difficult and potentially could get offended by us doing this.

but also this is a thing that is exclusively my side of the family tradition and I wouldn't want to overstep or anything by brining SD in to it.

any thoughts would be welcome!

OP posts:
TheNameIsDickDarlington · 12/07/2025 12:52

Are charms particularly expensive?

It does sound like your family, or maybe mostly your mum has a kind of weird possessive attitude around the tradition and maybe being brought up around this attitude has caused you to overthink the whole thing?

I'd just get SD a bracelet and a couple of charms for the next special occasion, it'll make her happy and feel like part of the family. I can't personally see a downside to it at all.

Are there any plans for you and DP to marry? If that's happening maybe getting the family on board with her joining the tradition would be easier? Also could be a nice bridesmaid gift to welcome her to the family if you were inclined to do so.

Digdongdoo · 12/07/2025 12:53

It would be lovely to get her a bracelet too. What could the harm possibly be?
If a child's bracelet offends your mum, then let her be offending - ridiculous thing to be so controlling over.

Myneighboursnorlax · 12/07/2025 12:53

You could buy SD a bracelet to start from the “year she joined your family”. So one bracelet and 2 charms (if you’ve been with your partner 3 years) rather than 10 charms to backdate it to her birth. Then one each year until 18 to follow the tradition.

Phrased like this makes it harder for your family to be difficult about it, as it starts from SD joining the family, just as the other girls joined the family from birth.

DragonTrainor · 12/07/2025 12:53

Just buy her a charm bracelet next Christmas or birthday and the you and DH can buy charms for it

AvidJadeShaker · 12/07/2025 12:53

I agree with lots of PP’s, buy a charm bracelet and give her charms for various milestones, going to secondary school, her birthdays etc. Then it isn’t exactly the same tradition as your side of the family have.

5128gap · 12/07/2025 12:54

You sound very thoughtful. And yes, I would get SD a bracelet. It's a lovely gesture. Frankly if it upsets your family, I'd say, too bad. Their desire to gatekeep a tradition matters less than a child's pleasure at being included.

namechangeGOT · 12/07/2025 12:56

I think it would be a nice thing to do. We also have the same tradition in my family - my mums charm bracelet is immense!
One thing I really dont understand is why your mum would be in anyway annoyed/offended or angry about it? That’s just bad behaviour on her part if she was.

ThrowAway987654321 · 12/07/2025 12:57

I think it would be an absolutely lovely thing to do.

godmum56 · 12/07/2025 12:57

I'd do it in a heartbeat. If your family object (and why should they?) I'd put them back in their box. Even if you aren't together for always, it will be a lovely memory for her that you think of her as your daughter. I think (hope) your partner will love that you have done it too. Just one thought......the boys.....will they understand that its a girls of the family tradition and will they be hurt by their sister being given something special when they are not?

viques · 12/07/2025 12:59

Get her dad to take her to Pandora and buy her a starter bracelet and a couple of charms. You/ he can then ask her at Christmas/ birthdays if she would like more. Her other relations can buy her charms too. It’s not too hard a problem to solve.

Don’t make it that YOU are buying the bracelet to fit in with YOUR family tradition, just say “Oh that’s lovely, “ when you first see it.

WhatYaGottaDoo · 12/07/2025 13:01

You buying your SD a charm bracelet has nothing to do with your wider family, you do you.

heavenstruck · 12/07/2025 13:02

Definitely buy her one

DrowningInSyrup · 12/07/2025 13:02

Yes buy her one, it's a lovely gesture and why would anyone want her to feel left out. She is part of the family and it seems important to her. It's a bit upsetting that your family might begrudge her this, she's a 10 year old child. I'd let them know you were doing it (no reason for them to be involved) and if they responded negativity I'd tell them they were mean minded, because lets face it, they would be.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 12/07/2025 13:07

Aygbskxkdnd · 12/07/2025 12:32

I am prone to overthinking so those saying I'm making a big deal out of nothing may be right

If I was part of your wider family, and saw you including your sd in this tradition, @Aygbskxkdnd, I would think that it was very nice of you. It seems like a really positive and kind thing for you to do.

Maybe your dh’s family would get involved in buying her charms for her bracelet?

Northerngirl821 · 12/07/2025 13:10

Yes, get her a bracelet, why wouldn’t you?

No need to involve your family or make a big deal about it to them, just do it from you and her dad.

HauntedMarshmallow · 12/07/2025 13:13

That sounds like a lovely idea. Do it for her next birthday but avoid doing it at the time the new baby is born imo.

DisforDarkChocolate · 12/07/2025 13:13

I'd consider it as your relationship gets more serious.

It all feels weirdly territorial in your family though. I can see them being upset if they ever see her wearing it. How would you respond to that @Aygbskxkdnd?

vintagedog · 12/07/2025 13:15

diterictur · 12/07/2025 12:35

I don't want to be flippant but this isn't some kind of incredibly obscure distinctive tradition involving family tiaras or anything handed down for centuries, it's a standard item of jewellery, if it would make her happy, do it. Don't overthink it

This. So much drama.

My niece received one charm every year for over 12 years. A big deal from the givers. But she has never once worn that bracelet.

draggedtoakpopconcert · 12/07/2025 13:19

Is your mum going to demand all branches of Pandora be closed down forthwith, on the basis that females in your family like to have charm bracelets?

The 'tradition' of charm bracelets is hardly unusual or exclusive to your family. Anyone is at liberty to buy one for any reason at any time. So yes, get her a bracelet with a few charms she would like and be done with it! It has nothing to do with your mum.

Thedoorisalwaysopen · 12/07/2025 13:19

My family would feel very upset if my DD's paternal family tried to be involved in this e.g if they bought her a charm.

This part is weird

Delphiniumandlupins · 12/07/2025 13:20

I know you have a lovely family tradition but, honestly, charm bracelets are common and your partner's DD should have one if she wants one. It won't have the weight of tradition like your DD's but still be a nice keepsake. It seems an easy way to treat the girls as equal family members.

TheLemonLemur · 12/07/2025 13:21

Just do it between you and your partner. You are demonstrating she is part of the family but you don't need to involve your mum etc in buying it..a charm bracelet is a pretty normal gift for a child that age its not like you are passing family heirloom jewellery to her

Ellie1015 · 12/07/2025 13:23

I would want sd to feel special too. What's the worse that could happen? If you split she has a bracelet it is no big deal.

wibdib · 12/07/2025 13:29

Absolutely get get a charm bracelet for her - it’s an easy gift to give her and you will have fun getting her charms over the years, while she will enjoy getting them.

However I wouldn’t stop at 18 - have you stopped adding charms to your bracelet even though you have the tradition for getting the 18 charms over the years from your mum? Most people who have and treasure their charm bracelet will actively seek to add new charms on to it as they have new like events to celebrate - so for example, did you/your mum add anything when you got married or had a child? A single charm that is particular for each year is a great reminder as you grow up but it’s also nice to get a few decorative ones or ones for special events.

also wondering about the boys as I can see that they wouldn’t want this - except maybe they would - you can now get very masculine ones, albeit most of the ones I’ve seen have been wristbands for men who like travelling so the charms tend to be ‘beads’ more than charms and have place names written on or maybe flags, so you could get something similar for the boys too.

i have boys and haven’t done the bracelet thing (no history of it in my family!) but I do buy them a Christmas decoration each year that seems apt - and at some point when they are ready and want them, they will have a starter set of Christmas tree decorations for their own tree! This is something that you could create as your own family tradition without your mum being involved if you worry about what she will think, and enjoy with SD and your DD as well as the boys going forward!

Mercedesaintmycar · 12/07/2025 13:29

this is just bonkers. Your family doesn't own the charm gifting tradition. You worry how your family would feel about it? Jesus 😵. It's a bloody bracelet. nothing else. I think you completely blew this out of proportion. And yes, get m SD one if you think it makes her happy. It's really not that difficult.

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