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Original poster

Should we get SD one aswell?

167 replies

Aygbskxkdnd · 12/07/2025 12:23

would appreciate some insight from people here, especially those who have blended families

in my family it is tradition that all the girls get a charm bracelet, the bracelet when they are born and then a charm every year until they are 18. It's really special and I treasure my bracelet.

the tradition is very much my family's doing e.g. when I was with my ex and had my DD he and his family were not involved with buying the bracelet or any charms. It was all done between myself, my mum, my grandma. My family would feel very upset if my DD's paternal family tried to be involved in this e.g if they bought her a charm.

my daughter (7) has a bracelet with charms and my brother and his wife are pregnant with a little girl, so me and my mum have bought a bracelet for her.

sorry for all the context but I feel like it's important!

so, I have been in a relationship for a few years now with a man who has 3 children, two teen boys and a now 10 year old girl who I will call SD for ease although we are not married

SD has become aware of the girls getting bracelets (mostly due to my niece being due soon) and has seen my daughter's bracelet. She is obviously a little jealous and feeling left out which I totally get and I don't want her to feel upset about this

I am serious with her dad and I see us being together forever. Should we look to get her a bracelet too so she is included? I'm not sure how my family would feel, I doubt they'd object but I also don't think they'd be involved - it would be down to me and my partner to sort it all out and buy the charms etc. my mum can be difficult and potentially could get offended by us doing this.

but also this is a thing that is exclusively my side of the family tradition and I wouldn't want to overstep or anything by brining SD in to it.

any thoughts would be welcome!

OP posts:
MyDeftDuck · 12/07/2025 15:00

Willowskyblue · 12/07/2025 12:25

I think just start your own charm tradition for her and not involve your family.

This and include her birth father in choosing and buying it.

babyproblems · 12/07/2025 15:03

Yes you should get his girls a charm bracelet aswell.

doing something similar and nice for them doesn’t detract from how special a tradition is to you/your relatives.

DrowningInSyrup · 12/07/2025 15:04

I'm quite shocked that your 7 year old daughter walks around with such an expensive piece of jewellery. What happened to friendship bracelets or beads. I think that's a bit ludicrous, I can't get my head round such a young child having a bracelet worth thousands. Does she wear it all the time or is it put away for special occasions? Is this the norm? Have I deprived my 9 year old?

BabyEatsEverything · 12/07/2025 15:06

I the same vein, are you not overstepping not allowing your SIL to buy her own child’s bracelet? And you’re going to spend £300 a year on your niece?

katepilar · 12/07/2025 15:06

Just buy her the bracelet, from you or you and her father. Dont involve your own wider family.

Away2000 · 12/07/2025 15:07

I think it’s it’s something that’s going to cause resentment and make her feel excluded to not have one then yes I’d get her one. You don’t even have to mention it to your family. It’s none of their business if you want to buy a bracelet for your SD.

Crazyworldmum · 12/07/2025 15:13

Start your tradition and maybe you and your daughters and partner can give her charms ? That’s what I would do

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 12/07/2025 15:14

OP I love this tradition, it sounds great, but not the possessive, exclusive nature of it from your wider family.

Re your SD this is such an easy thing which will make her happy, and it’s also in my opinion the right thing to do in the context of being part of the family. I don’t see why you wouldn’t just go ahead, Easy wins like this are very hard to come by!

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 12/07/2025 15:15

DrowningInSyrup · 12/07/2025 15:04

I'm quite shocked that your 7 year old daughter walks around with such an expensive piece of jewellery. What happened to friendship bracelets or beads. I think that's a bit ludicrous, I can't get my head round such a young child having a bracelet worth thousands. Does she wear it all the time or is it put away for special occasions? Is this the norm? Have I deprived my 9 year old?

Of course you haven’t deprived your 9-year-old! Surely you know that?

Arran2024 · 12/07/2025 15:19

The charm bracelet tradition you describe isn't owned by your family. Loads of people do stuff like this. I dont see how your mother can object or why you should pay her any attention if she does. It's a lovely gesture you are making.

Catsandcannedbeans · 12/07/2025 15:20

Yes you should include her. Your family has no right to be offended really. My step mum and her family always included me and my siblings in their traditions and we really appreciated it. Now I’m an adult with my own family I see my step mum as my children’s extra grandparent, even if she split with my Dad I would still see her. If you want a good relationship with her long term, you need to include her. Also, she will probably get more difficult when she’s a teen so now’s a good time to secure a good foundation.

Cool tradition, I really like that it’s super cute!

InterIgnis · 12/07/2025 15:24

Tbh I probably wouldn’t do this. Encourage her father to start a tradition with her, sure, but you know this particular one, with this particular brand of bracelet, has a very deep sentimental meaning in your family, and that’s an emotional element that is worth considering. It’s all well and good saying that it shouldn’t matter to your mother and that she’ll have to get over it, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t matter to her, or that she would get over it.

IMO it’s not worth opening the can of worms you know it will likely open, and end up with a sweet tradition becoming a source of contention and bad feeling.

Dearover · 12/07/2025 15:34

I'm intrigued. Can we see what the bracelet & charms look like as I can only envisage Pandora type stuff?

Firstly, why does your mum need to be involved at all? Secondly, why is there such a big palaver about these bracelets to spark the little girl feeling left out? It does sound thoughtless discussing something which deliberately excludes her in front of the poor little girl.

Can't you just find something similar but different as an ongoing gift for both your DD and your partner's DD?

MeridianB · 12/07/2025 15:34

I agree with PPs. Maybe her dad can buy her a different type of (cheaper) charm bracelet and you don’t need to get your family involved at all, especially with your mother’s strong feelings!

DrowningInSyrup · 12/07/2025 15:36

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 12/07/2025 15:15

Of course you haven’t deprived your 9-year-old! Surely you know that?

Show quote history

Of course I do. It was a way of affirming whether this was the norm or not.

SL2924 · 12/07/2025 15:38

Absolutely get her one. A small act of kindness that will make her feel that she is valued and included. If your family have any issue with this it’s their problem and frankly twisted.

Seventree · 12/07/2025 15:39

Yes, of course get her one. Your family doesn't need to be involved if they don't want to be and have zero right to an opinion either way. It's not like they own the concept of a charm bracelet (honestly, they sound incredibly precious about the tradition anyway... why on earth would they be upset if your dad paternal family bought her a charm? What about if her future partner, or a good friend bought one for her and she loved it? It's her jewellery to wear how she likes).

viques · 12/07/2025 15:45

Dearover · 12/07/2025 15:34

I'm intrigued. Can we see what the bracelet & charms look like as I can only envisage Pandora type stuff?

Firstly, why does your mum need to be involved at all? Secondly, why is there such a big palaver about these bracelets to spark the little girl feeling left out? It does sound thoughtless discussing something which deliberately excludes her in front of the poor little girl.

Can't you just find something similar but different as an ongoing gift for both your DD and your partner's DD?

Look in any second hand jewellers shop and you will see loads of charm bracelets! They only really have meaning for the person they belong to, and sadly when that person grows up/ loses interest / dies the bracelet loses its sentimental value and is only worth the metal it is made from.

WearyAuldWumman · 12/07/2025 15:49

Willowskyblue · 12/07/2025 12:25

I think just start your own charm tradition for her and not involve your family.

Yup.

The tradition on my side of the family was that granny bought the first kilt for a child. There was no such tradition on my late husband's side of the family, so when I bought a kilt for the SGD, I just framed it as being a present - didn't mention anything about family tradition (although my husband knew).

I didn't buy my family's tartan - I chose DH's late mother's clan tartan.

RandalsAunty · 12/07/2025 15:53

I’m intrigued to see this bracelet?! I’m assuming charms are with solid gold / precious stones to cost £300?!

Inapickle3012 · 12/07/2025 16:02

Your mom doesn’t get to decide who can and can’t have a charm bracelet, it’s spiteful if she takes it as anything but a lovely gesture

Original poster
Aygbskxkdnd · 12/07/2025 16:07

RandalsAunty · 12/07/2025 15:53

I’m intrigued to see this bracelet?! I’m assuming charms are with solid gold / precious stones to cost £300?!

Yes the bracelet and charms are solid gold

£300 is the max paid for a charm, that's not ever single one. Most are between £100-150

OP posts:
Original poster
Aygbskxkdnd · 12/07/2025 16:12

DrowningInSyrup · 12/07/2025 15:04

I'm quite shocked that your 7 year old daughter walks around with such an expensive piece of jewellery. What happened to friendship bracelets or beads. I think that's a bit ludicrous, I can't get my head round such a young child having a bracelet worth thousands. Does she wear it all the time or is it put away for special occasions? Is this the norm? Have I deprived my 9 year old?

She doesn't wear it outside. It's an adults bracelet so it's far too big for her, it's really for when she's grown up but she gets to look at it and wear it at home but it's mainly put away for her. She understands it's not a toy to play with.
she has beads and friendship bracelets for now of course they are age appropriate

OP posts:
Scout2016 · 12/07/2025 16:16

That's a nuts amount of money for a child's bracelet. I wouldn't feel comfortable wearing that out but equally I wouldn't want to tell my child she can't wear her jewellery out the house either.

I'm really interested in the idea of this though. Do they chose their own charm each year?

Devil's advocate- what would SD's mum think of it?
What would your daughter think of it? Would it take the shine off her bracelet? I am maybe not very nice but when I have had something special to me it has stung the couple of times my sister has been given the same too.

I hate to say it but I think if me or my sister had had jewellery worth that much aged 18 we might have sold it when on stony times. Regretted it I'm sure but young people don't always have foresight.

Scout2016 · 12/07/2025 16:19

Just seem she doesn't wear it. I am starting to feel this is more for the adults than the kids to be honest. Don't be too upset of she doesn't treasure it the way you have yours OP, there's a lot of projecting going on here. She'll be well aware how much it means to you and other female relatives but will have her own views.