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Original poster

Should we get SD one aswell?

167 replies

Aygbskxkdnd · 12/07/2025 12:23

would appreciate some insight from people here, especially those who have blended families

in my family it is tradition that all the girls get a charm bracelet, the bracelet when they are born and then a charm every year until they are 18. It's really special and I treasure my bracelet.

the tradition is very much my family's doing e.g. when I was with my ex and had my DD he and his family were not involved with buying the bracelet or any charms. It was all done between myself, my mum, my grandma. My family would feel very upset if my DD's paternal family tried to be involved in this e.g if they bought her a charm.

my daughter (7) has a bracelet with charms and my brother and his wife are pregnant with a little girl, so me and my mum have bought a bracelet for her.

sorry for all the context but I feel like it's important!

so, I have been in a relationship for a few years now with a man who has 3 children, two teen boys and a now 10 year old girl who I will call SD for ease although we are not married

SD has become aware of the girls getting bracelets (mostly due to my niece being due soon) and has seen my daughter's bracelet. She is obviously a little jealous and feeling left out which I totally get and I don't want her to feel upset about this

I am serious with her dad and I see us being together forever. Should we look to get her a bracelet too so she is included? I'm not sure how my family would feel, I doubt they'd object but I also don't think they'd be involved - it would be down to me and my partner to sort it all out and buy the charms etc. my mum can be difficult and potentially could get offended by us doing this.

but also this is a thing that is exclusively my side of the family tradition and I wouldn't want to overstep or anything by brining SD in to it.

any thoughts would be welcome!

OP posts:
Thingsthatgo · 12/07/2025 13:30

We do similar in my family - my dd has a silver charm each birthday, something relevant to her interests in that year of her life. They don’t cost a lot.
Maybe buy SD a bracelet with a couple of charms and you can include your DD in choosing them, so it becomes part of your own family tradition.

VIOLETPUGH · 12/07/2025 13:30

You do realise don't you that charm bracelets are not exclusive to your family, go to pandora and get her a bracelet for her birthday for goodness sake !

Seagull5 · 12/07/2025 13:31

I'm sure there will be things your DD is jealous of with your step dd
You can't always make everything fair
And nor should you try to
Things like Christmas presents if they are together at Christmas they should open the same amount
When ever they are together try to treat the same .
Maybe only give your DD the charm when step dd is not there
But there is nothing stopping your boyfriend buying his daughter a bracelet and a charm each year if he chooses to.
But no I don't think you should ..
It's ok for your DD to have things that are special to her between your family and her .

aCatCalledFawkes · 12/07/2025 13:32

You are hardly stealing your mums idea given how mainstream charm bracelets are and if she is offended because you tried to include your step daughter then it's all a bit pathetic. Given some of the blended family posts this is such a non issue as its so easy to resolve.

MrsPerfect12 · 12/07/2025 13:32

I think it would be a lovely thing to do. It’s a shame your mum wouldn’t be happy about it.

crumblingschools · 12/07/2025 13:32

A charm bracket is a nice idea. Your family being so possessive over them (being offended if someone else buys a charm) is not.

I am old and had a charm bracelet when I was a child, and the charms are nothing like the things you can buy now. I have an assortment of charms many of which were bought whilst on holiday, so charms include a lobster pot and the acropolis!

3peassuit · 12/07/2025 13:36

Just buy her a bracelet. There is no need for your family to be involved.

SprayWhiteDung · 12/07/2025 13:36

Having a tradition like this for your own family is a very lovely thing.

Having a tradition that other families (or not 'fully' related family members) CAN'T do this thenselves is absolutely mental.

As PP have said, the very fact that plenty of jewellery retailers across the country sell charm bracelets must mean that plenty of people want to buy them. Did the person in your family who originally started the tradition have to specially commission an artisan jeweller to bring their unique idea to fruition; or did they find that there were already jewellers selling them?

It's like having a family tradition of, say, Wetherspoons Wednesday - and then getting angry or upset to discover that there are also other unrelated customers in there on the same day!

ShesTheAlbatross · 12/07/2025 13:38

I think your mum would be unbelievably unreasonable to be offended if you did this.

Flamingoknees · 12/07/2025 13:39

Thedoorisalwaysopen · 12/07/2025 13:19

My family would feel very upset if my DD's paternal family tried to be involved in this e.g if they bought her a charm.

This part is weird

Yes. Your mother sounds very difficult, controlling,and precious. Don't pander to it. I hope she realises that your brother's wife, and her family, have every right to buy charms for the new baby. Wouldn't it be great if they bought bigger and better and started a bracelet war, 😂 I'd buy SD a bracelet, and you and her Dad can contribute charms. His family/her mum's family might join in. Your family are a bit mean if they don't contribute - and more fool them, it's an easy present idea.

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 12/07/2025 13:39

SD is asking for a bracelet, not a kidney.

I cannot image an adult being pathetic enough to resent a child having a charm bracelet or sharing in a tradition. And if your family are going to be this precious then they need to give their collective heads a wobble.

londongirl12 · 12/07/2025 13:40

You don’t need your families approval. I find it odd they would be offended if someone else bought a charm.
I think it’s a nice thing to do for your SD if you see her in your life forever.

lazyarse123 · 12/07/2025 13:41

Get the bracelet. Your mum is weird I wouldn't have a grandparent saying they were the only ones allowed to buy a certain gift.

Sweetpea59 · 12/07/2025 13:42

If it's fine with your dp I would buy her one. Your dm doesn't have to be involved. I have a step niece. She split her time between both of her real parents she has always been treated equally by our side of the family as though she were a blood relative. We could never have left her out x

nopineapplepizza · 12/07/2025 13:45

If millions of women around the world didn’t wear charm bracelets, then companies like Pandora would go out of business.

It's a popular item of jewellery, worn by sooo many people, how could anyone get offended by you buying one as a gift for a child?

You're massively over thinking this.

CinnamonBuns67 · 12/07/2025 13:45

I think it's a nice idea. I'd get a bracelet with 1 or 2 charms for her next birthday and add to it occasionally and if SD's grandparents, Aunts, Uncles wish to add to it they can. However I wouldn't be scrambling to make up for where others lack to ensure she gets exactly the same as the other girls (I.e. I wouldn't be presenting her with a charm bracelet with 11 charms next birthday and buying her one every year until shes 18).

Alondra · 12/07/2025 13:48

I'll never understand in a million years why kindness and generosity to be fair and doing the right thing for step kids or partner's children is so difficult.

First post got it right. Make your own traditions and include your SD. She's been in your life for a few years, and buying her a bracelet would go a long way to make her feel included in the blended family you want to create with her father.

Pinty · 12/07/2025 13:51

I don't see why you shouldn't do it and I don't see why your mother should be upset by it.
People other than your family can buy charm bracelets and have traditions.

NightPuffins · 12/07/2025 13:52

It sounds like this bracelet started off as a lovely meaningful gift with family history, but is evolving into something unnecessarily “precious” (precious, not in a good way!).

The idea that your mum would be upset if your daughter was given a charm by someone else, or that she would be upset if you included your step-daughter in the tradition, it’s just silly and selfish. Would she really be upset? Or is it you projecting that she might?

If your daughter was given a charm by her paternal family, surely it’s her choice whether to add it to the bracelet and make that “her whole family” treasure, or whether to keep the bracelet as a maternal family thing and wear the other charm separately.

Regarding your step-daughter. If this is genuinely a family tradition, and not your mother’s/grandmother’s tradition, then you should be able to carry it on yourself. If you consider your step-daughter your family then it would be special to include her. You don’t need to backdate it. Get her the bracelet and a charm next birthday, then get a charm every year until she’s 18. That represents the time you and she have been family. The rest of your family can be involved, or not, that’s their choice. Doesn’t need to be hard feelings either way.

LBFseBrom · 12/07/2025 13:52

SpringHasSprungGrassIsRizIWonder · 12/07/2025 12:28

I think this is thoughtful and kind.

It shows you value her and see her as part of your family.

I think she would be delighted, at that age the bracelet even without the thought behind it would be gratefully relieved.

In years to come, if you are together for the long haul, it will become treasured.

Go for it!

I agree.

TheCurious0range · 12/07/2025 13:54

This sounds lovely OP I'd get her a bracelet and as many charms as years you've known her then you and her dad and half sister can choose them each year for the future. It's a record of your relationship with her

InterIgnis · 12/07/2025 13:56

I can only see there being an issue if you connected getting your SD one as part of your family tradition and involving your family, i.e told your SD it’s from your family and/or insisted your mother must now consider your SD her granddaughter and treat her as one when it comes to buying charms.

If you want to get her one then do, but as a gift from you and her father.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 12/07/2025 13:58

Just buy one for her (you and partner)

JustMyView13 · 12/07/2025 14:05

Willowskyblue · 12/07/2025 12:25

I think just start your own charm tradition for her and not involve your family.

This.
Plus, surely your family realise that plenty of other people do similar traditions?

Anyway, it’s ok to start your own traditions with your blended family. I’d be more concerned at SD feeling left out than I would be offending family about extending your love & generosity across your blended family.

beachcitygirl · 12/07/2025 14:06

Get her one now and start a new tradition with her. Lovely thing to do