Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should we get SD one aswell?

167 replies

Aygbskxkdnd · 12/07/2025 12:23

would appreciate some insight from people here, especially those who have blended families

in my family it is tradition that all the girls get a charm bracelet, the bracelet when they are born and then a charm every year until they are 18. It's really special and I treasure my bracelet.

the tradition is very much my family's doing e.g. when I was with my ex and had my DD he and his family were not involved with buying the bracelet or any charms. It was all done between myself, my mum, my grandma. My family would feel very upset if my DD's paternal family tried to be involved in this e.g if they bought her a charm.

my daughter (7) has a bracelet with charms and my brother and his wife are pregnant with a little girl, so me and my mum have bought a bracelet for her.

sorry for all the context but I feel like it's important!

so, I have been in a relationship for a few years now with a man who has 3 children, two teen boys and a now 10 year old girl who I will call SD for ease although we are not married

SD has become aware of the girls getting bracelets (mostly due to my niece being due soon) and has seen my daughter's bracelet. She is obviously a little jealous and feeling left out which I totally get and I don't want her to feel upset about this

I am serious with her dad and I see us being together forever. Should we look to get her a bracelet too so she is included? I'm not sure how my family would feel, I doubt they'd object but I also don't think they'd be involved - it would be down to me and my partner to sort it all out and buy the charms etc. my mum can be difficult and potentially could get offended by us doing this.

but also this is a thing that is exclusively my side of the family tradition and I wouldn't want to overstep or anything by brining SD in to it.

any thoughts would be welcome!

OP posts:
Arran2024 · 12/07/2025 16:25

I went to Canada to visit relatives when I was 10 with my grandparents. My relatives bought me a silver charm bracelet and they all bought me a charm. Some represented their interests eg a girl water skiing (which caught on everything!), others chose ones of places we visited.

I loved it so much. It was really personal.

My girls have Pandora bracelets. Again, really personal to them. And one also has a Thomas Sabo, which is more tradional charms.

I think it's the meaning in the charms that matters.

honeybeetheoneandonly · 12/07/2025 17:47

I would get her a bracelet and I would get her a charm for each year you have known her that is also meaningful to you in regards to her. What have you learned or experienced since you met her? I wouldn't even involve your DH in this. I would make this a family tradition for your female family members that she is now part of.

Original poster
Aygbskxkdnd · 12/07/2025 18:08

Arran2024 · 12/07/2025 16:25

I went to Canada to visit relatives when I was 10 with my grandparents. My relatives bought me a silver charm bracelet and they all bought me a charm. Some represented their interests eg a girl water skiing (which caught on everything!), others chose ones of places we visited.

I loved it so much. It was really personal.

My girls have Pandora bracelets. Again, really personal to them. And one also has a Thomas Sabo, which is more tradional charms.

I think it's the meaning in the charms that matters.

I'm glad you understand, each charm is personal as it relates to an interest or hobby or somewhere we've been so it's very special

OP posts:
CornflowerDusk · 12/07/2025 18:11

Seagull5 · 12/07/2025 13:31

I'm sure there will be things your DD is jealous of with your step dd
You can't always make everything fair
And nor should you try to
Things like Christmas presents if they are together at Christmas they should open the same amount
When ever they are together try to treat the same .
Maybe only give your DD the charm when step dd is not there
But there is nothing stopping your boyfriend buying his daughter a bracelet and a charm each year if he chooses to.
But no I don't think you should ..
It's ok for your DD to have things that are special to her between your family and her .

I agree.

It's not on you to make everything the same, they won't be anyway. It's okay for your DC to have a tradition on your side where SD probably has some on her mum's side.

I'm not saying don't get her nice things, just don't rush to fix any differences as there will be differences and that's not always bad.

Notanothernamechange25 · 12/07/2025 18:12

Why don't you get your SD a Pandora bracelet? It doesn't have to be the same, expensive brand that you all have. It shows you value her and she has a charm bracelet to enjoy too. Don't even mention it to your family, it's nothing to do with them.

SUPerSaver721 · 12/07/2025 18:16

Your mum sounds like a dick. I would love to know how it works with your brothers baby as its only the maternal side allowed to buy and add to the bracelet. According to your mum. Your family is the paternal side to that baby. Are they allowed to buy and add to the braclet?

Digdongdoo · 12/07/2025 19:35

I feel like you're really over egging these bracelets OP. It's just a charm bracelet, they or may not be special to your grown up children/nieces.
I'm getting the vibe that you don't really want DSD to have one... which is rather petty imo.

JLou08 · 12/07/2025 19:39

Your family sound possessive. It's crazy that they wouldn't have allowed your DDs paternal family buy a charm. They have no right to say SD can't have a charm bracelet. Buy her the bracelet, I don't know how anyone could begrudge making a 10 yo feel included.

Tinatubby73 · 12/07/2025 19:51

Yes go for it.

Itallcomesdowntothis · 12/07/2025 20:06

It’s a charm bracelet - millions of people have them and follow this tradition. It’s isn’t new or unique to your family (mine does it too) so your mum needs to relax.

Getting your SD one is nice and thoughtful. You are overthinking this - just do it.

crumblingschools · 12/07/2025 20:20

When do they wear such an expensive piece of jewellery?

whackamole666 · 12/07/2025 20:43

It's just a bracelet for a little girl. Buy her one and add charms for her birthday/Xmas.

Your mum and other female relatives don't need to be involved or informed. It's between you and SD. And her dad if he wants to be involved.

whynotmereally · 12/07/2025 21:14

You and your bf buy her a charm bracelet. It’s nothing to do with your family and they don’t have ownership over bracelets

TheignT · 12/07/2025 21:21

Aygbskxkdnd · 12/07/2025 12:23

would appreciate some insight from people here, especially those who have blended families

in my family it is tradition that all the girls get a charm bracelet, the bracelet when they are born and then a charm every year until they are 18. It's really special and I treasure my bracelet.

the tradition is very much my family's doing e.g. when I was with my ex and had my DD he and his family were not involved with buying the bracelet or any charms. It was all done between myself, my mum, my grandma. My family would feel very upset if my DD's paternal family tried to be involved in this e.g if they bought her a charm.

my daughter (7) has a bracelet with charms and my brother and his wife are pregnant with a little girl, so me and my mum have bought a bracelet for her.

sorry for all the context but I feel like it's important!

so, I have been in a relationship for a few years now with a man who has 3 children, two teen boys and a now 10 year old girl who I will call SD for ease although we are not married

SD has become aware of the girls getting bracelets (mostly due to my niece being due soon) and has seen my daughter's bracelet. She is obviously a little jealous and feeling left out which I totally get and I don't want her to feel upset about this

I am serious with her dad and I see us being together forever. Should we look to get her a bracelet too so she is included? I'm not sure how my family would feel, I doubt they'd object but I also don't think they'd be involved - it would be down to me and my partner to sort it all out and buy the charms etc. my mum can be difficult and potentially could get offended by us doing this.

but also this is a thing that is exclusively my side of the family tradition and I wouldn't want to overstep or anything by brining SD in to it.

any thoughts would be welcome!

Well it isn't exclusively your family tradition, my family do it and offhand I know two other families that do it. I think it would be ridiculous to not buy a child a present for this reason.

Incidentally my DD doesn't like hers and I think she might have sold it when she was getting a house deposit together. I won't ask as it's hers.

Laura95167 · 12/07/2025 21:30

Your mum sounds a bit insufferable - DDs dad's family weren't allowed to get her a charm?

Id include DSD

JSMill · 12/07/2025 21:36

I think that would be a really kind thing to do.

Createausername1970 · 12/07/2025 21:44

Solid gold charms and solid gold bracelet - probably a good investment for later life.

OP, what are your plans for the future with DP. If there is any possibility of you having a girl with him in the future, then it would be awkward if DSD had nothing, but her step-sister and half-sister did.

NewbieSM · 12/07/2025 23:17

Hmmm I’m actually not sure about this one. 18 years worth of solid gold charms plus bracelet is a huge amount of money for a little girl, plus the added emotional sentiment. In my family my Chinese grandparents have gifted my sister and I gold bullion and very expensive traditional gold and jade jewellery (not really for wearing) as this is a cultural and family tradition. My step sister got none of that she just got normal gifts, she isn't damaged as far as I know. I would buy her a pandora charm bracelet with a few different charms. Not so expensive and means she can wear it more often and take it back and forth between Mum and Dads house. It shows her that you value her and want to include her but doesn’t cost a bomb. What does her Dad say? He should be the one paying for this if you do decide to go ahead.

Ahwig · 12/07/2025 23:20

I was bought a charm bracelet when I passed my 11 plus . I have probably 15 charms and all of them mean something special and illustrate a part of my life. I’m way past middle age now and I only wear it on special occasions but it is the most sentimental piece of jewellery that I own. My parents and grandparents ( all long deceased) bought some charms and every time I put it on I remember them. It is comfortably full now , I don’t want any more but my husband gets the sentiment and because my aunt gave me my grandmother’s engagement ring , he didn’t have to buy a ring so he bought me a charm for my bracelet of the 3 rings ( engagement, wedding and eternity) . My bracelet was way before Pandora popularity so is quite classic and maybe considered old fashioned but I absolutely love it.

Dearover · 12/07/2025 23:53

Does your mum build up the preciousness of this gift to your little girl as a display of affection? Most 9 year-olds are interested in ponies and unicorns, not a piece of grown up jewellery they're not able to wear. It sounds as though this is all about the adults, not the children.

Wendiej · 13/07/2025 18:18

Aygbskxkdnd · 12/07/2025 12:23

would appreciate some insight from people here, especially those who have blended families

in my family it is tradition that all the girls get a charm bracelet, the bracelet when they are born and then a charm every year until they are 18. It's really special and I treasure my bracelet.

the tradition is very much my family's doing e.g. when I was with my ex and had my DD he and his family were not involved with buying the bracelet or any charms. It was all done between myself, my mum, my grandma. My family would feel very upset if my DD's paternal family tried to be involved in this e.g if they bought her a charm.

my daughter (7) has a bracelet with charms and my brother and his wife are pregnant with a little girl, so me and my mum have bought a bracelet for her.

sorry for all the context but I feel like it's important!

so, I have been in a relationship for a few years now with a man who has 3 children, two teen boys and a now 10 year old girl who I will call SD for ease although we are not married

SD has become aware of the girls getting bracelets (mostly due to my niece being due soon) and has seen my daughter's bracelet. She is obviously a little jealous and feeling left out which I totally get and I don't want her to feel upset about this

I am serious with her dad and I see us being together forever. Should we look to get her a bracelet too so she is included? I'm not sure how my family would feel, I doubt they'd object but I also don't think they'd be involved - it would be down to me and my partner to sort it all out and buy the charms etc. my mum can be difficult and potentially could get offended by us doing this.

but also this is a thing that is exclusively my side of the family tradition and I wouldn't want to overstep or anything by brining SD in to it.

any thoughts would be welcome!

To be honest with u i do same with my girls every brithday Christmas etc , we did buy hubbys daughter one from his first marriage not my step d , but its not to same .as shes like other things didn't appreciate it or look after it, as u know there not cheap sometimes and its only really like u a close family thing ,, can I state that hubbys daughter doesn't have anything do to with us by choice , so no its not the same sorry I wouldn't waste money and time

Whyamiherenow · 13/07/2025 18:23

We do something very similar in our family. We get the boys a silver sixpence each year and a signet ring at 18. The girls get a bracelet and charms. I have done exactly the same for my dsd. I couldn’t live with treating her any different tbh.

tommyhoundmum · 13/07/2025 18:53

Aygbskxkdnd · 12/07/2025 12:32

I am prone to overthinking so those saying I'm making a big deal out of nothing may be right

You are considering your mother's feelings too.

Blades2 · 13/07/2025 19:19

Your mum seems terrible, not difficult.
Yes include your SD.

Trishyb10 · 13/07/2025 19:20

ASK her if she wants a bracelet.. i,m a girly girl but not at all interested in jewellry,got a £100 pandora voucher for my birthday which i,l never use, so check she really wants one first