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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boyfriend sharing hotel room for two nights with female "friend"

222 replies

Challenger2A7 · 10/07/2025 02:18

I'm 23, and my boyfriend of 3 years has just spent two nights in a London hotel with a woman he says is just a friend. They were going to a big concert together, and she's 44. I don't like this, and I didn't know about it until now. He says it was just to save money. The woman has been married for 20 years, but I don't know what her husband thinks, or if he even knows or cares, but AIBU to wonder if my boyfriend really thinks anything of me? I should add that they shared a twin-bedded room.

OP posts:
Tifical33 · 12/07/2025 02:39

Run fast and far. You deserve better. Respect being number ONE!

Challenger2A7 · 12/07/2025 02:52

He told me himself after it had happened, that's how I found out. I don't blame the woman involved any more than I blame him, though I find it difficult to believe that her husband doesn't mind her sharing a hotel bedroom with another man for two nights. As for my ex, he can just get on with it.

OP posts:
mintydoggyv · 12/07/2025 02:58

This is not on, your boyfriend should have told you if you are both in a serious relationship of what he was doing . But as to something happening 44 years of age to a say 23 year old is not even a yep we had sex that like 20 years difference, it's up to you what you do but not at all honest of him how serious are you 2 . This is not good one feels nothing happened but very dishonest and a high trust issue

savagedaughter · 12/07/2025 03:13

Challenger2A7 · 12/07/2025 02:52

He told me himself after it had happened, that's how I found out. I don't blame the woman involved any more than I blame him, though I find it difficult to believe that her husband doesn't mind her sharing a hotel bedroom with another man for two nights. As for my ex, he can just get on with it.

I'm glad he's your ex. You do deserve better.

HarkerandBarker · 13/07/2025 02:14

Areyouserioushuh · 10/07/2025 19:57

If i was sharing a room with a bloke, id probably try to fuck him....just saying.....

🤣🤣🤣

HarkerandBarker · 13/07/2025 02:25

I've never had a male friend who didn't want something more. Never! Whatever the age. Maybe it all boils down to personal experience.
Not saying there aren't women like that too.

They know how to hook men in. Women can groom men too. The more nieve the man is the easier. Same if it was a much older man with a younger women. No difference in my opinion. Women are not necessarily becons of morality by virtue of being being a woman and should be judged by merit! I'm not misogynistic. I live in the real world.

So those of you that have reported me....get over yourselves!

TheOriginalEmu · 13/07/2025 02:31

I’ve shared hotel rooms with male friends plenty of times at gigs. It’s never been anything dodgy. 🤷🏼‍♀️

HarkerandBarker · 13/07/2025 02:33

TheOriginalEmu · 13/07/2025 02:31

I’ve shared hotel rooms with male friends plenty of times at gigs. It’s never been anything dodgy. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Like I said it all boils down to personal experience.

TheOriginalEmu · 13/07/2025 02:42

HarkerandBarker · 13/07/2025 02:33

Like I said it all boils down to personal experience.

My reply wasn’t to you specifically, though it looks that way I know! It was just a general thought from my experiences. I agree it’s personal experience that influences how you think in this sort of situation.

savagedaughter · 13/07/2025 03:31

HarkerandBarker · 13/07/2025 02:25

I've never had a male friend who didn't want something more. Never! Whatever the age. Maybe it all boils down to personal experience.
Not saying there aren't women like that too.

They know how to hook men in. Women can groom men too. The more nieve the man is the easier. Same if it was a much older man with a younger women. No difference in my opinion. Women are not necessarily becons of morality by virtue of being being a woman and should be judged by merit! I'm not misogynistic. I live in the real world.

So those of you that have reported me....get over yourselves!

Yep. Agreed. I have had three male friends, all of them I met when I was too young to know better, only one I really keep in touch with now, to be honest, as I moved away. Every one of them put the moves on me at some point in the friendship 😂

The reason we remained friends was I ignored their persistent, repeated and often clumsy attempts at seduction as I wasn't offended or frightened by them, and beyond that found something worthwhile in them, and after a long while they finally got it.

I guarantee though that if I offered my long time male friend a romance even now, many years down the line, he'd go for it (to be clear he's single and a bit lonely) he was just wise enough to stop trying and I moved away so we are mostly friends online which cuts down on the chance for attempted romance. If we still lived close by I could no longer be friends with him, as what I was willing to put up as a young woman, hints and the knowledge that he wants more than I do, would no longer be acceptable to me. Haven't tried to befriend a man in a long time, because I KNOW what straight men want from women and it is NOT friendship.

Oh I should say women they find attractive, or acceptable as a sexual partner. If a man finds you absolutely totally sexually repulsive it is possible he might be able to be friends with you, I suppose.

And no, there's nothing sad about this, and it's not weird, strange, bizarre or anything else, just clear eyed. There are shit tons of women out there to be friends with, fortunately.

There are (almost certainly) no straight men who are "friends" with straight women who would not have sex with them if it was on offer/possible. I mean, I suppose there might be one in a million, but it's safe to assume that the man they want to befriend is not that one in a million.

it seems some women do manage to trick themselves into thinking men are their friends though - but not for long, usually.

When I was young I'd briefly made the same claim to my mother when she pointed out that James had a crush on me. Oh no we're just friends mum! Wisely, she let it go.In past years, I have heard my daughters make these claims. I told them the truth, kindly and matter of factly, and then left it.

As they enter their mid 20s, they are no longer trying to hang out with men as friends. I haven't asked why, no need to say I told you so, we all have to learn.

There are studies backing this up, but all I need is once source: reality and observation.

"The results suggest large gender differences in how men and women experience opposite-sex friendships. Men were much more attracted to their female friends than vice versa. Men were also more likely than women to think that their opposite-sex friends were attracted to them—a clearly misguided belief. In fact, men’s estimates of how attractive they were to their female friends had virtually nothing to do with how these women actually felt, and almost everything to do with how the men themselves felt—basically, males assumed that any romantic attraction they experienced was mutual, and were blind to the actual level of romantic interest felt by their female friends. Women, too, were blind to the mindset of their opposite-sex friends; because females generally were not attracted to their male friends, they assumed that this lack of attraction was mutual. As a result, men consistently overestimated the level of attraction felt by their female friends and women consistently underestimated the level of attraction felt by their male friends."

https: // www dot scientificamerican cot com/article/men-and-women-cant-be-just-friends/

psycnet dot apa dot org/record/2012-23628-001

Allseeingallknowing · 16/04/2026 13:50

Safaribar · 11/07/2025 20:22

Yeah, but a 23 and 44 year old? Bit of an age gap. Other way around I get but most women wouldn't have much in common with a 23 year old in their mid 40s.

Why do you get it the other way round? It’s the same surely, or is it dirty old man or a cougar?

Allseeingallknowing · 16/04/2026 13:51

TheOriginalEmu · 13/07/2025 02:31

I’ve shared hotel rooms with male friends plenty of times at gigs. It’s never been anything dodgy. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Never mind

Allseeingallknowing · 16/04/2026 13:51

OP I think you know that this was unacceptable!

Allseeingallknowing · 16/04/2026 13:53

JLou08 · 11/07/2025 20:16

I'm younger than 44 and would not see a 23 yo in a sexual way. I wouldn't have been attracted to someone in their 40s at 23 either. I do know some people do have relationships with such big age gaps but the twin beds also makes it sound like it was innocent.

Twin beds,double bed, same thing!

TheOriginalEmu · 17/04/2026 07:58

Allseeingallknowing · 16/04/2026 13:51

Never mind

never mind what?

Allseeingallknowing · 17/04/2026 13:14

TheOriginalEmu · 17/04/2026 07:58

never mind what?

Were you hoping some would happen?

nomas · 17/04/2026 13:18

Her age and weight are irrelevant, what he did was disrespectful, dump him.

TheOriginalEmu · 19/04/2026 18:22

Allseeingallknowing · 17/04/2026 13:14

Were you hoping some would happen?

What the fuck are you talking about?
No. I have shared beds with friends of any and all sexes. We are friends. We sleep. The end.

Allseeingallknowing · 19/04/2026 20:47

TheOriginalEmu · 19/04/2026 18:22

What the fuck are you talking about?
No. I have shared beds with friends of any and all sexes. We are friends. We sleep. The end.

I’d say that’s rather unusual!

TheOriginalEmu · 20/04/2026 16:51

Allseeingallknowing · 19/04/2026 20:47

I’d say that’s rather unusual!

It’s perfectly normal in the people I know. 🤷‍♂️

SparklyGlitterballs · 20/04/2026 17:01

Allseeingallknowing · 16/04/2026 13:50

Why do you get it the other way round? It’s the same surely, or is it dirty old man or a cougar?

It's the OP that's 23. She hasn't revealed how old her BF is. He could be nearer the 44yo woman's age for all we know.

Tekknonan · 20/04/2026 17:02

I've shared twin hotel rooms with male friends with no sex involved or any intention of sex. It really depends on whether you trust him. These were men of my own age that I knew very well - too well to think of as other than brothers really. I'm not sure I'd want to spend the night in the same room as a man in his 20s, tbh.

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