Boyfriend sharing hotel room for two nights with female "friend"

[Challenger2A7]

I'm 23, and my boyfriend of 3 years has just spent two nights in a London hotel with a woman he says is just a friend. They were going to a big concert together, and she's 44. I don't like this, and I didn't know about it until now. He says it was just to save money. The woman has been married for 20 years, but I don't know what her husband thinks, or if he even knows or cares, but AIBU to wonder if my boyfriend really thinks anything of me? I should add that they shared a twin-bedded room.

If I was her husband I’d be getting her a room of her own. Sharing with a spritely young 23 year old? No chance. 😂

I wouldn’t be happy OP. Him keeping this from you means he knows it’s wrong and for me this would be a capital offence (dump him).

I think the red flag is the secrecy. I think you should end it. You dont need to put up with this shit.

What?!?

Youd feel entitled to decide where and how she is going to spend those couple of nights away? Up to the point of ‘getting her a room’ Wo asking her first.
Thats very controlling.

If my dh was doing that to me, I’d be inclined to tell him to fuck off and share the room even more.

It’s a joke, that’s why there’s a laughing emoji. I’m a woman and I don’t have a wife. I wouldn’t share a room with a man who wasn’t my husband though because I wouldn’t want him to be doing that to me.

I disagree with this. I share a room with my platonic male friend when we go on holiday. My boyfriend doesn’t care. If someone’s going to cheat, they will. They don’t need a hotel room.

I have never touched my platonic friend. Never thought about it, never been tempted. I wouldn’t be pleased it my partner started to accuse me of being unable to control myself.

We normally sleep in the beds, one of us would go in the bathroom to get showered and dressed in the morning, then wait downstairs or on the balcony for the other person to also get showered and dressed. It’s fine.

Give over.
It’s perfectly reasonable for a spouse to take issue with their partner sharing a hotel room with a friend of the opposite sex.
It’s not controlling at all.
They’re healthy boundaries.

It’s the fact you found out afterwards that is the weirdest thing. Your boyfriend didn’t respect you enough to mention once that he was sharing the nights with another woman in his room.

I don’t care if they didn’t do anything, I’d break up with him over this.

I know it’s a wild concept - but the majority of married couples wouldn’t be happy with their other half staying the night with people from the opposite gender and not finding out until after they’d shared the room together.

It's disrespectful to you.

Sorry but I'd be out. You only have his word on her age too right? And young men mad chase older women btw. I can't move at 36 for 23 year olds trying their luck every time I'm on online dating.

Even if nothing happened, it's never ok for a man to share a bedroom with another women whilst in a relationship. There's no excuse. Bin him off.

Oh you don't actually think I made up these extremely common words do you?

That's even funnier than you having a triggered meltdown because you recognised yourself and I'd already pre empted your misogynistic attempts to scream me into silence 😅😂😆

Correct, but in mumsnetland we are often supposed to pretend that absolutely normal, standard, accepted behaviours feelings and facts are somehow strange because - er, reasons.

Agreed. I've only ever shared a hotel room with my mum, my sister, female friends on holiday or a romantic partner.

I feel as if im in the twilight zone here. Of course it's unacceptable.

Mumsnetters seem to think hotel rooms cost about 50p. People are always saying 'x should just get a hotel room, as if doing that doesn't make some trips impractically expensive'

Even a premier inn is over a hundred pounds a night these days. Not in a prime location too.

If 'pickmeishas' is an extremely common word, I've clearly been living under a rock as I've never seen it before in my life.

No idea what the rest of your post means, sorry.

Exactly! It would stop you doing stuff

Yes, if there is a big show on then prices rocket. So this is the cost of going to see some show or performance.
No matter the challenges of cost, to have shared a room without telling someone first is just downright suspicious...

Putting aside the relationship and moral issues here, why is it ‘embarrassing’ for him to be “…chasing a nearing half a decade old married woman”?

Having such an ageist and misogynist mindset is embarrassing.

You can’t just “put aside the relationship and moral issues” at hand for you to be able to project your own insecurities onto the next person.

Now that, is both selfish of you and embarrassing.

I amused shade a twin room with my male bestie. We would piss ourselves laughing if anyone thought we were having sex. However I wouldn’t keep it a secret (because I have nothing to hide and my husband isn’t jealous).

bloody typos. I’m on strong meds. Hope you can work out what I meant

Pretty much this.
If you can’t drive to a show and back, and a hotel room has to be factored into the trip, and you can’t afford your own hotel room, well, you can’t afford to go 🤷🏻‍♀️

Thank you for calling a lot of women on this site c*&t. Very telling of your emotional intelligence!

If it gives you any comfort, I’m 44 and I do not in the slightest find men your boyfriend’s age interesting. There would be zero in common.

Your boyfriend is 7 years older then my oldest son. I would see him as a child.

Saying that though you’re within your rights to ask questions about arrangements.