Boyfriend sharing hotel room for two nights with female "friend"

[Challenger2A7]

I'm 23, and my boyfriend of 3 years has just spent two nights in a London hotel with a woman he says is just a friend. They were going to a big concert together, and she's 44. I don't like this, and I didn't know about it until now. He says it was just to save money. The woman has been married for 20 years, but I don't know what her husband thinks, or if he even knows or cares, but AIBU to wonder if my boyfriend really thinks anything of me? I should add that they shared a twin-bedded room.

It's weird no matter how many come on and say they share hotel rooms with male friends and it's purely platonic. You'll get people on here who say they walk around naked in front of and sleep in the same bed as their male bestie and everyone's cool with that. Bollocks.
I think to share a hotel room with anyone, male or female you have to be close
and comfortable around each other. You're sleeping next to someone, being undressed around them and using the bathroom with zero privacy. There's also the fact she's a lot older so it is unusual if she's ok with doing all that in close proximity to a young guy. If it is platonic, then boundaries have been crossed and they are over familiar with each other. It's normal to not feel alright about this and for you to have boundaries on what you're willing to put up with.

Has anyone actually said they walk around their male best friend naked and it’s purely platonic on this thread? I don’t think I have seen it.

Some posters have said they would share a room with a male friend but would be fully open about it with patterns so the secrecy is worrying.

Of course YANBU. I don't believe anyone would be happy with this, given the not telling you situation.

How did you find out?

Crossed a line 100 percent .. every right to feel uncomfortable about it .
You only share a room with someone you are very comfortable with ..
Not saying they slept together but the boundaries in your relationship have been crossed because of how it's made you feel unsure .. take that as a sign your gut is trying to tell you something.
Your young move on from him it's not worth the seed that this will plant in your head x

I don't know why their ages are relevant.

People don't share hotel rooms with the opposite sex unless they are intimate, or are siblings.

People who are in relationships with somebody of the opposite sex don't share a hotel room with a non-relative of the opposite sex under any circumstances, because it's extremely disrespectful to their partner.

The not telling you was wrong, but males and females can share rooms without sex being involved. 🤷‍♀️

It’s not automatic 🙄

I'm pretty chill but I wouldn't like this. I trust my partner completely but would still hate it.

Likewise, I trust myself not to cheat but wouldn't share a room with a man, it just doesn't sit right.

It's more about the not telling.

It's just respectful to discuss in advance and ask your partner if they are okay with it - which I'm guessing a high proportion would not be, unless they knew the other woman well and were confident there was nothing to worry about.

Not cool. Regardless of whether he cheated it’s disrespectful and dishonest. That would be enough for me to end it. Especially at 23 years old (presumably without children?). If he realises the error of his ways and does enough to prove nothing happened and get you back in the future then you can start afresh with clear boundaries. But you need to be willing to walk away or he will take this as a green light that this type of behaviour is acceptable in a relationship. People very rarely learn without consequences. Don’t be in this situation again.

Shes probably not married hes just saying that

Nope 👎🏻

They’re not skint teenagers. They can afford a room each.

I could absolutely trust my partner to stay in a room with a female friend. However, he absolutely would not even consider it out of respect for me.

My best friend growing up was a male and our relationship was purely platonic on both sides so Im on the team that men and women can totally be friends without there being any more to it.

The fact you've only just found out about the room situation screams red flag though

Sure, but it's unusual, and even more unusual when straight and in a relationship.

Completely agree. I have male and female friends and wouldn't think twice about saving money for twin bed hotel room. You get changed in the loo and wear a little bit more than you normally would - but I think absolutely fine. The secrecy would worry me more than the actual hotel itself.

I'm in my 50s and I couldn't afford a hotel room anywhere at the moment. If I could save money another way I would do it.

Complete disrespect and I wouldn’t trust this. The fact he hid it from you until now? Nope. Regardless of if something happened or not he is not showing you care or respect. I

It’s the hiding that’s the issue for me - if they had both been open and asked ahead - hey this will save us xxxx is it ok with you - then I would be fine

Yup, as a cost saving exercise with friends its great. Wasn’t anything funny going on. It was literally just a place to rest our heads, shower and then get out again. Got in very late and left early. Saved so much money this way.

As said, issue is BF should have been open about this and that’s the only thing I’d find sus not necessarily the arrangement itself.

I share with my best friend who is male. But he’s also gay, and we have been friends since childhood. He also has a significant disability which means sharing a room is a more practical option

I’m another one who would see no issue with sharing a room with a friend.
And has done so in the past (and nothing happened ever!)

I would have more issues with him not mentioning it until after the fact tbh.

Also the 20 years age difference. No it doesn’t mean it wouldn’t happen.
But it would make me uncomfortable. Both from the woman’s PoV. Or from your partner’s pov.

Then, presumably, you wouldn’t be able to afford to go to a concert…

What a silly comment - I would just keep the cost down by either sharing a room or going home afterwards!

😂I know! How have we managed to keep our hands off all those unavailable men all our lives!

It would be at the cost of your relationship.

I think that you not being told before the fact is odd.
I get saving money, and have stayed with friends of same sex in hotel rooms.
But to do it, not tell you until after, is just suspicious...