Boyfriend sharing hotel room for two nights with female "friend"

[Challenger2A7]

I'm 23, and my boyfriend of 3 years has just spent two nights in a London hotel with a woman he says is just a friend. They were going to a big concert together, and she's 44. I don't like this, and I didn't know about it until now. He says it was just to save money. The woman has been married for 20 years, but I don't know what her husband thinks, or if he even knows or cares, but AIBU to wonder if my boyfriend really thinks anything of me? I should add that they shared a twin-bedded room.

You had me until fat. Fattist, are you?🤔🙄😕

Some men like big women and she’s probably not always loud.

Some men like a hassle free shag.
Some men might have a fantasy of having sex with a large women but prefer a relationship with a slimmer woman. This could be your BF.

I’d bin him purely for the secrecy and weirdness of it all.

Fattist isn’t a thing 😂

Well not really. Have you never stayed in a hostel ( or even know how they work)

I've shared hotel rooms perfectly platonically with male friends before. Was no big deal. Usually after a gig/ concert when room prices were Inflated. Showered and dressed in a locked bathroom. Hardly very intimate

Might've had an issue with it when I was as young as the OP though

Think it's the not finding out till after is the issue

Funnily enough, I first saw it used on MN.

From Collins English dictionary:

Assuming he’s your age, she’s at least 20 years older. Is he likely to go for someone old enough to be his mum, (and fat, as you said)?

He should’ve told you the arrangements but it doesn’t have to be a deal breaker if you don’t want it to be.

My DD does this with her friends. Nothing in it they're friends.

I would not get upset about it but I would be upset he didn't tell you cos intentionally withholding info like that looks suss even if it isnt.

@Challenger2A7 OP it is extremely rare and unusual for women to randomly have intimate relations with male friends or acquaintances. It is even more rare and unusual for a married woman to do so with a man who is 20 years younger.

I think you are overreacting.

Oh dear...

Maybe he likes her because she's less judgemental than his mean girl girlfriend...

Oh, charming.

Well I was sympathetic to you OP but your unpleasantness here is rather off putting.

Ignoring the language used to describe her (guess you are hurting and it’s easier to be vile about her rather than the person that you are in a relationship with), surely he booked the room when he booked the tickets? That (or when planning even) was the time to mention it.

I’ve shared a twin room with a male friend before, and even had to spend a night in a double with him once. Managed not to fall onto his knob on any of the occasions.

It entirely depends on their friendship OP. The not telling you is a bit weird.

Years ago, in a bad snowstorm, I had to share a room with a friend of DH's.

There was no possibility of him getting home, so we shrugged our shoulders and went to sleep. There wasn't actually any other option.

We didn't fancy each other although we were friends, and I wouldn't have been unfaithful to my DH anyway.

As a fat woman in her 40s, you’re seriously underestimating us.

Ha! I am a fat woman in her 60s.

Well, maybe not now, as I've lost 8st.

Even if you are close friends, you don’t normally share a hotel room….

Yeah. She’s probably better company than OP ;)

Sorry OP, I think you lost a lot of us with your last post.

My dad has a lot of male friends with whom she shares rents, bedrooms, even beds(if it’s a large one). She seems to think it’s no problem, nothing happens, they really are just mates saving money.

As she has shared her room with quite a few a few guys, and I can hear every sound, I can say that nothing untoward does seem to happen and she is telling the truth. So I do believe her and I stopped worrying about it years ago.

it doesn’t sound to me like a problem tbh. How much do you trust you do? That’s really what it comes down to.

Eh? Lots of close friends share hotel rooms. Especially somewhere as expensive as London.

This could be completely innocent does seem very odd that you weren't informed. However Some lads like older/ well shaped ladies. It's possible she could potentially be a "cougar" her husband may also be involved. Ascertaining exactly what the husband knows would be a good move. Then see where you're at. What has you're BF said about it all?definitely sounds like you need a conversation with him aswell.

I absolutely love this response!

Surely it would be a red flag!

If it was innocent he would have told you before it happened. Regardless of whether or not anything happened, he knows it looks dodgy which is why he didn't tell you beforehand.

How would he feel if you shared a room with one of your male friends, OP?