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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DH to no go away for weekend

206 replies

Pt4ever · 07/07/2025 10:50

Hello,

I'll keep it brief.

DH is going away to an event in a few weeks for a night away I've no interest in the event (airshow 🙄🥱🥱) he went last year and had another weekend away doing something else in the winter of 2024

We've one DS who he's arranged childcare for with ho parents and worked overtime to pay for all travel/ hotel and tickets. I just feel like I don't really get a chance to go away for my hobbies, he's always said I can go away and we can afford it but it feels weird me up and going away for the weekend.

To ask him not to go? How would I explain it?

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 07/07/2025 10:53

You’re being totally unreasonable
You need to work out why YOU don’t want time away for your hobbies and so want to curtail your DH’s
he’s paid for it, sorted childcare - why don’t you do something for yourself that weekend?

itsobviousright · 07/07/2025 10:53

Why don't you want him to go? Because you feel weird going away even though hes supportive and keen for you to do so? You are being very unreasonable - he's sorted childcare and worked extra so he's not using family funds for his trip - that's great of him. Wave him off happily and sit with some self reflection - maybe you need to widen your horizons and find you again

Icanttakethisanymore · 07/07/2025 10:53

I wouldn't ask him not to go because you can't explain it without sounding very unreasonable IMO. You don't want to go away so he can't either... is basically what you are saying. That's unreasonable.

19lottie82 · 07/07/2025 10:54

YABVVU. Let him go and then you are owed a night away doing something that you want to do. Why should he never get to do anything he wants because “you feel weird” about going away for the weekend?

if this was the other way around he would be called controlling.

PullingOutHair123 · 07/07/2025 10:54

Unless there is a lot more to this, you are being totally unreasonable.

2 weekends away in a year does not seem unreasonable, and you could go away if you wanted to - you are just choosing not to for some reason.

He has even organised child care, although unclear why you couldn't manage for a weekend?

diterictur · 07/07/2025 10:55

How old is your DS? Why do you need help from grandparents to look after one child? Is there any additional context like you being disabled or the child having additional needs?

If there's nothing more to it, sorry I think you're being ridiculous. Going away a couple of weekends a year is nothing. It's normal and healthy to spend time away pursuing your own interests.

It's unreasonable to whinge about wanting to do it yourself when he has said you can..

BumpyaDaisyevna · 07/07/2025 10:55

Yabu! He’s sorted the childcare and worked extra to pay for it! He’s says he’ll support you to have your time away.

YogaLite · 07/07/2025 10:56

U could still go away together and u could explore the area away from the airshow?

Arlanymor · 07/07/2025 10:56

I don't get this, sorry. He's done everything to take the strain off you - it's not his fault you don't like his hobby. You probably need to find better ways to occupy your time, but don't take it out on him. He's not away every weekend, it's very rare for him to have time for himself, so why would you spoil or begrudge it?

TomatoSandwiches · 07/07/2025 10:56

You literally have no reason to ask him yo not go, what's wrong with you?

Poopeepoopee · 07/07/2025 10:57

As the others have said - YABU

When was the last time you took him for a pint to show your appreciation for everything he does?

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 07/07/2025 10:57

What? Why would you ask him not to go?
I don’t understand

Blurrywateryeye · 07/07/2025 10:57

If you find it weird to go away that’s on you, you’re being unreasonable to think your husband shouldn’t go. Childcare isn’t an issue, so what is the issue? You seem controlling.

BendingSpoons · 07/07/2025 10:57

He's paid for it and arranged childcare. It appears to be twice a year for 1 or 2 nights? That seems reasonable to me.

If you don't want to go away, is there something else you would like instead? Would you like DH to take your DC out or to stay at his parents to give you peace and quiet? Would you just like a lie in and the chance to potter around the shops?

It seems unfair to say 'I don't want you to go because I don't want to do the same'.

ComtesseDeSpair · 07/07/2025 10:58

He’s arranged childcare for DS - this sounds like the opportunity you want to go away for your hobby / with a friend / so whatever you want.

If he were away every weekend then he’d be being unreasonable, but a handful of times a year is perfectly healthy and what we should all aim to be doing when we can.

DarkForces · 07/07/2025 10:59

If dh tried to stop me going away for the odd weekend that I was funding and had arranged childcare for I'd leave him. In fact I wouldn't arrange childcare. He's perfectly capable and I'd pay for it out the joint account. As he would too. Time doing stuff you enjoy and having freedom is essential and he's hardly away at all based on what you've said here.

Seawolves · 07/07/2025 10:59

I don't understand why you want him to not go, is there something more to this?

PeapodMcgee · 07/07/2025 11:00

Nobody receives a medal for acting the martyr. Don't try to drag him down too. You are being highly unreasonable.

Topjoe19 · 07/07/2025 11:01

You need to explain why you want to ask him not to go. Because from your post I can't think of a single reason why you are bothered about him going?

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 07/07/2025 11:01

He can't go because you would feel weird going? Even though he encourages you to do so?

Nope. I don't see the logic

YABSU

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 07/07/2025 11:02

And you do get chance. You just don't take it

justaddittothelist · 07/07/2025 11:02

This reads like a reverse.....

PeapodMcgee · 07/07/2025 11:04

justaddittothelist · 07/07/2025 11:02

This reads like a reverse.....

Yes that's just what I thought. Very controlling and un self-aware behaviour otherwise.

MammaTo · 07/07/2025 11:04

Is this a wind up?

DecayedStrumpet · 07/07/2025 11:05

Yup, is this a reverse?
Would be most unusual for a DH to arrange childcare before going away for the weekend unless DW has major physical or mental difficulties