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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DH to no go away for weekend

206 replies

Pt4ever · 07/07/2025 10:50

Hello,

I'll keep it brief.

DH is going away to an event in a few weeks for a night away I've no interest in the event (airshow 🙄🥱🥱) he went last year and had another weekend away doing something else in the winter of 2024

We've one DS who he's arranged childcare for with ho parents and worked overtime to pay for all travel/ hotel and tickets. I just feel like I don't really get a chance to go away for my hobbies, he's always said I can go away and we can afford it but it feels weird me up and going away for the weekend.

To ask him not to go? How would I explain it?

OP posts:
Planesmistakenforstars · 07/07/2025 11:35

Unless the weekend away for "something else" was an orgy, then you are massively unreasonable. The fact that you won't take time away for your hobby is a you problem. He sounds like he's been thoughtful and responsible in making this happen - earning additional money rather than from the family pot, sorting childcare so you're not managing alone, supporting you to do the same.

andanotherproblem · 07/07/2025 11:36

No that’s unreasonable, you don’t go away because you don’t want to, not because you can’t. If he’s already arranged childcare then why don’t you book somewhere to go? Don’t ruin his fun because of your own fears

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 07/07/2025 11:36

@Pt4ever what is weird is the fact that dh has had to arrange childcare for your son????? can you not look after your own son???

Bobnobob · 07/07/2025 11:36

This is written in a way that’s biased towards us siding with the husband. Would be interesting to get the actual wife’s perspective…

EveryDayisFriday · 07/07/2025 11:37

This feels like a reverse because it's so unreasonable OP. Why can't you do the same whenever you want?

VickyEadieofThigh · 07/07/2025 11:40

How do you "not get a chance" to go away for your hobbies? He's supportive and encouraging of it.

Of all the downright unreasonable posts I've seen on here, yours is right up there with the worst of them.

Aria2015 · 07/07/2025 11:40

You're being totally unreasonable. Everyone deserves the opportunity to get away and do something they enjoy. He's said you can do the same or an equivalent and so it's not like there is one rule for him and one for you, you're just choosing not to take him up on it. My dh goes away a couple of times a year for a hobby. I don't have an equivalent hobby, but will go visit a friend for a couple of nights as break instead. Even though overall I probably don't do as much as dh in terms of hobby / going away, I don't begrudge him doing it. He enjoys it and is happier for it and so I support him going it.

ilovepixie · 07/07/2025 11:40

You can do things without a man you know. Have a weekend away with friends or stay at home and have a pamper weekend.

SummerInSun · 07/07/2025 11:41

Agree this feels like a reverse. If it’s actually posted by a mum whose DH is objecting to her having the occasional weekend to enjoy a hobby, you are vindicated by these responses. Even if your DH doesn’t want time away, he shouldn’t be objecting to you having two days to do something for yourself. And he shouldn’t need grandparents to step in. He should be looking forward to some special one on one time with his child and trying to think of something extra nice to do while you are away.

Alacartemenu · 07/07/2025 11:43

Is this a tedious reverse?

neilyoungismyhero · 07/07/2025 11:45

This can't be real.

OutingHobbyWife · 07/07/2025 11:46

As per name, dh has an outing hobby (not cycling or golf!) which takes him away most weekends during the summer months. Plus occasional events/weekends outside of that. Sometimes he takes dc, sometimes not.

I wouldn't begin to think of stopping him just because I can't/don't want to go away too!

Disturbia81 · 07/07/2025 11:47

100% reverse, can tell by how it’s worded. The person who doesn’t go away by themselves, needs to start doing it.

OutingHobbyWife · 07/07/2025 11:48

VickyEadieofThigh · 07/07/2025 11:40

How do you "not get a chance" to go away for your hobbies? He's supportive and encouraging of it.

Of all the downright unreasonable posts I've seen on here, yours is right up there with the worst of them.

Seems from the op that she does get the chance, she doesn't doesn't actually want to (feels 'weird' about it).

Bimblebombles · 07/07/2025 11:53

I don't see the problem here.

My DP and I both go away occasionally for short breaks by ourselves (we have 1 child). I go to London usually once a year, or to Europe for a couple of nights with friends, and he goes away for a few days at at time connected to his hobby. It recharges us so much. Its so important to have your own life outside of just being a parent. We're very hands on the rest of the time with DD - we're with her pre / post school every day as we both only work during school hours. We don't have a lot of family support around us, so getting that bit of a break while the other parent looks after DD is so key to keeping sane! I actively encourage my DP to have his breaks away. We are better parents for having a bit of breathing space occasionally and its good for our relationship too, otherwise what do you have to talk about if you both don't have separate experiences sometimes?

Imisscoffee2021 · 07/07/2025 11:56

It cant be explained reasonably because its an unreasonable request. It's healthy to have time to yourself and he's adequately covered financially and with help with your child. If you don't want to go away because it feels wierd then you don't go away, but you don't stop your husband going away. Three nights away in two years doesn't seem much to ask.

Noshadelamp · 07/07/2025 12:02

In case it's not a reverse, yabu expecting him to not go away just because you won't.

You both should be able to go away on your own without jumping through hoops arranging childcare etc

Newnameshoos · 07/07/2025 12:03

My partner is currently in the air to see university friends who live in Europe. They've gone for a week. There's nothing to stop me from going away for a week or even a weekend doing something for me, but I go away with work several times a year and it's just nice to have the house to myself.
I'm sensing that you're a bit resentful of your DH going away and you being left at home, and that you're not going to appreciate quiet bliss like me!
I think you need to try to work out why you feel that you can't go away for your hobbies. From what you've put, there's no real barrier stopping you in terms of finance or your DH having a strop if you go.

Noshadelamp · 07/07/2025 12:04

Disturbia81 · 07/07/2025 11:47

100% reverse, can tell by how it’s worded. The person who doesn’t go away by themselves, needs to start doing it.

And the fact that the "DH" has arranged childcare, that feels like a hoop the mother would have to jump through to make it easier for the man.
Huge generalisation I know but seems to be a common theme where the woman makes it as easy as possible for the man-baby just so she can have a few hours to herself.

whitewineandsun · 07/07/2025 12:04

Are you serious? He can't go because you don't want to? YABVU.

Vaxtable · 07/07/2025 12:05

You are so unreasonable I am speechless. He’s going away and sorted childcare for you so you have a whole weekend to yourself!

Go away yourself, or do a couple of courses local to you then

whitewineandsun · 07/07/2025 12:05

And reverses should be banned.

flowersandfoil · 07/07/2025 12:07

This can’t be real

DorothyStorm · 07/07/2025 12:08

Yabu. And a martyr. And using that to be controlling. Go away.

also, why did he need to arrange childcare for your child? Unless you are working that weekend, why can’t you parent your child.

noidea69 · 07/07/2025 12:09

justaddittothelist · 07/07/2025 11:02

This reads like a reverse.....

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