To ask DH to no go away for weekend

[Pt4ever]

Hello,

I'll keep it brief.

DH is going away to an event in a few weeks for a night away I've no interest in the event (airshow 🙄🥱🥱) he went last year and had another weekend away doing something else in the winter of 2024

We've one DS who he's arranged childcare for with ho parents and worked overtime to pay for all travel/ hotel and tickets. I just feel like I don't really get a chance to go away for my hobbies, he's always said I can go away and we can afford it but it feels weird me up and going away for the weekend.

To ask him not to go? How would I explain it?

I would be happy to see my DH having a break away as long as I knew exactly what it entailed. I certainly wouldn't agree if it was with another woman who happened to love an airshow & her DH felt the same as you.

Normally with the husband going away for weekends, it's a LTB situation, but in your case, he's done everything he can to minimise any burden on you, and he's encouraging you to go away for your hobbies. Why wouldn't you take him at face value and jump at the chance?

He's more than happy for you to get a weekend away too (as he should be of course). It's YOU who says you feel weird about it, so it's you stopping yourself from going. Why should he miss out because you feel weird about going yourself?

Unless this is a reverse, I don’t understand it at all. Of course you would extremely unreasonable asking him not to go, based on the fact you never want to do anything. He has even worked overtime etc to pay so the family everyday budget is not impacted!

No idea why he had to arrange childcare though? It’s one weekend, roughly twice a year seemingly? Are you incapable of looking after your one child for one weekend, and if so, are SN involved for you or the child?

You are being extremely unreasonable. He’s entitled to a life and hobbies, outside the family, as are you. Why on earth would you not be pleased for him getting to do something he’s planned, worked hard to pay for, made all the arrangements for, and reasonably encouraged you to do the same. Sure you could even have gone. Do you want him to sit home and be miserable? This is the most selfish suggestion I’ve seen on MN for a while.

I don’t understand this post. If it were me in your husbands situation I wouldn’t have arranged childcare I would have expected the other parent to look after the child. Unless there is more to this story on the basis of what you have written this is very unreasonable behaviour on your part

YABVU and I’m also confused as to why your DH has had to arrange child care are you incapable of looking after your child alone?
He’s going away for a 1 weekend that he’s worked overtime to cover it and arranged child care and your being a jealous CF.
He has even offered to pay for you to go away and do whatever hobbies you want to do but you don’t want to do that either sounds to me like you need to get a grip.

Don’t you trust him? I personally think it’s really healthy to pursue different interests within a marriage so don’t see any issue with what he wants to do. I think you’re being very immature. I don’t go away so you can’t. He’s clearly not stopping you, you just don’t want to. Why does he have to miss out just because you choose to?

He’s done everything right!

Arranged childcare ✅
Given you several weeks’ notice ✅
Did overtime to pay for it ✅

It sounds like you don’t have a life and you don’t want him to have one either.

You’re after a divorce I take it?! Because you’re acting like you want one! Why can’t he go if he’s a good guy why not? He’ll resent you if you force him to stay at home. Grow up and make a life for yourself too!

Don't tell him not to go, book something for you, with a friend. If you don't have a friend or relative to go with, get yourself off on a singles weekend - meet new people, see some of the places in the country that you haven't seen before. You have a child, teach them that it's OK to enjoy your own company and show a bit of resilience!

Sorry but it sounds utterly selfish. You don't want to go because it's not your thing so don't. Don't put it on him and emotionally blackmail him into not going or feeling bad for going. My husband works away for 10 days at a time twice a year and it's exhausting with the kids. He also has a night away every 3-4mths. I have 2 ASD ADHD kids and one complex needs ASD kid so I know how hard it can be but I do it. I also go away for the odd couple of nights with my sister and our girls night in friend group every 3/4mths and he has all the kids then. I'm sure we all feel the same as in feck sake I don't know how I'll cope and omg it's going to be hard to do this but we do it. We come back mentally recharged to go again. Do what he says and do something for you without your child. Don't make it all about you when he's doing something for him as it really does help with mental health and helps us in the long run.

Well it may not be right to do that but the truth is that you have this uneasy feeling. So take some time to understand why that is. Get a notebook and start writing about it. Keep writing and writing until you start to understand it and yourself better. It might take a good few pages, just keep going.

Kiddies .. didn't fancy my life being taken over ☺️

So he has worked overtime to pay for this trip. His parents are looking after your child and you want to stop him going? You sound like a bit of a twat to be honest.

Explain to him that you're jealous and controlling and that you don't want him to go.

You are being spectacularly unreasonable, OP. He has even arranged childcare - why can't you do it?
Your husband is entitled to go away, and obviously you can't ask him not to go. If you want to do something, just book it - either by yourself or with a friend. I don't understand why you think it's such a big deal, tbh.

OP, doesn’t even have to go away. DH is away one night, OP will be child free and can invite a friend over, crack open a bottle of wine and have a lovely chilled evening.

What on earth is "weird" about going away?

I imagine OPs not coming back since she didn’t get the response she wanted. She sounds quite immature tbh and agree not sure what the issue even is here!

This is a very weird post. Why would DH have to organise childcare in order to go to an airshow? Why don't you and DS go too? They are family events and great fun for kids, try it next time.
He's said you can go away for your hobbies if you want to- do you have any hobbies? Or friends/family to visit or go away with? You don't have to do everything together.
Why are you unhappy about DH going away overnight?

I would look into if there's any good sightseeing activities close to their air show and go off and do my own thing. Alternatively, if you have a childcare, why not make plans with a friend or just plan a chilled weekend and make the most of having the house to yourself? It sounds like you have a decent DH if he's arranged childcare and not assumed you'll do it!

As others have said, he has said you should go away, you don’t want to. If he was going away constantly then yes you would have a very good point, but it sounds like it is only 2-3 times a year?

Yabu and why does your child need childcare? Are you working? What would your usual childcare be? Or has he done this so you can also have a break while he’s away? If so then he’s a sweetie and you should make the most of it. See friends, have a spa weekend, or even just have a tv or movie binge with a bottle of wine and your favourite takeaway.
If you have hobbies you want to go away somewhere for then do it.
Does him going away mean you can’t go away for something to do with your hobby are are you just speaking generally? If you mean something specific that you have to miss out on in order for him to do this then then that is unfair, but I feel like you are just having a general moan rather than talking specifics.

So bizarre, are you not ashamed of typing this to people? He’s worked extra to pay for it, arranged childcare too? Just because you have no hobbies doesn’t mean he shouldn’t! I have no hobbies, but my partner does, he doesn’t arrange childcare whilst he’s away and he doesn’t work extra to make up the money; but I wouldn’t begrudge him that time! Please tell me this a reverse??