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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DH to no go away for weekend

206 replies

Pt4ever · 07/07/2025 10:50

Hello,

I'll keep it brief.

DH is going away to an event in a few weeks for a night away I've no interest in the event (airshow 🙄🥱🥱) he went last year and had another weekend away doing something else in the winter of 2024

We've one DS who he's arranged childcare for with ho parents and worked overtime to pay for all travel/ hotel and tickets. I just feel like I don't really get a chance to go away for my hobbies, he's always said I can go away and we can afford it but it feels weird me up and going away for the weekend.

To ask him not to go? How would I explain it?

OP posts:
TheLemonLemur · 07/07/2025 12:31

Surely a reverse? If not YABVVVU. He's worked overtime, arranged the childcare and tells u to go and do things for yourself but because you feel weird he should never go away without you ever again? It's quite normal to not spend every minute with each other and to have your own interests. You say you don't get a chance for your hobbies but you can you just don't want to

CandyCane457 · 07/07/2025 12:32

Massively unreasonable. Why should he miss out on a nice weekend away just because YOU don’t want to go on a separate weekend away too? That jsut sounds so controlling. Let him go. Not that he should need your permission.

dogcatkitten · 07/07/2025 12:37

Why not go, you might enjoy it and you could have a nice evening meal and if you don't go to the event you could go sight seeing or shopping and meet up later.

Rosecoffeecup · 07/07/2025 12:38

Surely this is a reverse

dijonketchup · 07/07/2025 12:39

Is there nowhere you want to go, OP? Friends you want to visit? Go walking? Spa day? Do a course you’re interested in? Day by the beach? It’s important for both parents to retain a sense of self and to remember what it’s like to do things by, with and for yourself.

ShamrockShenanigans · 07/07/2025 12:39

Rosecoffeecup · 07/07/2025 12:38

Surely this is a reverse

If it is, I wish HQ would ban them.

But yes, it sounds likely.

LaughingCat · 07/07/2025 12:41

The fact you’re asking an internet forum of strangers to help you explain your reaction reasonably to your DH, goes to show exactly how UNreasonable your reaction is. Even you can’t explain why you don’t want him to go.

Chill out - unless there’s a drip feed here where he never lets you go and do your own thing (which doesn't appear to be the case from your post), then he is the person with the healthy approach to your free time.

Go do your own thing as well - and maybe ask yourself why you feel weird or guilty about even thinking about doing that.

Rosebud987 · 07/07/2025 12:43

My husband is going to the exact same airshow. And it’s a big birthday for me that weekend. And I couldn’t care less he can go and enjoy it and I’ll enjoy a weekend of peace.

Luckyingame · 07/07/2025 12:47

Cherrytree86 · 07/07/2025 12:13

@Pt4ever

i agree Op, once you have kids you should never have a weekend away. Hobbies are for pre- children life. It’s just not what parents do.

Show quote history

Exactly, that's why I opted out from this. Would have opted out from a marriage as well, but the money and security were too good to let go. 😁

Funnywonder · 07/07/2025 12:47

YABU. Not only because it sounds as though you resent him having any sort of a life, but also because - who doesn’t want to go to an air show? OK, that last bit was lighthearted because I love air shows. But seriously, the man has done everything right. Leave him alone to enjoy his lovely air show.

Endofyear · 07/07/2025 12:48

Of course you shouldn't tell him not to go!! What's wrong with him having a weekend away? If you feel that it's unfair on you (no idea why you would feel that!) then book your own weekend away.

Don't be a clingy and possessive spouse - you will drive him away in the end.

AnxietySloth · 07/07/2025 12:50

Obvious reverse is obvious. And honestly I mis-trust reverses as they are always spun to get certain answers.

NerrSnerr · 07/07/2025 12:51

I think this must be a reverse. Why would he arrange childcare if there’s a parent at home? (Or if it’s a reverse why would you arrange childcare when dad’s at home). Bonkers.

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 07/07/2025 12:52

Foreverm0re · 07/07/2025 11:32

Why work over time and arrange child care for a weekend away on his own when you could actually go away somewhere together? (Not to an air show) weird.

Because he wants to go to the air show.

ilovesooty · 07/07/2025 12:54

OP not been back I see.

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 07/07/2025 12:54

Yep, this is one of those posts put out to wind everyone up or its a reverse.

No-one in their right mind would think it was unreasonable for their DH to go away for one sodding night. A night he has arranged childcare for and a night that he has saved hard for.

Here's a solution for you, he has arranged childcare, so go away for the night somewhere yourself while he is away. And you obviously DO get chance to go away and do things by yourself because he has told you you can so that is bullshit.

Channellingsophistication · 07/07/2025 12:54

This seems odd that he would arrange childcare if you are there? Also, if he wants to do something that you don't want to do, it's unreasonable for you to expect him not to do it.

If you wanted to go to a spa for the weekend and he didn't want to go, would you think it perfectly reasonable that you shouldnt go ?

this is not how a healthy relationship should work.

positivebutnegative · 07/07/2025 12:58

ilovesooty · 07/07/2025 12:54

OP not been back I see.

Of course not.

Blondebrownorred · 07/07/2025 13:04

What's the reason for him getting childcare when he's away?

LBFseBrom · 07/07/2025 13:06

rubyslippers · 07/07/2025 10:53

You’re being totally unreasonable
You need to work out why YOU don’t want time away for your hobbies and so want to curtail your DH’s
he’s paid for it, sorted childcare - why don’t you do something for yourself that weekend?

Or just enjoy a weekend to yourself? That would be bliss in my book. Going to an airshow is harmless enough, I know some people love that sort of thing and your husband obviously does. As long as your son is old enough to be away from you and likes being with grandparents, sounds like an opportunity for you to please yourself for once. You don't have to go away anywhere but you can go out, see friends, eat and sleep when you feel like it, treat yourself. Grab the opportunity, you won't have it that often.

Hollietree · 07/07/2025 13:09

Just because you don’t ever want to go away, does not mean that you should clip his wings.

gsiftpoffu · 07/07/2025 13:14

YABVU.
It's not like he's fucked off and not arranged childcare.
He's been careful to make sure you aren't inconvenienced by him going away for one night.

And then there's this:
"I just feel like I don't really get a chance to go away for my hobbies, he's always said I can go away and we can afford it but it feels weird me up and going away for the weekend."

He's offered you the chance to go away and yet you don't want to because it feels weird. What exactly do you want?

You don't get to stop him going away a couple of times a year just because you'd feel weird about going away.

I'd be saying something else if he just waltzed off without any consideration but he has arranged childcare and that means you'll have a free weekend at home which will be nice and he worked overtime to save the money rather than taking it out of the family pot.

Cherrytree86 · 07/07/2025 13:21

Luckyingame · 07/07/2025 12:47

Exactly, that's why I opted out from this. Would have opted out from a marriage as well, but the money and security were too good to let go. 😁

Show quote history

@Luckyingame
Opted out from what?

Ihopeyouhavent · 07/07/2025 13:22

You're a CF😂
Is this about the time the OP comes back and starts drip feeding about what a monster her DH is so we all start feeling sorry for her.

PolyVagalNerve · 07/07/2025 13:26

You sound weird …. Needy ? Dependant ?
controlling ?
I’m not sure what it is - but your reaction sounds off .

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