To want to kill myself over bedtime

[Whathaveidoneeeeee]

No seriously. I have 1 child, 2.5 years old. I am most definitely one and done. If it wasn't for bedtime I could have at least 1-2 more, but it's absolutely KILLING me. Currently 1 hour into incessant screaming and crying - it's the same shit every night. Then he wants another toy, then he wants me to correct his blanket, then he wants another hug, the list goes on. I've stopped (with kind and reassuring words) responding to all his requests, so he knows he can't demand as he pleases and nothing is getting better

I used to stay with him for bedtime, but was stuck for more than an hour every night. Have taught him to fall asleep on his own now but it's AT LEAST 1 hour of constant issues and it just feeds into the night so heavily it makes me so resentful

Excuse my language but HOW THE FUCK are y'all managing?! I'm losing my damn mind!!

Yep, hate bedtimes too with DS7.
mum, I need to tell you something
mum, I need a poo
mum, can you put my night light on
mum, see what I’ve drawn
mum, can we do reading
mum, can I give you a hug
arghhhhhhhhhh

Been in this position with my 4yo for the last couple of years. I’ve just accepted that bedtime takes over an hour and it’s part of my evening now 🤣 we have a baby now too so we alternate nights. I actually prefer the bedtime with my 4yo now because the other person has to put baby to bed and then tidy downstairs 🤣

As everyone says, we’ll miss it one day!

Have you considered a sleep consultant?
Does he have a father / other mother at home?

What he really wants is your attention. You know this.
Is he a bit over tired? Maybe bring bedtime forward 15 minutes.
Have a chat earlier in the day and say that the upset around bedtime isn't great and you're going to have a new start. Maybe a reward jar? Or sticker sheet and once there are 5? Stickers for good bedtime then he gets a small reward.
Tell him he gets to choose a toy before bedtime, but then no swaps, ditto all the other tactics..
I would never restrict affection or reassurance, but any other shenanigans were nipped in the bud (still felt like ages)
It will pass..

Is he exhausted enough? I read on MN someone doing a dance party type thing before bedtime that guaranteed the kids slept straightaway. I try to get mine to do lots of exercise in the day by walking everywhere rather than using the pram and also long hours in the park. I also try to make sure the naps are not too long. When I do this bedtimes are great but on the days I forget I can see they are just not tired enough and stay awake for ages.

The title is a bit much.

He's only 2. He's still very young. Can you sit with him until he falls asleep even if it is an hour. It will get less in time.

Trust me - I will NOT miss this! I feel so angry and anxious it makes me feel I am not sutied for this, and (as much as I absolutely love him to death and have never loved anyone like this) regret having him

Not giving you much hope but we are still here at 10

DD(7) had lights out over an hour ago. 10 minutes ago she came downstairs as she does nearly every chuffing night to claim she needs me to sit in her room so she "feels safe". So here I am, wasting another bloody evening watching her. If I leave she'll wind herself up and end up sobbing and then getting to sleep just takes longer.

Solidarity.

It is a bit much but I am genuinely struggling so bad, and ending a long day like this is beyond exhausting. Yesterday it was 2 hours. I am just losing it.

Newly singly mum for context but used to doing everything myself.

Writing this getting absolutely screamed at.

Does he nap?

I can confirm I absolutely do not miss it.
Mine are pretty good now, but that's only because I've gone through the years of getting so mad at snapping at them about its bed time. I don't care what you do in your room but that's where you need to be kind of thing.
Mama has other shit to do between the times of 7pm and 1am (particularly when I was solo parenting and taking care of all the animals, renovating the house on the evening, finding time to workout and cook my own dinner, whilst also getting up in the night at least 4 times to bf)
They now know that the only time I will accept them out of bed is to go to the toilet really 😅
Sleep is something I really struggle with (not getting enough off or feeling rested) so it's super triggering 'losing hours' to bs bedtime mess around.
If you want to play and talk and do things, then before bed is the time kiddo....
Set your boundaries, and then plow through. It will get easier, someday! But it's freaking rough in the meantime.

The comment about exercise reminds me of something - a lot of kids respond well to activity rather than quietness before bedtime. If my DD couldn't sleep as a little one I would quite often get her out of bed and go for a walk. I didn't know as a child she was autistic - she wasn't assessed until her teens. But there's information online about things called sensory circuits - basically a series of quite fun exercises that you get the kids to do which help calm and regulate them and so, help sleeping.

I think I was oblivious to this even being a possibility! Never remember anything like this from my own childhood and never discussed things like this with my (very few) friends who have kids.

I blame myself for being gullible really! I don't know how I'm going to get through it. Have zero support system either, for a time out here and there.

Well done by the way! You sound like you're smashing it, calm and collected unlike me

I do bath, dancing, story, into bed - all cuddly toys wish him good night, then I sing one song every night and say good night name, good night friends, good night pillow , good night blanket (ridiculous) and then I say 'I'll see you in the morning'

And I leave and don't go back in unless he is ill and needs more attention. Otherwise, it's bed time and I'm out. Did the same with my eldest. You do have to be hard hearted initially, and it's just what works for us- I understand others might not agree.

This is the bit they should warn you about as a new parent. Everyone talks about sleepless nights, but nobody mentions it goes on FOR FUCKING YEARS

Do you have a set routine? I work with toddlers. To get them asleep at rest time, we put on dim lights or fairy lights, then relaxing music, often the same music so that they learn what it means.some of the toddlers we gently pat their back to help them relax. Over time just quietly sit but don't speak, they will get easier, just be consistent.

Mine sleeps on a floor mattress in my room or on my bed - never slept in a cot. Assuming yours sleeps in a cot for this to have worked?

He is now kind of dozing off and the anxiety of the past 1.5 hours is so triggering, and the immense guilt of having gotten angry with him in the process is unbelievably unbearable

Have a look at the Supernanny videos on YouTube. She has a stay in bed technique and it shows her doing it so you know what to expect. Think of it as teaching him how to go to bed and sleep on his own. It has to be learnt.

No, he is in a bed. But he was in a cot when he was younger.
The tricky time we've had recently is because he wants to get up to have a wee constantly, but he's got over that now!

My son was like this. The only thing that helped was getting older and a melatonin prescription.

DH and I were talking just the other day about how we weren't allowed to come out of our rooms and how did we fail to install that in our children.

Most evenings I am far from cool and collected. I have yelled, I have bargained, I have cried with frustration. I have shouted already that she needs to shut her eyes and that it is unreasonable enough she makes me stay upstairs without making it worse by not even trying to go to sleep by closing her bloody eyes.

I have attempted to make my peace with it so that I don't get so angry. But it's taken ages. 18 months ago we could say goodnight, sit on the landing for 2 minutes then leave. Fuck knows where we went wrong to get to this stupid position.

And you are doing great too. Don't doubt that. It's monumentally frustrating. It won't always be like this.

@Whathaveidoneeeeee i was like this. Then I realised I was depressed and anxious. What help and support do you have for you?

Sertraline changed my life.

Practical solutions for little one (though I'm sure you've thought of and tried these)

• afraid of the dark?
• too warm/cold?
• overtired or not tired enough?
• bed type? At 2.5 we moved to a normal bed and Dc1 was up and down for hours because he could.

Genuinely curious - how did you manage that? Did he not come out/want things throughout?