To want to kill myself over bedtime

[Whathaveidoneeeeee]

No seriously. I have 1 child, 2.5 years old. I am most definitely one and done. If it wasn't for bedtime I could have at least 1-2 more, but it's absolutely KILLING me. Currently 1 hour into incessant screaming and crying - it's the same shit every night. Then he wants another toy, then he wants me to correct his blanket, then he wants another hug, the list goes on. I've stopped (with kind and reassuring words) responding to all his requests, so he knows he can't demand as he pleases and nothing is getting better

I used to stay with him for bedtime, but was stuck for more than an hour every night. Have taught him to fall asleep on his own now but it's AT LEAST 1 hour of constant issues and it just feeds into the night so heavily it makes me so resentful

Excuse my language but HOW THE FUCK are y'all managing?! I'm losing my damn mind!!

I think someone needs to invent story books voiced over by parents! How great would that be?

You lie them down, and ask AI to read the story!

Your poor thing. It's utterly soul destroying. I dread to think of how many thousands of hours I've spent in the dark losing my mind, waiting for my boy to sleep. He's five now and better, but was a nightmare baby and toddler. Hours and hours of bedtime every night, got up loads to feed for years etc. I get the feeling, it's awful. If it helps it seems that he's the way he is because he's super bright. He is honestly the smartest kid of his age I know by a country mile. Reading like a kid years ahead and doing crazy maths already. Not saying that to show off but maybe your little one is bright? Mine tells me now that he "can't turn his brain off" and it's obvious that he's always been that way but was unable to express it before. Doesn't help at 9pm after 2 hours of bedtime but I guess it's kind of a trade off?! I still don't know how to calm his brain down but we do lots of exercise and it does help.

Honestly, I would cut that nap right down.My youngest was REALLY tricky about a year ago (around that age) at getting to bed.It all improved once we cut the nap out, but even shortening it and making sure its early could work perhaps? It does sound like if he is taking so long to settle at that age that he isn't tired enough.
Also, does he have much sugar or screen time near bedtime?
Is there an option of him going in his own room or does he have to be in your room? (Eg: is it a one bed property?) As if he had his own room with a stairgate and wasn't settling when you were up there, perhaps he could play in his room til he was to give you some space in the knowledge that he's safe, and he might then put himself into bed once tired and go off?

@Silvertulips yoto does that. You can record your own. In your own voice.

I have two of my mum reading her favourite stories for the kids

Also my second baby has always slept like a dream, so it's so dependent on their personality. It was a whole different experience with my second and much more enjoyable. He's still the easier kid 🤣

If OPs DS has a tonies box she could record a few stories on a creative one.

I would recommend the Lucy Wolf Sleep solutions book. Did it with both children age 5 and 1. I would highly recommend. It's for up to age 6. No controlled crying it's stay and support.

They both have story and cuddles, lights out and white noise and self settle for sleep. If one of them is ill this my go out the window but 95% of the time they fall asleep independently.

They do wake in the night and need things sometimes (more the baby) but once they have what they wanted - dummy, wee, Calpol etc they go back to sleep in their own bed x

I have found my people. I thought we were the only ones. I could have written this post, 7 year old here too.

His 4 year old sister at least used to fall asleep in mere seconds which was a salvation but in the last week it has changed, she keeps crying, whinging, asking that we lay with her too. It winds the 7 year old up even more who takes even longer to nod off.

Coupled with light evenings and hot weather it's been hell. My evening doesn't start til about 10pm and then I still have to make dinner. 10pm!

I. JUST. WANT. TO. SCREAM.

Even when it flows well it is so so boring. Each and every night getting dc to wind down, brush their teeth, pj's, choose a story, read the story, answer all the questions, get the water. Even the smoothest flow is just mind numbingly boring. If there is resistance or procrastination, or if you think they are sleeping then they suddenly ask a random question....that is a unique kind of irritation, I want to explode. Just so many many nights of it, over and over. I had to work so hard for it to flow smoothly, and yet still, I find it so deeply unpleasant.

Earplugs are your friend op. You can still hear the screeching but dulling it helps a lot x

It's bloody awful and hats off to you doing it alone.

It dows get easier but you'll be in the trenches for another year or two.

It's hideous but you will get through it. It does get easier and ignore the you will miss this brigade. Or anyone who says if you wear them out/ give them an extra nap/ ignore them/ sleep the night in their cot etc etc. All kids are different and you're doing fine.

Do. Not. Feel
Guilty.

We had this then got one of those sky projectors for the ceiling. Omg life changer honestly. It was just instant peace as it would distract DD long enough for her to fall asleep. Can't recommend them highly enough. It ran out of battery, so we didn't use it all that long as by then she was just used to us leaving her and her falling asleep on her own. Hope it gets better for you soon.

I gave up.

DD has gone to bed at midnight since she was about 2 - she's now 16 years old and still goes to bed then.

She stopped napping at about 6 months and could easily go 36 hours without sleep as a small baby. I was going insane.

We had a rule that after 9pm it was quiet time and no parental involvement was happening - so play with your toys, colouring, books etc. We still did bath, pjs, teeth, story and so on, but instead of sleeping she just did whatever she wanted.

So much less stress. I guess she saw lots of adult TV but has always had a very extensive vocabulary as a result.

(She is ADHD which probably played a part).

I am with you. You have my sympathy. Bedtime sucks away every last piece of mummy magic patience. 2x boys with SEN aged 11 and 14 years old. It Would have been great if I had If I known that I would still be putting them to bed and , would still be woken in the night - every night. I told myself it would get better and many challenging things have but bedtimes and night wakings on top of everyday demands are insanity inducing. Sleep and time to be alone are so important. Only tips that I have are to burn them out as best you can before bedtime, take any offers for babysitting. Be kind to yourself.

With you OP.

DS doesn't go to sleep. He passes out.

We did have a really useful call with the sleep helpline earlier in the year, but we are now waiting to get on to a pediatrician for melatonin.

Cut this right down. I had to stop napping at 11 months or my mum said I was up all night! My boys had naps until about 2 years old but my daughter stopped at around 18 months.

I'm thinking perhaps you gave him bad habits if you used to answer to all the requests ? If so it may take a while of being less compliant for it to sink in.

I think part of the issue is that in modern parenting we're trying so hard to make it perfect - in doing so we can just unwittingly give them a less solid framework of rules than would be ideal. I'm guilty of that myself so no judging.

Not sure how to reset things though, other than being very consistent with the routine. Don't give in to last minute requests and don't give up after a few days, it takes weeks.

He needs to be in his own room with a stair gate on the door.

Put him to bed, don't go back in unless he is actually ill.

He's old enough to get it.

He can have a book /teddy in bed with him ( if he has to have the mattress on the floor, so be it. He won't do that forever)

As a mum of an almost 5 year old who has NEVER slept 'properly', whilst bedtimes are draining and the constant waking is exhausting, the plus side is I'm too fucking tired once he's asleep to even think of offing myself anymore.
Silver linings and all that.

There a book called "the no cry sleep solution" that has a table at the back that says when toddlers need to nap during the day in order to be less crazy at night. I found it very helpful.

The lullabys on the BT baby monitor are extremely good too. I used to find that if I turned them on, and lay down and went to sleep myself, then DS would follow suit quietly. It's not ideal, but it's how I managed.

We had terrible sleep problems and at the moment we still do. DS is 15 (years old).

I'm in the process of buying an electric bike for myself so I can take him for longer rides to try and tire him out. Not sure if it will work.

Sorry I know it's hard and I don't really know the answer. Good luck there.

I used role play a bit at that age to target specific things that drove me nuts. So you play house with a toy each and take turns having toys be be mummy and child at bed time. When it's his turn to be mummy your toy gets up and does the behaviours he does and your son as mummy toy has to get them back into bed. One it can help the penny drop what he needs to do at bedtime (ie go there and sleep) and two you can get some insight into what he needs at bedtime to make it go easier for you both.

My 2 DDs were like this until they were 4 and 5.
In the end, I told them they were big girls now so they were to go to sleep like big girls.
I got them new night lights, an Alexa for each of their rooms and said they only get to keep them if they stick to the bedtime routine.
It’s a couple of years on and bedtime is a dream!
I get them in their PJs, do teeth and hair, read them a bedtime story and then put a storyteller on their Alexa’s. Which they listen to as they’re falling asleep.
He’s a bit young right now but as he gets older, be really rigid with your bedtime routine and you will get through this

It's definitely your nap that is causing this. He isn't tired.

I fall asleep with him and get me time at 5am, when even DH can’t bother me. Bliss.

I’m sure it’s this OP.

inhave 3 kids albeit last one is a newborn. My current second child is a toddler and was an amazing sleeper. Until recently and it’s gone to shit and I now remember exactly this happening with first kid. It’s when they are close to dropping nap. The nap means they get a chunk of their sleep in the day and it takes away from night sleep. So they don’t have sleep pressure in the evening.
My 2 year old isn’t falling asleep until 10pm on night she naps. If she has a tiny 20 min car nap in the day and that’s all, then she will go to bed beautifully at 7pm.

Its either. You have to pick your poison, do you want some peace in the day and a shit bedtime or basically no nap but a better bedtime. You can’t have both!!

the good news is for me when they get to 3-4 and the nap is long gone then bedtime has been normal from then on