To want to kill myself over bedtime

[Whathaveidoneeeeee]

No seriously. I have 1 child, 2.5 years old. I am most definitely one and done. If it wasn't for bedtime I could have at least 1-2 more, but it's absolutely KILLING me. Currently 1 hour into incessant screaming and crying - it's the same shit every night. Then he wants another toy, then he wants me to correct his blanket, then he wants another hug, the list goes on. I've stopped (with kind and reassuring words) responding to all his requests, so he knows he can't demand as he pleases and nothing is getting better

I used to stay with him for bedtime, but was stuck for more than an hour every night. Have taught him to fall asleep on his own now but it's AT LEAST 1 hour of constant issues and it just feeds into the night so heavily it makes me so resentful

Excuse my language but HOW THE FUCK are y'all managing?! I'm losing my damn mind!!

My eldest was such hard work at this age! Maybe like someone said, a sticker chart or similar might help. Telling them what to expect might help too. Like “I can’t keep coming in every few minutes, I need rest too. So once you’ve had your book, toy, hug & kiss etc then just be quiet until you fall asleep. I am still in the same house, but we both need rest at the end of the day.”

Also, at this age I started to go out of my DD’s room and sing to her from outside her room. That seemed to help because she understood I was still there, and learned to settle without me in the room.

Try not to feel guilty. Getting frustrated is totally normal and kids learn that certain behaviours frustrate people (including their parents). You still show you them you love them as well. I bet there isn’t a parent alive who never got annoyed with their kids!

As a Mum who lost a son to suicide, I have to agree about the title. My blood ran cold when I read those first few words.

I used to feel like this and I feel your pain.

what helped me when someone said - “just tell yourself, this isn’t forever and it will pass. Cherish your time with your child instead of hating it. They won’t be young forever. (It was said better than that but you know what I mean)

hands up I spent most my time hating it and now regret it

I sent my “problem” child to sleep with warm milk or sometimes even porridge! Would send him right off to 💤

Good luck with the GP. If you can tell then how the lack of sleep is affecting him in the day it may help.

We got our prescription through the paediatrician who is assessing our child for adhd.

I had a spell of this behaviour with one of mine - started at about 18 months seemingly out of the blue so i took her to the GP for a check up. GP could find nothing amiss but suggested antihistamine to try and break the cycle - it can work as a mild sedative. It did the trick with my dc, she took it for about a week, no further problems afterwards.

You won’t miss it.

My 2.5 year old is a dreadful sleeper. If he won't go to sleep at the same time as his sibling, I let him hang out with me while I do a bit of tidying from the day / give him a book while I shower etc. I just let him potter about until the time he would naturally fall asleep anyway, so he gets no exciting attention to deliberately remain awake for but also fewer stressful battles for me.

I don't know if that is a possibility for you? It's no evening or down time, but better that than battle hours of screaming and refusal to fall asleep later anyway. I know it is very hard, I am in it too, but it won't last forever x

Oh I remember this it was hell. 2 hours every single night for almost 3 years. That was after a day of crying that was anything from 3-7 hours or 12 hours solid when teething. One day at a time, be firm and consistent and it will get easier. Best of luck x

Are you from US? I'm about to get attacked, but maybe just give him a Melatonin Gummy to help him along?

What is your schedule like? If he is still taking naps, then most likely he is not tired at bedtime. My children all dropped naps at age 2, max 2.5. If they napped, they would not sleep until 10pm. When you first drop the nap, it takes about a week or so to get used to, as in you need to be careful not to do things that will encourage them to sleep in the afternoon like long car rides or long walks in the stroller. But after that, bedtime was 7pm again and all good. Also, need to make sure they are getting enough exercise during the day so they sleep well at night.

I presume you’ve already tried gentle sleep training with someone qualified, what happened with this? If it didn’t work, find someone else.

Everyone I know with sleep challenges had found a gentle sleep trainer worked usually within 1-3 days. I hope it gets easier! xx

Do you have a partner? Could you take it in turns and sit downstairs with headphones in now again?
You need a break xx

This is 100% your issue. Cut that nap and your bedtime will be significantly earlier and shorter. Start by waking after an hour but you may need to cut to 30 mins,.and most kids in UK drop by 3.

It is a psychological adjustment when you are used to having that break at weekends, but that is the price you pay for your evening...

This is both too long and too early a nap for most 2.5 year olds. 10.5 hours awake time isn’t very much for a 2.5 year old either - 13.5 hours is the very top end of average sleep needs for a toddler. I’m not surprised bedtime is a sh*t show to be honest, you are aiming for too much sleep and it’s at the wrong times.

I think you should cut the nap down to an hour max, make it a bit later and try and build in more awake time. So something like wake at 6:30, nap 12:30 - 13:30 and bed at 7 to be asleep for 7:30. If bedtime is still bad I’d look at phasing out the nap completely.

We had this when my nearly 7 year old was that age. What fixed it for us was a Yoto box. For audio books,stories,music etc

Gives a bit of light or can be a night light as well which helped also.
First we used it on the white noise setting and it fixed bedtimes straight away for about a year. Then we moved on to a card that was bedtime stories. he did break again but then we got some meditation cards which has really helped him relax.

he can still take ages to go off sometimes but now we do stories together, tuck in and a nice 10 min cuddle/chat some nights longer. But now I can leave the room as he wants to listen to something to relax.

shall pop discount code below if you are interested. May not work but has been fab for us.

prz.io/BJ0krVbtl

blimey, mine are older now but it was definitely bedtime routine, into bed and if you dont stay put I will shut the door and turn the lights out.

There was inevitably some faffing about and running around upstairs which was usually sorted by a quick shout upstairs and then running back into bed.

I never sat with them while they went to sleep, in fact my presence would he stopped them sleeping!

My DD is adult now and I had her when I barely turned 21, so probably was not well informed on the right way to parent the way many people are today. I do not remember any rituals around bedtime, also I was a full time working single mother from her 12 months, we shared a room, so I guess her bedtime was the same as mine. Probably a lot later than good parenting accepts now, around 9 pm. The end result was the same by the sounds of it, but were we both zonked at lights out. My point is, if the child is not tired, why put them to bed? Live your life, spend time with them, and when you are both off to bed, they can tuck you in.

It will pass OP! They’re all different. I slept in bed with mine until he was 3. Then spent a whole year laying on the floor next to his bed while he fell asleep until one night, I just got up and walked out to see what would happen. He was absolutely fine and I never heard a peep out of him all night. And still very rarely do (unless ill) he is 8 now.

My point being, don’t assume that this will last for years.

How does that work if the child is having the nap while someone else is looking after them?

I remember people advising to restrict my DD1 s. Nap. However she had it at nursery so was beyond my control

I realise now that because I was with DS until he fell asleep as a baby, he grew a fear of falling asleep alone and it carries on for years if you don’t prove to them it’s ok to fall asleep when they’re alone. Organise sleep overs at friends and relatives as much as possible to get them out of the comfort zone.

I was the same as you @Fourteenandahalfbest thing I ever did. He's 2.5 and in a bed, he knows he just has to kind of get on with it. We do dancing, singing, stories, cuddly teddies and buzz lightyear of course. Then I turn the lights off and leave him. I have a video monitor so I can see him, but unless he's ill or severely distressed I ignore him. Tonight he took a little longer than usual to fall asleep but he just lay there playing with buzz making flying noises and giggling till he fell asleep. I couldn't cope with sitting in his room 😬

Sleepovers at 2?

Yes I never understood the obsession with putting kids to bed at 7 pm. Just why? They then get up at the crack of dawn

Start earlier. Make sure child is well fed in plenty of time. Threaten to throw out toy if they don't go to bed or something valuable to the child.

Would you let him sleep in your bed with you? We did that with a 2 year old as he wouldn't sleep alone easily. He moved to his own room at 6 Yrs.