To want to kill myself over bedtime

[Whathaveidoneeeeee]

No seriously. I have 1 child, 2.5 years old. I am most definitely one and done. If it wasn't for bedtime I could have at least 1-2 more, but it's absolutely KILLING me. Currently 1 hour into incessant screaming and crying - it's the same shit every night. Then he wants another toy, then he wants me to correct his blanket, then he wants another hug, the list goes on. I've stopped (with kind and reassuring words) responding to all his requests, so he knows he can't demand as he pleases and nothing is getting better

I used to stay with him for bedtime, but was stuck for more than an hour every night. Have taught him to fall asleep on his own now but it's AT LEAST 1 hour of constant issues and it just feeds into the night so heavily it makes me so resentful

Excuse my language but HOW THE FUCK are y'all managing?! I'm losing my damn mind!!

Oh please don’t assume it was something you did! I’m convinced that you either get a good sleeper or you don’t. I did all the ‘wrong’ things with mine, breastfed to sleep until he was nearly two, co-slept until he was three, lay by his bed for ages after that and he was and still is excellent at bed time x

Our GP had to write to Paediatrics to get it set up but there seems to be a different policy in different practices. it’s now done as a repeat prescription through my GP surgery. He does have ASD and autistic children do tend to produce less melatonin naturally so basically I was doing bedtimes on hard mode for years.

You can buy it off the shelf in the USA.

@Fundayout2025 My DD ended up hanging out with the older children (3&4 year olds) as most of them weren't napping anymore. She just wouldn't sleep!

I used to cuddle my DC to sleep till he was probably around 5. I just accepted the fact he wouldn't go to sleep without me and did the thing that was least painful for both of us. I think you could definitely try a different approach and see what happens.

No, I do not and never have missed bedtime and it and the broken nights that I coped alone with for nearly two years were one of the reasons I only had one child. I loved reading stories, singing a few songs and having a cuddle but the OP's post brought back memories of the torment of those evenings and all the things I would try to get them to settle.

If you search my name I posted recently about similar issues. OMG the fucking rage I feel at bedtime with my 2.5 year old when I’m knackered and she asks for the millionth book then the second I start reading it will ask for another. I now just put lullabies on Spotify, lay next to her and pretend to be asleep (or dead) until she gets bored of the bullshit and goes to sleep. But it is super tough. Not letting her nap has massively helped but it also means the second half of the day is really hard as she’s over tired and unreasonable. But worth it for the shorter bedtimes.

DGS 8 takes hours to get to sleep😳 his mum (single parent) settles his younger brother (6) and I settle the 8 year old. He is on pathway for ADHD and am 100% convinced that this is part of his struggle. There is a horrible irony that a child who is bloody exhausting and on the go all day and who (with all love) you desperately need to go to sleep because how exhausting looking after him is! Sleeps less than a neurotypical child! There is sort of evil karma about that really 😡

It is difficult for some children to feel secure sleeping.
Co-sleeping is probably the best way for everyone to get a good sleep.my DS is a terrible sleeper, he'd cry for hours at bedtime when younger, he was eventually prescribed melatonin, game change for us after 4 years of sleep deprivation.

DD is also 2.5 nearly, and she's much harder at bedtime if she's had too long of a nap during the day. She's in an awkward phase where sometimes she needs a nap and sometimes doesn't, but if she does nap I have to restrict it or she's just not tired at bedtime... the easiest bedtimes is when she's had a great day at nursery and is simply just shattered by bedtime

She also has to say goodnight every evening to the snail on her window because one time there was a snail on the outside of her window, and she said goodnight to the snail. So now every evening we have to say goodnight to the snail. Even though there's no effing snail there anymore lol. Idk, we just let her crack on and she hasn't seemed to have worked out yet that the snail was gone many months ago!

cap the nap, don’t go over an hour. It’ll make a massive difference. My little boy was similar to yours but since capping nap bedtime is soooo much easier. He still needs a bit of reassurance but not much

Keep in mind that it isn’t a nice feeling for him either, extreme frustration that he doesn't understand. Good luck.

Agh OP you have my sympathies. It's shit.

I would try cutting the nap shorter 1 hr max.

Reward chart for staying in bed. Stickers are instantly gratifying.

Consider a yoto/tonies for the 'I'm not tired' issue.

We have a yoto for our eldest (5) and it was a game changer for us. We do usual bedtime routine bath/wash pjs on one/two stories read by mum/dad then yoto on and listen to stories and sleep. You can control it from your phone too.

Then as hard as this is going to be...

Return to bed. Every single time. Once you know they are warm dry fed safe etc which you will as part of routine just keep returning to bed. Don't say anything just return to bed. Shut door walk away. I think our record one night was 28 returns in an hour - little sod! But it did work.

You need to claim back some of your eve especially as room sharing so you don't actually ever get a a break!!

Is there a way your child could have their own room? Is there enough space?

Ah DD was in baby room so they were all under 2. She napped lively there just didn't sleep at home

My eldest can find bedtime challenging. The most helpful thing I've found is to take away bedtime pressure entirely for a while.

So instead of fighting him, we just let him fall asleep on the sofa for a few days. When we think he's forgotten to be stressed about bedtime, we casually stay upstairs and read/play after his bath until he falls asleep. After a couple of days of this, we go back to a proper bedtime routine.

I think fighting bedtime can become a bit of a habit and this works to reset things.

This is your issue - cut it to 30 minutes then get rid.

These are good ideas @Whathaveidoneeeeee

The Yoto’s are a good shout. It will get him used to the idea that he can lay in bed and wait to fall asleep.

Have you considered paying a sleep consultant for advice?

I used to have absolutely miserable bedtimes before I paid someone to help me. Mine are now double figures age (I did have a second when bedtime got fixed!) and I still use the same techniques now.

OP- are you actually feeling suicidal over it? If so, please reach out to GP or health visitor. It sounds like you are going through a lot at the moment.

I live in Aus and here we have government funded residential (for parent too) baby and toddler "sleep schools" called Tresillian and Karitane. I wonder if the UK has similar, or wherever you live?

I remember a friend at work asking me what I did in the evenings, I said ‘I put my son to bed’ and she said ‘what do you do after that?’ And I was looking at her wondering what she was talking about? It took all evening it was a total nightmare and he would be up most of the night too.

bed time was dread time. I remember it well but the only thing is that it does end. He is grown up now and I can’t get him out of the bed.

My heart goes out to you, I know what you are going through x

I put my kids in their room. Say love you and good night and shut the door. If I hear them just ignore

So the rich don't have to suffer. They can get sleep consultants and night nanny

Well yes, I do this too. But a lot of people seem to be missing the OP’s subsequent post “newly single mum for context” and I think this might be affecting the little guy that he’s going to need a different approach for now.

Perhaps this is shit advice but the best thing we ever did was buy a double bed for DS. I lay next to him read a book, he holds his little torch, cuddle the teddys, night night etc. I just lay there and read my kindle, if he tries to get up or start talking I just say “time for sleep now” sometimes it takes 15 mins other evenings it takes an hour but I just lay there and read, DH cleans the kitchen. I quite like it really, I’d love it if he fell to sleep himself but he finds it difficult. DS does have ASD though and loves a routine so that kind of helps in a way as well do the exact same thing every night. I totally appreciate that it might not be that simple for everyone though.

I always say if my 2nd was born first, I'd have been one & done over bed time.

My oldest has always been a dream. Bed time was never an issue. He's 12 and still goes to bed without fuss. (although still likes being tucked in).

DD9 is, and has always been a devil child at bed time. Nothing worked. Screaming, crying, waking multiple times a night until she was 5. She still stalls bed time & gets up multiple times for a drink of water, tv is too loud, needs a cuddle... drives us insane.