To want to kill myself over bedtime

[Whathaveidoneeeeee]

No seriously. I have 1 child, 2.5 years old. I am most definitely one and done. If it wasn't for bedtime I could have at least 1-2 more, but it's absolutely KILLING me. Currently 1 hour into incessant screaming and crying - it's the same shit every night. Then he wants another toy, then he wants me to correct his blanket, then he wants another hug, the list goes on. I've stopped (with kind and reassuring words) responding to all his requests, so he knows he can't demand as he pleases and nothing is getting better

I used to stay with him for bedtime, but was stuck for more than an hour every night. Have taught him to fall asleep on his own now but it's AT LEAST 1 hour of constant issues and it just feeds into the night so heavily it makes me so resentful

Excuse my language but HOW THE FUCK are y'all managing?! I'm losing my damn mind!!

Does he nap? If so, when?

If you're single can he sleep in your bed with you?

I know lots of people hate that but it might help him feel settled.

I second the Super Nanny suggestion.

Does he still have a nap?

The advice given to a friend helped me in this situation: if you can't change the situation, change your attitude towards it. So, as I understand that: lean into it rather than pulling from it (as you do now and are finding it - understandably - so frustrating), my eldest was a dream at bedtime so I was smug and launched into a second child who did not need or even entertain the idea of sleep. I found it so hard every step of the way. I did crazy things like holding a hand through bars of the cot, a mattress next to it and creeping out of the room line a ninja (future career for me definitely), holding his dor closed while he screamed... eventually I gave up and started going to bed with him. I geared my day towards that and because I wasn't necessarily sleepy I listened to audiobooks or Netflix on my phone but there was no conversation between us. He would toss and turn but stayed in bed and slept all night because I was there.

It was years before he slept independently but i don't think he would have been any better if I had continued the controlled crying nightmare either. He just doesn't need much sleep. He is grown up now (I do NOT miss those young years) and goes to bed early but would be up by 6am even in his teens.

I didn't resent him once I chose to sleep with him because I focused on the benefits to myself. I must not have had any social life during that time but on the odd occasion I did go out he probably slept with his sibling or my patience babysitting friend.

This probably seems extreme but it worked for me in that it removed the stress of nighttime for both of us. DS would stay in his room with a light on and a book knowing that I would eventually come up too.

Fwiw I was probably more open to this because I hated nighttime myself and my parents just yelled at me and I never improved at being alone. I went to boarding school which I liked because in a dormitory I was not alone 😭

He loves himself a good nap, around 4.5 hours after waking up he sleeps 1.5-2 hours. Then is up around 6 hours after that. Any wisdom regarding this is much welcome

Newly single - maybe the stress of the change is contributing to it all? In which case you might want to just prioritise whatever is easy, like put him in your bed and sit next to him and watch a show on your phone with some headphones in or something.

No you won't miss it. Dunno why people come out with such shite. You will gradually realize that it's not happening so much that's all

At this age two of mine had dropped their nap and the third one had a nap a nap of a maximum one hour every few days.

Ah, I remember those days fondly 😤 😡

Have you tried the old trick of skipping ahead a few pages when you’re reading a book? When I was knackered and sick of reading the same fucking book for the millionth time, I’d do that and the kids didn’t notice when they were that age.

Good luck though and remember it’s not forever. Once they hit the teenage years you’ll struggle to peel him out of bed!

2 is a tough time. I was really firm along the lines of I don’t care if you sleep but you must stay in your room and if you’re up before the gro clock turns green you’d better either need a wee or be unwell which paid off because now at age 4 bedtime is 1 story, kiss goodnight and goodbye. It’s easier to enforce when they’re in their own room with a stairgate on the door though. I honestly couldn’t have coped with them on a floorbed in my room.

I do feel you and understand completely

But there's no right or wrong for this. My DC1 had a 3 hour kip after lunch after sleeping 12 hours until 3.5 and STILL wanted bed at 6pm.

Dc2 not so much. Dropped naps at 14 months and screamed blue murder for at least an hour at bedtime.

It can be really, really hard! I once worked out that just with my one child by the time they were 3 I had spent over 1000 hours on their bedroom floor/holding hands through the cot bars…doing whatever was necessary to get them to sleep. In hindsight I must have been bonkers but I was suffering from PND and did whatever was necessary to get me through…🤷‍♀️

Hi there

just from another point of view. My DD basically dropped all naps from age 1.5 onwards and took at least 2-3 hours to go to sleep every night.

We had the same up and down, hitting herself, screaming, etc etc .

We were actually prescribed melatonin a year ago(age 5) and it’s been absolutely life changing- she now falls asleep within 20 mins and sleeps all night.

I wish I’d done it years ago as it’s essentially resulted in the breakdown of my relationship.

As I said- ours had dropped all naps very early and did take 2 hours plus……

I know but things are clearly not working for the op at the moment so it could be worth cutting the length of the nap or implementing a later bedtime. Just before my just 2 year olds dropped their naps bedtime was 8pm and then when they dropped it went to 6.30 for a while and then 7.

Invest in a story telling device like a Toniebox!

Agree, it's utter shit OP

My child goes to bed same time as me.
It would be impossible if he went in early.

I think the post baby years when you have a child with low sleep needs or that struggles to fall asleep are incredibly hard. Sometimes you are doing all the right things but they still don't sleep..
My DD was a poor sleeper but we managed to keep (mostly) calm. I would limit deliberate time wasting tactics but she was (and still is) absolutely skilled at luring me into conversation 😂 - this has continued into her teens and is her favourite time to unload and chat. Sigh.
Solidarity OP. Remember there's thousands of parents going through this too!

He wanted things but I just basically ignored them if I felt he had everything he needed.
He's warm, has a drink, has had a story etc. it's night time and time to sleep. I have done it that way since the children were quite small really. I appreciate all children are different though. But when it comes to bedtime I am a bit of a bitch 😂

It might sound a bit much but the reason I clicked on it is because I have felt this. Exactly this. That I may as well just die. It's bed times and all the other times I have had to repeat the same instruction or request several times. Kids 7 and 4 and as much as they bring me joy, they also bring me so much stress that in between life in general, my dh and them I sometimes wish I didn't exist. Or that I went on my travels as I did before they came along. Would I give them up for adoption? No. But there have been times I have wanted to report myself to SS because I can't take it anymore especially when I have been working day and night, 60 to 80 hour weeks and then they act out. I know it's all feeding into itself but gosh! Am whipped

Supernanny’s bedtime routine WORKS.
Watch on Youtube etc.

Mine coslept until a few weeks ago and got his own room at 4.5. Nights are ok but mornings are killing me.

Before his little bed was next to mine and he'd slip in during the morning hours. DP was in the spare room where he can snore alone.

Now DP is back snoring by me. And thump thump comes a little elephant DS and it seems that running through the flat really wakes him up so I have wiggling rolling talking at me at 6am after an already poor night sleep.

I can't decide which one of them is worse but it is wearing me down.

My advice...

Cut the nap to no more than an hour.

You say night night, love you etc and leave, make sure the bedroom is pitch black (black out blinds if you don't have them!) and following this if they get up you just return them to bed without ever saying a word!! Place back in bed, tuck in, give a kiss and leave.

Very child dependent of course but that feels like too much napping if you want a 7pm to 7am overnight. Most 2.5 year olds i know have killed their nap.

I’d agree watch super nanny, that shit works ! Nobody can understand how hard this is unless you’ve been in the same situation, and your feelings of guilt, exhaustion and anxiety are normal but your little one will also feel this from you, please seek help, even if it’s from you tube. I sat at the top of my stairs for two nights when my little one wouldn’t sleep , to break the cycle, many years ago now though x

would it not just be easier to accept co sleeping is part of both of yours life’s for a little while ? Something to think about ? Take care, it’s shit and difficult , but it will get better x