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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I mean to dd?

220 replies

idontknowhowto · 04/07/2025 10:11

10 and 11 year year old DS and DD have started arguing over who gets to sit in the front seat of the car. Dd in particular has been difficult about it despite getting to most of the time, she thinks it’s her right as she’s older and is moody if she doesn’t get to and gloats if she does.

Today she got up early and rushed through breakfast and getting ready to run out and sit in the front seat in my car on the drive over half an hour before we had to leave.

Once other kids were ready and we were leaving I went out and got in DHs car which meant by the time she realised DS was able to get in the front seat. She sulked it wasn’t fair and said that I hate her and refused to say bye when she went to school.

DH (who wasn’t there) thinks I was mean.
Was I unreasonable?

OP posts:
Coffeeishot · 04/07/2025 10:13

Both in the back you have caused this by letting them fight for favourite.

Secularbeaver · 04/07/2025 10:13

I mean I laughed but it was a bit mean, chuck them both in the back until further notice or have a rota 🤣

YourSpryWriter · 04/07/2025 10:14

I am the oldest of four and growing up the front seat was my seat.

leopardprint17 · 04/07/2025 10:15

Can't they take turns if its such a big deal to them? (Which it probably is, we were all young once!)

takealettermsjones · 04/07/2025 10:15

Don't know about mean but you were petty! Either ban then both from the front seat or set a rota

Needmorelego · 04/07/2025 10:16

You were both a bit daft really.
Time for a rota I think.

Original poster
idontknowhowto · 04/07/2025 10:16

Coffeeishot · 04/07/2025 10:13

Both in the back you have caused this by letting them fight for favourite.

There’s not room for both in the back

OP posts:
Snorlaxo · 04/07/2025 10:16

Both in the back or take turns. It’s unfair that dd usually sits in the front - she’s only a little older than her brother.

AbzMoz · 04/07/2025 10:17

Well played! As PP says, both in the back until there’s a rota.

What’s so special about your car’s front seat?!

holysmokee · 04/07/2025 10:17

It has to be consistent so either it’s her seat as the eldest (probably how I’d do it, make her feel grown up), use a rota or they both go in the back if they can’t call shotgun without arguments.

HiRen · 04/07/2025 10:18

Surely the answer is to alternate mornings??

Steelworks · 04/07/2025 10:18

Ours always took turns.

McSpoot · 04/07/2025 10:18

Did you take your DH's specifically so that your daughter wouldn't get the front seat? Or was there some reason that you needed to take his car today (and would have done regardless of what was happening with the kids).

Eenameenadeeka · 04/07/2025 10:18

It was a bit petty, but funny. It's kind of rediculous that she went so far as to sit in the car for half an hour. Can't you just alternate turns so they know who's turn it is rather than this drama every time you leave the house.

Coffeeishot · 04/07/2025 10:19

idontknowhowto · 04/07/2025 10:16

There’s not room for both in the back

Show quote history

Why not ? Well if it isnt possible you need a reset and a rota like a pp suggested you are causing animosity and stress for your children. Yes I think you were mean.

VirginaGirl · 04/07/2025 10:20

No, you weren't mean at all, by her own rules it's who gets there first. Pity she got in the wrong car.

My dc used to take turns.

GuevarasBeret · 04/07/2025 10:21

idontknowhowto · 04/07/2025 10:11

10 and 11 year year old DS and DD have started arguing over who gets to sit in the front seat of the car. Dd in particular has been difficult about it despite getting to most of the time, she thinks it’s her right as she’s older and is moody if she doesn’t get to and gloats if she does.

Today she got up early and rushed through breakfast and getting ready to run out and sit in the front seat in my car on the drive over half an hour before we had to leave.

Once other kids were ready and we were leaving I went out and got in DHs car which meant by the time she realised DS was able to get in the front seat. She sulked it wasn’t fair and said that I hate her and refused to say bye when she went to school.

DH (who wasn’t there) thinks I was mean.
Was I unreasonable?

No, you weren’t.

Access to the front seat is a resource controlled fully by the owner/driver of the car. I.e. Not Her!

I saw recently where it is something they can bid for through defined chores.
If there had been sulking, I might even exclude her from the auction.

Freeme31 · 04/07/2025 10:22

Both in back, showing favourites will come back to haunt them in years to come. Husband’s sister was a sulker & everyone gave into her to keep the peace now they don’t talk as husband got fed up of her silks and moods & wants nothing to do with her as she was toxically show as a youngster that this was how to get tour own way. Both in the back !

ldgso · 04/07/2025 10:22

It is funny to be fair.
My Daughters alternate every morning so there’s no arguments.

Original poster
idontknowhowto · 04/07/2025 10:23

We did have a take turns for a couple of weeks which dd sulked about as she though it was her right as the oldest and then sometimes I have take older teen DSD or or they have clubs which means the other one takes the others turn and it causes more arguments.

You’re right though, just need to make a clearer rota but do I need to apologise for this morning?

OP posts:
meatbawls · 04/07/2025 10:23

Who called 'shotgun'? It's quite obviously the only way to settle this issue.

PersephonePomegranate · 04/07/2025 10:23

leopardprint17 · 04/07/2025 10:15

Can't they take turns if its such a big deal to them? (Which it probably is, we were all young once!)

Exactly. This is fairest.

Posted at the same time as your update, OP! Quite frankly I'd tell her that if shes going to sulk over it, she's in tbe back permanently. Don't stand for it.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 04/07/2025 10:23

idontknowhowto · 04/07/2025 10:23

We did have a take turns for a couple of weeks which dd sulked about as she though it was her right as the oldest and then sometimes I have take older teen DSD or or they have clubs which means the other one takes the others turn and it causes more arguments.

You’re right though, just need to make a clearer rota but do I need to apologise for this morning?

She sounds insufferable. Why isn’t there room in the back for both?

Original poster
idontknowhowto · 04/07/2025 10:24

McSpoot · 04/07/2025 10:18

Did you take your DH's specifically so that your daughter wouldn't get the front seat? Or was there some reason that you needed to take his car today (and would have done regardless of what was happening with the kids).

I took it specifically so she didn’t get the front seat. I hate driving DH’s car.

OP posts:
Staffling · 04/07/2025 10:25

I think if she got up early and got ready quickly then she deserves to take the seat of her choice. I mean she put in considerable effort and forethought. I do think it was a bit mean to waste the effort she put in.

On the other hand maybe I say this because my kids take forever to get ready and we are often late.

It shouldn't be a daily battle every day though. Like others have said I'd take turns.