Was I mean to dd?

[idontknowhowto]

10 and 11 year year old DS and DD have started arguing over who gets to sit in the front seat of the car. Dd in particular has been difficult about it despite getting to most of the time, she thinks it’s her right as she’s older and is moody if she doesn’t get to and gloats if she does.

Today she got up early and rushed through breakfast and getting ready to run out and sit in the front seat in my car on the drive over half an hour before we had to leave.

Once other kids were ready and we were leaving I went out and got in DHs car which meant by the time she realised DS was able to get in the front seat. She sulked it wasn’t fair and said that I hate her and refused to say bye when she went to school.

DH (who wasn’t there) thinks I was mean.
Was I unreasonable?

How come?

You need to up your game when parenting siblings, or even with extended family kids close in age to keep it fair and prevent unnecessary rivalry and certainly not enforce pettiness it by modelling it yourself!

Encourage them to work things out respectfully between themselves, like taking turns or agreeing on a fair system for who sits in the front. If they are not capable of working it out themselves tell them to alternate each day/trip and your decision stands. Make it clear that gloating, sulking or arguing won't be tolerated and what the consequences will be and follow through every time - gloat/sulk/back talk and you are in the back seat for a week.

OP has more than 2 kids and they can’t all sit in the back seat, one has to sit in the front.

yep it made me giggle which means it was probably a bit mean op 🤣

Fair 😀

I’ve lots of children, I’ve always done oldest sits in the front as it saves any arguments as each journey they automatically know who’ll be there. Occasionally the oldest doesn’t want to sit in the front so then they swap with the next one done. Never had push back to this as they’ve just grown up knowing this is what happens

This isn't so hard, OP. They take turns. When you have three old enough, they all take turns too. At one point I had a rota on the wall when I had four old enough to be in the front.

If she’s able to get ready faster than the other kids, why shouldn’t she get up 30 minutes later?

One in the front on the there (wherever you are going) and the other gets front seat on way home. Sorted.

With my two one sits in the front on the way out and they swap on the way back. No arguments and no complaints

Make them shout ‘shotgun’. Ours do this and they’re in their 20s 😆

You are the adult here, so adult. If you can't have the children in the back of the car, (find this bizarre as the back normally seats 3 people), then put a rota in place, if she sulks, she can't go in the front. She can go in the front when she stops sulking.

Mine use to take turns

My two are the same ages and drive me mad with this sort of point scoring behaviour so I well sympathise with you skewing the outcome 😂
Mine take turns in front seat.
I don’t think I would apologise I would say play silly games win silly prizes.

I actually don’t think you were mean as this is something I would do too and it made me laugh.
Your DD has to learn that she can’t always have her way and she has to share the front seat with her brother. She’s being a pain and this would get on my nerves as it does you.
Rota is the way forwards and stick to it. Ignore the grumps from her and be strict in enforcing the sharing. She had to learn somehow

Reminds me of how, as a primary teacher, I hated it when the children had to line up and some always rushed to be at or near the front. So sometimes I made them all turn round 180 degrees and lead off from the back…

Alternate who can sit in the front seat. Your DD has had the privilege of age by getting that seat more often in the past, but now it’s time to share.

I would yes. Up and attem, and half an hour in the car - she earned that seat fair and square!

Take it in turns, a week at a time.

This is why I should RTFT because that is horrible! Yes, you were mean. Not just mean, but also spiteful. She made all that effort and you threw it in her face to make a childish point. Apologise - and grow up!!

Oh wow - she’s 11, take control OP. Do not tolerate whining and moaning over something so trivial.

“Turn about” end of story. And if she whines and sulks with this FAIR solution you give her a consequence. Spell this out to her quietly when you are on your own with her.

I know it’s important to them - my kids have the same argument but don’t let it impact the rest of their day if they have to sit in the back.

And it was a little mean when she had gone to all that effort - but I don’t blame you!!

Well you showed her how to behave in a mature manner .

Your post makes no sense! On one hand you’re saying DS can do no wrong, then take it in turns!

Mine are 23 and 15 and still take turns. I’m the parent and they know I will enforce this so zero arguments (over this at any rate 🤣). It’s been this way since youngest was out of his car seat and both are happy it’s fair. We also take turns on choosing the playlist. But, as previous posters have said, it has to be consistent

Mine tend to do one on the way there and the other on the way back.
If you sit in the back you can wear earphones and listen to your own music or podcasts. If you sit in the front you have to engage in conversation with the driver. So sitting in the front is not such a massive treat, sometimes they prefer peace and quiet. We've not quite got to the point where they are fighting for the back but I reckon it will happen!