Asking a child’s mother to pay for replacement pastry?!

[HeatingFiddler]

Yesterday at my local coffee shop/bakery I had my pastry on a tray on the counter and was waiting for my coffee. In front of me was a mum with two kids.

One of the kids was fairly young and kept touching everything including glass cabinets, tables, chairs, the self-serve cutlery. She also kept putting her fingers in her mouth and hair. As kids do.

Anyway. She suddenly grabbed my pastry! I shrieked (probably an over reaction, but god the child has literally just shove her fingers in her mouth moments before). Kids mum turned around and asked what the problem was. I said that her child had just touched my pastry, after putting her fingers in her mouth.
And she said, ‘oh. Kids will be kids. I’m sure it’s fine.’

Obviously, I said, ‘kids will not just be kids. It’s unhygienic and poor /parenting and I would like for you to buy me a replacement.’

She said ‘if it’s that big of an issue I’m sure you can ask the staff for a new one.’

At this point a member of staff arrived. I explained the situation and said, ‘I don’t think a replacement should come from you. This happened because the child was not being supervised. The child’s mother should pay.’

Anyway, in the end the child’s mother agreed to pay and she took the one her child had touched and they ate it and then left.

Was I being unreasonable to say the mother should pay and to refuse to eat the pastry after that? I genuinely don’t think The coffee shop should have had to front a replacement either - it wasn’t their error!

Shrieking because a small child touched your pastry is pearl-clutchingly precious and dramatic. In that situation I would have offered to have bought a replacement pastry, but I don’t think there’s any need to bring her parenting into it. She was probably being blase ‘kids will be kids’ in response to your shrieking overreaction.

I wouldn't eat a pastry that my own small child had grabbed - they put their fingers EVERYWHERE.

'Here is your replacement pastry you utter cunt' would have been worth the £2.80.

Nope. Yes kids will be kids and that’s why the mum should have paid. You were right to stand your ground.

But… you were wrong to say her kids touching your food was because of her poor parenting. Agains kids do these things at young ages. So although you were right to insist she paid you are also lucky she didn’t switch when you called her a bad mum.

Why should the coffee shop lose out because someone doesn't keep an eye on their kid?

Okay, maybe a better description is what some others see as confrontational behaviour, you see as fine.

PP: You don’t think it’s confrontational to accuse random women you encounter of poor parenting?

MerryTiger: She didn’t just wander up to a stranger and start shouting, did she?

You went on to say it was ‘entirely reasonable’ of OP to point out the child’s behaviour and ‘demand’ it be sorted.
You were quite rude about people being more ‘passive/polite’.

exactly this! We only have the OPs side. The fact that people are trying to justify her harsh public criticism is honestly frightening to me. Yes the child was in the wrong for touching the food, but she is also a child, who doesn’t know any better really (I gather from the post she is quite young). We also don’t know anything about her, my five year old has no sense of danger, etc! And would
probably have done similar so to have my parenting publicly criticised to the point where cafe staff had to get involved is really humiliating to me and I rightfully have called out the OP on this!!

Well done OP! Why should you or the coffee shop have to pay for her poor parenting and entitlement.

Gross, I wouldn't eat a saliva pastry. It would go in the bin.

But would you have come out with the stupid 'kids will be kids' comment? That's what would have really pissed me off. Take responsibility for your kid's bad behaviour!

How do you know she was being entitled? The op shrieked loudly and the woman may have been trying to brush it off because she was embarrassed at the scene! None of us were there and we only have the OPs side!

Agreed. OP was right to say the mum should have paid but calling her a bad mum was unnecessary and nasty.

Op wasn’t after a free pastry, she wanted a replacement for the one that got covered in saliva

Probably not, but perhaps the woman was so embarrassed by the loud shrieking and scene causing that she tried to brush it off to not cause a scene! To be honest if the OP had called my parenting poor I would have given her a blow by blow account of every time I have had a difficulty because of his needs!

I honestly feel like crying on the poor woman’s behalf!

I have a toddler who is in to everything and can imagine him managing to do this while I was distracted for a second at a till. I would absolutely insist on buying you a new one though. Why would you want to eat something that had been prodded at by a random kid 🤢

Because someone who wasn't entitled would offer to pay and not expect the coffee shop to foot the bill for their child putting saliva on another person's food.

You are right, but OTT in the end.

It’s a bit weird to insist she pay for it if the shop was willing to - that’s between her and the shop.

Shrieking (I know it wasn’t a literal shriek but still) because some kid touched your pasty is also a bit OTT.

Right….🙄

It's just a pastry FFS! A couple of quid! 🙄😂

Why the eyeroll? If your kid breaks something, you pay, not the shop. It's the same thing.

I think the OP was OTT too.

But the kid was 5 or 6, a child of that age does know you don’t stick your fingers in your mouth and then stick them on other peoples’ food. A sense of danger is neither here nor there, this is basic good manners - the fact the mother didn’t just offer to replace it immediately would indicate that manners aren’t a top priority in that family. A little more calling out of that in public would be a good thing overall. (Again acknowledging that the OP is a drama Queen - although given you are describing a manners-based altercation in a coffee shop as frightening, she might not be the only one.) .

I think the woman should have offered to buy a replacement straight away.

but I disagree that most people would have shrieked. I would only shriek if someone burnt me with a cigarette or walloped my toddler. Not because someone touched my croissant. No need for such drama.

We had a similar (but much chavier) version of this when I worked in spoons. Kid stuck their fingers in someone’s curry, next thing I know the dads (both drunk) were squaring up to one another. As a former service worker, this kind of interaction happens a lot so I don’t think it’s out of the realm of possibility.

I think we as mums (dads too but often to a lesser extent) can get blind to our kids being gross and grimey. We are just so used to it, it doesn’t phase us. When you’re cleaning up someone’s sick and shit, a little spit doesn’t phase you at all. This woman is probably just used to her kid and thought it was no biggie. You are 100% in the right tho. Other people’s kids are gross as fuck. If that had been me and one of my grubby little children had done this I’d be clambering to get you a new one.

The principle is correct but your tone sounds off.