Gender swap situation

[TenThousandYears]

I know you're all probably fed up hearing about this subject...I just need to vent.

DD has been friends with "Sally" for 10 years. (Both 14) Since nursery. In the last few months Sally has decided to change gender and now wants to be called " Ron"

DD just can't wrap her head around this. If she slips up, she gets nasty looks from "Ron" and so she's treading on eggshells.

Ron's brother still refers to Ron as Sally so DD is very confused by it all.

I'm on DDs side. Personally, I would hate to be in her shoes right now. I think if you meet someone and are introduced to them as whomever then that's easier to accept than having to change names and pronouns of someone you've been friends with for 10 years. On TV shows people just accept this straight away and move on but I'm not convinced that it's really that easy.

I also think 14 is a bit young for these changes but that's just my personal opinion.

Are me and my child horrible people for not being able to accept this right away?

OK

Yet no one's ever been able to define what it actually is ...

Thank you.

So you keep saying. So what is being trans then?

Please can you give a definition of what being trans actually is?

And please can you explain why 'being trans' means that all normal safeguarding for children and teens should be overlooked?

And also why the fact some people are trans means that women should no longer have single sex spaces where they are essential to dignity and safety?

In other words can you explain why 'being trans' gives male people the right to trample reasonable boundaries and to ignore consent?

what is it then?

I agree. The arrogance that some people can’t understand simple safe guarding. Or the fact that whilst someone can believe they are something they are not, other people shouldn’t be compelled to pretend along or be called bigots.

This. 💯 Jeez, what a drama seeking lot of nonsense. 🙄

Of course the entire male sex is not a danger to women but a small percentage are and that is why we have single sex spaces, otherwise all changing areas/public toilets/prisons etc would be mixed sex.

85% of violent crime and 97% of sexual assaults are carried out by men. Even when men are victims of domestic violence, the perpetrators are usually other men.

If men can identify as women, then those spaces are no longer single sex. It’s not hard to understand why women, particularly those who have been victims themselves, need those spaces to be protected.

Being trans is when your understanding of self as being a man/ woman/ male/ female/ is at odds with how you were registered at birth.

As you know.

I understand that this makes no sense to you. But it is what being trans is.

This whole political row is about difficulties/ challenges with people understanding , recognising and accepting forms of minority difference/ diversity. It’s a tale as old as time.

I can only assume this is completely made up. I don't believe there's a 14yo in the country that doesn't have some sort of awareness of the existence of trans people and the expectation to respect pronouns. I work widely across schools in my region, and I find teens are generally far more familiar with this than older people.

So it's an ideology because it's based purely 100% on internal feelings and is not measurable. It's based on ideas of oneself.

Why should a man's ideas of himself (as being at odds with his body) trump the rights of females to single sex spaces which are based on our sexed bodies?

Why should the safeguarding of children be ignored in favour of unmeasurable internal feelings?

I mean this is just affirming delusion. We don't do this for any other delusion.

You can be and dress as diversely as you like, the line is drawn at safeguarding and pretending men are women at the expense of the safety, dignity and consent of females.

That's a lot of words with no actual meaning though.

How does someone know that their understanding of self is at odds with how they were registered at birth? How do they know it's not perfectly normal for someone of their sex to feel that way?

And can you explain what you mean by registered at birth?

So you work in schools and in spite of Cass and the Supreme Court Judgement you still believe this is the right thing to do?

It's not kind to either child. Not to the one being compelled or the one being lied to by adults who should know better.

Two extremely unclear ideas here

'Your understanding of yourself as being a man/woman/etc' - where does this come from? What is it based on?

'How you were registered at birth?' Registered as what? Based on what? Registered by who?

That's a bit . . . ageist.

@Tandora

”Being trans is when your understanding of self as being a man/ woman/ male/ female/ is at odds with how you were registered at birth.
your actual sex and reality.

helping you out

How does a boy live as a girl?

please enlighten us? I bet you don’t.

No.
You don't get to push an ideology on people, one that harms women and children, and then tell us not to question it. I've never heard a single TRA define woman gender and man gender, I've heard them say "a woman is anyone who identifies as a woman" which tells us how they believe someone can become a woman, but not what woman gender is. The whole ideology is built on a house of cards, and thats why they try and close down questions and push back so hard, it doesn't stand up to scrutiny.

Of course it is. “Gender” is not sex, but is the social performance of sex roles and stereotypes, which are not immutable, but are different in London and Bahrain and Chengdu; and were different in 1300 and 1840 and 2025.

“Identities” are beliefs we hold abut ourselves and stories we tell ourselves (and others) about who we think we are. That’s why nationality is not the same as national identity, race is not the same as racial identity or cultural identity, and so on. Identities are not material things, but socially constructed belief systems. (Nobody is born “feeling German” or “innately Christian”, are they, despite many ideologies trying to give us the impression that their culturally constructed beliefs are inborn.)

It just makes you sound a bit silly to claim that “gender identity”, an idea which has only existed for a relatively short amount of time, is somehow not a “belief system” (indeed, the very notion of “identity” didn’t exist in the contemporary sense before the 1950s at the earliest).

That's like saying Christianity isn't a belief system. I'm sure plenty think christianity is also based in facts and theres proof, but whenever there is no actual factual basis to a belief it is by definition a belief.

Why didn’t anyone have this before the word “transsexual” existed? At the start of the twentieth century, for example, that “feeling” was understood explicitly to be homosexuality.

Despite what the trans lobby claims, there’s plenty of historical evidence that people cross dressed because they were same-sex attracted; and lots of evidence that women expressed a desire to be male because then they would have the freedoms men had and women didn’t.

But there is not much , if any at all, historical evidence of the contemporary idea of “trans”, or indeed of any men desiring to be women (as opposed to enjoying dressing like women), before the twentieth century, though there is plenty of evidence of them actually cross-dressing in gay male spaces.

Why do you think that is?

The best way I've had it explained is that trans isn't something you are, it's something you do.

Oh god it's a "children are so wise" person.

Children are children. Adults generally know better (although a whole portion of adults have lost their collective minds over this it seems).